Monday, October 31, 2016

Those guys are still singing


I don't like them, but I love one of their older songs

I had never seen how they look, though

apparently the lead singer sounds like an emo boy

but looks like a lumberjack

that's an interesting combination

here is their last video so far:

that band is just too confusing


oh, and I just looked up in Wikipedia

the band is 10 years old

but that lumberjack is already their fourth lead singer

are their songs that emotional, that singers just can't sing them for a long time?

like I said

confusing band :)

the song that I love

since the band is confusing, then my explanation why I love that song should not be too confusing:

I love that song, because of the way he sings: how you became my life

hoooow yoooou became my liiiiiiiife


good guys :)

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Stupid things that excite me

aroma gel beads aka crystal beads aka fragrance beads

that thing just grabs my attention

when I see it, I just take it and can spend couple of minutes watching how the light plays there


Dropkick Murphys are going on tour in Europe

and I am patiently waiting for Finland or Estonia to appear in their tour dates list


I believe :)
they added Greece to that list a couple of days ago

so the new dates and places may appear

I will wait



still waiting

and waiting

like come on, how much longer can I wait?:)

Johnny, I hardly knew ya!

and one of my all time favorites The State Of Massachusetts

still waiting!



finally got a nice round number


Not everybody dream in color

like waaaaaaaaaaaaat

today I decided that I need to boost up my memory and I downloaded some podcast teaching how to do that

three simple tasks to know how good you already are

he reads aloud 20 words, you listen to them, memorize and after he finish reading, you need to write them in the same order

every missed word is 1 mistake, every word not in the right place is 0.5

I've got 6

which is baaaaaaaad

but apparently not awful :)

then the same task with numbers

to my surprise I got 3

and the last task was to imagine a classroom with the GREEN board and you need to keep that green board in mind and start drawing white numbers on it, seeing in mind everything that you had already written

like 5, then you write 2 next to it, picture 52 in your mind and add another digit 7 and having now 527 on the board and so on keeping the process of writing the numbers and keeping them in your imagination all the time

in the end he said, that a lot of people can't imagine that picture

classroom with green board and white chalk numbers on it

apparently, some of the people can't hold that simple picture long enough in their mind and lose it

a lot of people have problem with imagining it in color

that was a complete surprise to me, how could not you create pictures in your mind in color?

that's the way you see the world

but apparently it is a problem to a lot of people

I feel sorry for you, folks!

it was an interesting thing to do

and no surprise here, but I have an outstanding imagination :)))

and not a great memory :)

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Super girly song


Little Mix - Shout Out to My Ex

Soon I am gonna be an expert

in knowing what food can lower your blood pressure


so far everything is fine

never went over 140

compared with 190, that she had before

my mom is back!

Friday, October 28, 2016

Ryan Reynolds is hooooooooow old?


he is forty years old



he looks much younger :)

Darius Rucker

is still singing

and he is doing it pretty damn good


and I still loooooove This

he has such an interesting scull

Jeffrey Dean Morgan

is hot

Sherlock. Season 4

has an official release date now!



Thursday, October 27, 2016

Frank Turner is awesome

I should put that in the blog title line

Frank Turner is awesome



do you remember?

Frank Turner is awesome!


I am such a cry baby


I have my guilty pleasure: watching Next top model (while eating some junk food)

America's, Canada's, Australia's etc

and I am always crying when I'm watching the Australian version

girls there are just so adorable and friendly

and when they cry when somebody leaves the competition

I am crying too

And we judge and we judge and we judge

and we judge again

trying to make other people be like us

and then wondering: why the hell are everybody the same?

don't get me wrong

I had the biggest God aka Judge syndrome ever

I judged eeeeeveryone and eeeeverything


finding the things I don't like and then pointing them out

I am no longer doing that

I found a new way of life

I don't judge people, because now I am focusing on creating my world and deciding who and what I want to see in it

it is something like natural selection

if something makes you sad, mad or feel uncomfortable - just get rid off it

if somebody makes you sad, mad or feel uncomfortable - just don't invite that person in your world

it is your world and it is your decision who you want to see in it

everything has a limit time

some friendships should end

there is no point to be a friend with somebody only because "but I've known her from kindergarten"

do not surround yourself with people and things that don't make you happy

why are there 1000000 rude comments on how Kim Kardashian looks today?

why the hell do you even care, she looks exactly how she wants to look

why would she look like you want her to look

and everything like that

you got the point

judging is the slow way into madness and disappointment

selection is the long hard way into happiness

just don't be too impulsive

I am cleaning my room

and I have this out from only one side of my closet:
things that had been kept accurately and neatly on the shelves

things that for 80% I don't even need

imagine how you trash your mind judging people you had not even met

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Ike Quebec

is awesome

like d'ooooh

continuing exploring the Jazz world

so far I love the old Jazz and not so much a new one

sensual - would be the right word to describe Ike's music

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

I love Bon Jovi

as you may remember, I am against old bands, whose members had not grown up and still sing about the things they sung when they were young

Bon Jovi is like an older family member who sings about important things

age appropriate

some bands know how to grow old gracefully

Why are red lipsticks "for whores" only?

I just don't get it

"you look like a slut"

well, thank you, lady, whoever you are, have a nice day too


I was wearing eco leather short skirt and bright red lipstick

and apparently that is enough to be a whore

I dunno

are not girls who work in sex industry offended by that?

that primitive cliché?

red lipstick - must be whore

who taught you thinking like that?

like a pack of mindless creatures

somebody said - everybody repeat

it is like everything that some shy person is afraid to do - must be whorish

no, not shy person

shy people are awesome

let's say: some mindless hypocrites

oh no, I can't wear that skirt, so nobody should wear that

grow the fuck up, already

I am no longer angry at those comments, but I do believe, that somebody with less confidence can't be destroyed by those kind of words and become just another blank mindless person, judging people on the things they are not brave enough to do



if somebody called you a slut

just wish them a nice day and walk away like a Queen of sluts

because if you are a slut, then every slut is an awesome person

some people just need to spill out their inner garbage to somebody

and then call themselves "I am a good person, not like you, dirty slut"

Team red lipstick!

*my sister never had a red lipstick, because she truly believed red lipstick - must be whore, after seeing my love for reds she decided to find her perfect red lipstick

**you go, girl!

***she returned one of my favorites with the words: that is just too red for me

****at least she tried :)

Dying people don't buy new purses

don't they?

today my mother decided she is not going to die anymore and bought a new purse

good for uuuuus


she still has high blood pressure, but at least she agreed to go to family doctor to consult with her whether she needs to go to cardiologist or some other doctor

I printed out pack of articles about what products and what actions lower the blood pressure and she agreed to try that out as well

we will get through this

we will

Sunday, October 23, 2016

King of the road

if previous songs seemed too sad for you here one that for some reasons always makes me smile

classical Roger Miller

Healing music

apparently there is such a music genre as healing music

did not know about that

but liked the music

so soft and comforting

it is music day today :)

The other woman

Nina Simone

Gorgeous woman

some pictures just make you stop scrolling

this is one of those:

just gooooorgeous

Am I her mother now?

everything changed so fast

but it feels like if I am slowly exchanging roles with my mom

had you eaten? yes? but your back is wet, you probably had not eaten enough, check your glucose level


well, here is your juice and food and we check the glucose in an hour

why are there blood spots in the sink? do you have blood in the throat again? no? is it from the gums? you have way too hard toothbrush, here is extra soft one

and what about your blood pressure?

and she is perfectly fine, sometimes those kind of days just happen

like when I forgot how to hold a spoon or switch the light

just completely forgot

my mother has those days too

but in her case, it is way more dangerous, because she has such a weak heart

I feel responsible for her

and she talks, that she is gonna die soon

I said, that first we wait for the results from your tumor that we will get in a week and then, if necessary, we will talk about the bad things

I am afraid she is losing the desire to live

says, that she is falling apart

I told her it is perfectly normal for her age and after all she looks 20 years younger, than she is

everybody tell that

and how can she be preparing to die, when she looks so good?

I am not sure it is a good idea to come back to Finland

I think I am needed here now

but we will see

in a week

hopefully everything will be fine

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Scientific library

hello, new world of scientific books!

my niece is currently studying in University and we were talking about that when she mentioned that they have huge scientific library

I said that I am jealous, because my university had, well, close to almost non-existent library

and then she said something that had opened me a whole new world

she said: but you can register too


I checked the academic library web page and she was right

I caaaaaaan

and you can too

if you at least finished 12y school

or, obviously, some higher education institution

you know where to find me now

Glaciology, I am giving you a chance!

Friday, October 21, 2016

The night calls

are the worst

when some of your family members call you at night, even before answering the call you already know that something bad happened

I did not get that call yesterday

I made it

at midnight my mother came to me showing the paper with bright blood on it, saying: I don't think it is good, if the blood is coming from my mouth

the calmness in our family runs in the veins

of course I phoned 112 right away, explaining situation while telling mom to pack her things and medicine while we were waiting for doctor

I waited emergency doctors outside and followed them to our apartment, telling what happened and what kind of surgery my mom had a week ago

they checked her, told, that they don't see any trauma in the throat or any problems whatsoever, then they checked her blood pressure and it was 190


she has a weak heart and ten years ago she had a heart surgery

so they took her with them and told me to wait for a phone call from her

when they left I cried like a baby

it is necessary to stay calm when something bad happens, so the suffering person would not be so afraid

and I did my best

but when they left I let it loose

and then I thought should I call dad and tell him (he is working now on the ship) or should I not

so I called my niece to ask for her opinion

she did not answer

she had her "WHEN I CALL YOU AT NIGHT YOU MUST PICK UP NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!" speech from me, when she called me back in the morning

I decided no to tell anything to my dad, to keep him safe

I waited 4 hours for the call from my mom

she told me, that she is alright and blood test are normal and there is no blood in the lungs and the doctor thinks it was because she slept on the side, where her scar is and it somehow made her bleed from inside

I don't know

that sounds way too doubtful

but she is at home now

looking pretty normal

and I annoy her every hour with my "is everything okaaaaay?"

hoping everything will be okay

Wednesday, October 19, 2016


is my new favorite Finnish word



lyijy feels just like random letters put together :)

lyijykynä means "pencil"

Some of us, we have tattoos

oh, Frank Turner

I love you

well, I love your songs, but songs are part of your life, so I guess, that automatically means that I love you too


I got a birthday invitation from a kid

she is the niece of my close friend, but still

I had seen her twice and she is somewhere around 10 years old

is not it like, too weird?

I was on another kid birthday this Saturday

the kid turned one


why the hell would your organize a birthday party to one year old kid I don't understand

and call friends to it



it was the weirdest birthday I had ever been to

her whole family and her family friends and then 2 friends: me and the aunt of that little girl

I understand why she invited her, because she took 4 kid with her and it was indeed a kid birthday party

but I don't have kids

nor did I know her family

it was weeeeeeeeeird

so most of the time there I spent with the kids

some kids like me

why would not they, I am awesome :)

so we talked with that girl about dresses, wolfs, bears, dancing, swimming, tattoos and million other things little girls can talk about

her little secrets that "shhhhh, nobody can know, but ..."


when I was leaving that weird birthday party, she came to me and asked: don't leeeeave, and would you come to my birthday?

what was I suppose to answer???

I changed the subject, without answering that

but still

do 10 year old kids have short enough memory to forget that invitation?

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Marc Anthony makes me like Latin music

now don't get me wrong

I am still a pig, when it comes to being a nice person, who loves everybody

and I laughed my ass off, when I saw the beginning of Gente de Zona - La Gozadera video

they just look waaaaaaaaaay too weird

but it is a style and I should respect their decision to look like that, I remembered that, after I heard Marc Anthony

that man just magically adds style and class to everything

I have no idea how he does that

but he does

I understand now why J Lo married him in the first place (it is not if he is looking hot as hell, nope, but if he can charm the shit out of you from the screen, then imagine how attractive he can be IRL)

classy man :)

The woman with the perfect hair

for me is Carrie Underwood

I used to like her songs a loooooot

but new songs are kinda just oookay

nevertheless, I love watching her videos, because in my opinion, she has the perfect hair :)

just look at her

short haircut:

most likely a wig, but still awesome "just out of the bed" style

I still think, she looks like a wild goddess here:

Carrie is awesome


Monday, October 17, 2016

Anna Karenina and weird games

I feel bad for well educated people from English speaking countries, who read Anna Karenina

I applaud you for your determination

because reading "as he came away from the Schtscherbazkijs" must be something like hell to you :)


In the 29 books, that I am currently reading, you can find Tolstoy and his "Anna Karenina"

and today I reached the part, where Levin and Kitty are sending encrypted messages to each other (part 4, chapter 13)

not on the phone, obviously, not on the paper as well

on the table

in chalk

well, I guess, they had their fun ways of ruining furniture too back then :)

on the table Levin wrote: W y a m t c b d i m n o t?"

and of course Kitty understood

like who would not?


for all of the mortal people who we are, I am decrypting : When you answered me: "that cannot be," did it mean never or then?"

after a short, yet very meaningful speechless encrypted conversation Levin wrote (SPOILER ALERT!!): I h n t f a f, I h n s l y

and of course she understood

I am pretty sure she can work in the army, decrypting messages :)

I have nothing to forgive and forget, I have never stopped loving you

like hoooooooooooooow???

and yeah, I understand, that Tolstoy wanted to show how people who don't love each other would not understand even a written letter (Karenin's family) and how people in love can understand each other without words

but it is still weird to me

now if you are reading this and you are in love with somebody (who loves you back) try this at home

write the first letter of each word you want to say and see if your significant other understands you


something like: D, w y b n a b s m o t w b h?


see, reading classical literature can be fun too

Ashy Slushy

it is baaaaack

Ash vs Evil Dead is baaaack

it is one of those shows when you laugh like insane while on the screen are monsters and demons and evil dead and lots of blood

creators of that show use as few computer graphics as possible

doing it old style


if somebody watches you from the side, they may be thinking, that you are crazy person, laughing while people are dying there

but that show is sooooooooo stupidly funny :)

like Z-Nation :) only with deadites :)

Coldplay knows how to melt your heart

Coldplay - Everglow

I am still crying inside each time I see their new video on another electro crap song, that sounds impossibly good when they play it live

Coldplay should group up with Imagine Dragons and stop making albums with electro crap music and focus on live shows


such a cutie pie :)

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Is it possible to have a shoulder ghost?

because that's the only explanation I have

for the last couple of days I feel that my left shoulder is much hotter than the rest of my body

it does not hurt

it does not feel bad

it comes like a heat wave

pulsating and getting hotter and then back to normal

the right shoulder is perfectly fine

shoulder ghost?

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Five movies!!!


not three like it was announced before

no, my dear friends

we will have 5 movies in Harry Potter universe


yaaaaay to us!

Secret society of people who wear hats

hats meaning classic hats, not those beanies that most of the people wear


I am talking about fedora-like hats


I only have one hat that I did not even bought myself

we were having family grocery shopping and my dad was looking for something (like he always does) and my mother and I were in the food aisles 

then out of nowhere he brought me a hat, saying I need to try it


apparently my dad has some fashion style

because I loooooooooooooooved it



the one, who never wear any sort of hats

I'm checking the weather now, to see how strong the wind is to make sure the hat will stay where it supposed to be :)

for the last couple of days it was still

so I wore the hat

or no

The Hat

that would be better :)

I noticed that we have some sort of secret society of people who wear hats

I got a lot of nods and even finger on the hat kind of signs

meaning something like: I noticed you, my hat sister


and that is aaaaaaaaaaawesome :)

it is always good to belong to some sort of group

my group is apparently people who wear hats

fedora hats :)

Friday, October 14, 2016

Never too much

Charlie :)

Weird thing

my niece told me one weird thing that she uses

I had not heard about it before

I am gonna enlighten you too now


so I won't be the only one thinking: wait, waaat, just, waaaat, like hooow, whyyyyyy

here is a little life hack when you are looking for a pair jeans or trousers

when you take a pair, you don't need to go to the fitting room or even know your size (length will be enough)

you take the pair, put the waist line around your neck and when it closes perfectly it is your right size

I googled it

and it is a common, but yet weird advice on how to chose the right size

just hoooow???

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Pretty much all you need to know about Estonia

in one short, but informative video :)

Geography Now! Estonia

You know what is not fun?

chopping pistachios


being lazy ass that I am I tried to buy chopped pistachios, so I won't need to do it myself


if to sum up all the time I spent looking for chopped pistachios, it would be much longer than chopping it myself


I did not find it

I wanted to try new recipe that I thought was basic shit

grapes hidden in the layer of goat and milk cheese (mixed with a drop of mayonnaise) covered in chopped pistachios

how can it be more simple?

first I spent an eternity taking off grape's seeds (note to people: buy SEEDLESS grape)

then I had a huge fight with my cat

because he smelled cheese and was trying to steal that while I was looking for a knife to chop those pistachios

cat obviously won

so I surrendered and gave him couple of spoons of mixed cheese

and then couple more

and then I told him "but you are already faaaat"

and then I spent 5 minutes apologizing to the cat, because "I did not mean thaaaat"


he is still ignoring me


but then again, he ignores everybody, unless he is hungry

anyways, I wanted to make 15 grapes

spent 30 minutes chopping pistachios

chopped a lot

was enough only for 4 grapes :)

so now I have 11 naked in cheese grapes and 4 fancy ready to eat ones

cooking is haaaaaaaaard

Surgery went well!


hopefully tomorrow she will be home


Wednesday, October 12, 2016

My mom has a surgery today

and it freaks the shit out of me

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Inside the fire

I will be your guide in the world of music


people tend to stick to familiar genres ignoring the music they labeled "that's not music"

yesterday we had Sum 41, perfect example of punk rock (and "that's not music" for electro crap lovers)

today it is time for NoMosk

I have absolutely no idea what genre that is :)

I would call it beautiful electro crap with the hint of chill out


she has such a soft voice

I don't know what smells worse

quinoa or tuna fish?

I am continuing searches for my cooking skills and so far I am okay'ish in baking things

for some reasons salads are just not my thing

and I have no idea why

because how hard can it be, to chop things (and I can cut perfect cubes) and then mix it?

apparently extremely hard :)

today I tried one recipe with quinoa (why does spell checker mark this word? it is quinoa, I double checked), tuna fish, cucumber and eggs covered in dressing

and I after finishing it, I just threw that straight into trash bin

becaaaause it smelled so baaaaaaaaaaad

the products were perfectly fine

it is just the combination of quinoa and tuna fish that kills me

I still have half of the pack of quinoa that I bought, because I always wanted to try what was that fuss all about

super healthy, super super and super super super

*insert some fancy words instead of super :)

quinoa smells bad

it really does

but what is worse

it tastes awful

it is like if you chew some plastic crap with plastic aftertaste wondering "and why the hell did I spend so much money on that crap?"

I did not understand that

fish smells bad for me, because I just had not been eating meat for years and it is not that it is rotten or something, no, it is just because I am no longer associate that smell with food

but quinoa?

it should be my favorite new thing

but it is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

dead fish or fancy quinoa?

I think in the battle of what smells worse quinoa is a winner

*team buckwheat here :)

just found a picture of quinoa that I liked

apparently, I am not the only one, who is not a fan of quinoa :)


Team buckwheat!!!

it was a surprise for me, when in Finland I could not found buckwheat in regular stores

it was even bigger surprise, when I Googled it and understood, that outside the Baltic countries, Russia, Belarus and Ukraine buckwheat is not common

if you are living outside the countries I listed, I would recommend you looking for the buckwheat in some eco store and try eating it (just don't forget to add some salt and a tiny little bit of butter)

Monday, October 10, 2016

I still can't get enough of new Sum 41

Sum 41 - Black eyes

Good manners in social media

my friend found me on Instagram

she had never heard or had ever seen my blogger page, so she had not been able to add from the post, when I wrote, that I have an account now


here is the question

how the hell did I appear in her "people you may know" or whatever suggestion list they have there


I did not use my surname and there are millions of Jana in the world

I did not use nickname that I used before

I found only one weak link

I connected Insta to my outlook mail

and we sent each other emails before

I don't like it

I feel like if I was forced to add her as a friend

she is my friend

one of my closest ones


I never wanted my close friends to know about it

and now I have one follower, because I could not ask her not to add me

aaaaaand I kinda had to follow her as well

so in my hockey world (I follow only Blue Jackets, NHL and Espoo united) I now have one real person

who happens to be my real friend

therefore, thaaaaaaaaaaanks for ruining my privacy, dear Outlook

stupid good manners

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Do you know who has AWESOME comeback album?

not Blink 182 (theirs is okaay)

not Greenday (theirs is okaaaay as well, but I still find it weird, when grown man sings about mommy's little soldier)

SUM 41!!!

their CD is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawesome

if you have a chance, I recommend listening to their 13 voices album

and do you know who has an epic first song on the album?

I think you got the point already :)

SUM 41!!!


are they on tour now?

CPU usage 100% all of the time

I had Windows 98, Me, XP, Vista, 8

I worked with 7

I had never had 95 and 11

and for some hardly understandable reason I love Vista the most

I  just do

I don't know why

but I do


if you are still using Vista, then you probably had that problem before (and they have the same problem in Windows 7 too, apparently)

CPU usage 100% ALL the time

and the snail moves faster than your computer works

I read a looooooooooooooot of advices and stories

most of them suggest: reinstall Vista from CD

I still have that CD

but I truly believe, that should be the last option, not the first

I even read some stories, when people take their computer to the repair stores and pay for fixing that problem

well, Microsoft tried to fix that problem too

their solution works for about 20% (you should google "fixit" if you want to find that tool)

I found one advice and it helped

you don't need to reinstall anything :)

or install something


if you have CPU usage 100% all the time in Vista go to Control Panel - Windows Update - from the left side choose Change Settings and put "Never check for updates" in Important updates then OK and reboot


problem solved


I tried a lot of advices

and that was the only one that actually helped

Oh, what a lovely surprise

that's my motto in human interactions now


I used to create situations in my head, patters, that I expected other people to follow

and then I was very disappointed, when they did not

but why would they? they were my patterns and my expectations

I was angry and mad and that resulted in arguments with them

that was a completely idiotic way of doing thing

way of talking to people

now I do not expect anything and each text message, each phone call, each "happy birthday!!!" is a pleasant surprise for me

I rearranged my life so that I have things to do, without constantly thinking "why did not he call"

I used to push myself in the orbit of some person

was trying to blend in with that person

rookie mistake


now I am building my own road, while having occasional crossroads with other people

with my man we will have parallel ones (crossing a lot of times)

but never vanishing into one

and as for now I think it is right

*nevertheless, every day I check my finnish phone hoping to see that message from that one person and not getting it

**and it is getting me mad

***and that's why you should not expect anything


oh, what a lovely surprise, that you visited my page :)

thank you!


Saturday, October 8, 2016

Is that Lady Gaaaaaaaagaaaaaaa?

was my reaction, when I heard this song

I did not know that, until I checked the artist

you know that I love country

a loooooot

but I was sure, it was some new pop country star

was really surprised, when I read it was Lady Gaga

thank you, Lady Gaga, for making good songs without the help of Master Autotune Electro Crap

the simple things are the hardest

Books, dresses and lipsticks

if somebody asks you: what do you buy the most (except for food)

what would it be?

mine are books, dresses and lipsticks


swimming in the sea of coca cola light, of course

I think you can know a lot about person when you hear his/her answer

simple questions provide the most information

Friday, October 7, 2016

Here is the super happy song

that most of you won't understand, because it is Russian

but from the music you may understand it is happy

because it is indeed



there is no single negative line in that song

everything is about good things

the next line sounds a little bit weird in English, but it sounds awesome in Russian
sincere happiness and health to your mother
now simple question

how many songs do you know, where some rapper wishes true happiness and hopes, that your mother will be healthy?

super happy song

mne hoooooroshooooo


They know everything!

and it freaks me out

today at my family doctor's appointment she showed me my digital medical expertise

the one that I need to do every 3 or 5 years to show that no miracle happened and I am still ill

and I saw that my medical record includes all of my appointments

even the paid ones

you know

like dentist appointments

dental services are free for kids under 19 (or 18, but as long as I remember 19)

the rest of us pay full price


here is the question

whaaaaaaaaat the heeeeeeeeeeeell

I thought that it is like private appointments and they have their own data base in clinic, but they don't share that information

because why would they?

to my surprise they do

your every visit to any doctor will be shown in your record

and it does not matter, did your medical insurance paid it off or you

as long as you have Haigekassa (that's like Estonian medical insurance available for every kid, every adult (as long as you are working) and retired people (that includes people with disabilities, like I have) they will have every medical record on you

sounds creepy

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Sometimes I wanna crawl inside my brain

just to see how it picks the music

today I woke up with this old Russian song on my mind

I had not even seen that movie :)

I don't remember when was the last time I heard that song

I have absolutely no idea why waking up I was singing that song in my mind

I wake up with some song almost every morning

my heart sings when I sleep :)

I won't be able to read all the books

and it is slowly killing me inside

it is like if I am having a meaningless fight with the time

I know I will lose

but I am still trying to catch it

29 books I am reading simultaneously

4 languages

every day

I can't go to the book store, because I will end up buying another book

it is like an addiction

Hi, I am Jana and I am a book addict

Hiiiii, Jaaaanaaaa, but were you not in Coca Cola Light addiction group?


because why not to be a part of two imaginary support groups


I need to find a job to read a little bit less

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

It is never too early for this song



I want to put on my holiday decorations already

I just love that atmosphere



I found a video of the man I thought I loved

on one of my hard drives

apparently he sent me that once

about how he plays basketball


almost 4Gb of free space now I have on my hard drive

and 100% in my heart


so cliché

but hey, if I don't remember having that video

and I felt nothing whatsoever while watching it

is it like that not only I moved on but somehow forgot it as well?


I have a memory of a goldfish

3 seconds*


*that is not actually true, fishes have kinda ooooookay memory, but the saying stays

like waaaaat

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

I love Frank Turner

and I smile every time I remember his show in Helsinki


once we were anarchists

and I am still smiling


When did he become so hot?

so hot

not like HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT hot hot like Charlie

but rather ordinary hot, which is good as well :)

I think I am getting old

I like how Robbie Williams looks now


awful song, thou

and no comments about the clothes he wears (like, waaaaaaat the hell is that?)

It tastes like a pie from the bakery

I don't know about you

but that sounded like a pretty darn good thing to hear about the pies I made today


yaaaaay to me

I am getting better with cooking meat

while still being vegetarian :)

today I baked pies with meat pasty

spent 10 minutes looking for the right one

then I realized I have no idea what is the right one

so I took based on the less E ingredients in product

I guess it was a right choice :)



But I am already free

today I went to my family doctor

she sent me to cardiologist



I decided she just like to see the prove that I am pretty fine with my fast beating heart

that's okay

have no intention to die :)

my fast beating heart is perfectly fine beating as fast as it wants


while sitting and waiting for cardiologist I was thinking about what to do if they prescribe me pills to slower my heart

I was thinking about the choices

and then it hit me like a thunderstruck


you see, I had always been always upset, because since being 11 years old I never felt free

because, well, when you take medicine at certain time every day and then you eat certain food at certain time the illusion of having control of your life slowly dissolves, certainly :)

I even complained couple of weeks ago to one of my friends, that what I want the most is to be free, to go to the woods and spend the whole night there without thinking, oh, do I have enough food, are my insulin pens in the bag etc

just go to the woods and spend the night

doing nothing

sitting on the tree and listening to the night life (deeply worrying about yetis, hey, the fact that they never were caught does not mean they don't exist, you have your faith in God, I have my fear of yetis)

but it never occurred to me that I can do that any time I want

it may be the last thing I had ever done (dying from illness's complications or mysteriously disappearing with the trail of yeti footprints next to the place I was), but nevertheless I can do that

I have that choice

I have the control

I control my life now

and it feels goooooooooooooooood


just knowing that is beyond amazing

I rule my world now


King Jana is here :) (still don't like the "queen" word)

it feels goooooooooooooooooooooooooooood


Monday, October 3, 2016

I am still hoping

Emil Bulls, coooome heeeeeere


maybe I should consider the opportunity to go to Germany to see them there if they are avoiding my countries so carefully

I've been to NHL pre-season game in Sweden

went to Rise Against in Finland (while living in Estonia)

maybe it is the sign to go to Germany

Iceland - Ireland - apparently Germany

I need to actually do something to make it happen :)

I need a bodyguard

I don't want to go to prison, because I happened to kill some pervert

I need a bodyguard to guard those attackers from me :)

reverse bodyguard

I'll see you in hell agaaaaaaaain

Since I am having bad times with elevators lately

it won't be a big surprise if I will end up in "Devil" elevator:

Shyamalan is aaaaweeesooooome


stupid elevators

What do you mean you are not sure you want to?

You have to!

and that was, my dear friends, my elevator talk with the neighbor

the lovely lady, that lived next to us died, and her kids came to clean the apartment

I liked that woman a lot

we were good neighbors



I had seen her daughters no more than three-four times

and now one of those daughter just said it

first she asked: do you have kids?

and I answered with the whole honesty: No, I don't have and I am not yet completely sure, that I would like to


you should had seen her face when I said that

she truly believes, that every woman HAS TO have kids

that was a long elevator ride

I am having bad times with elevators lately :)

and she is not the only one

almost every mother I had ever met, always says to me: ohhh, you are getting older, you must already have kids, but don't worry, you will find a man


imagine the opposite situation

me going to every mother saying: ooohhhhh, you had a kid, poor you, you had to use protection! but don't worry, they grow up and leave you just like your man already did


not socially acceptable?


I truly don't understand that

is not that the choice you have to make?

and not the choice society force you to make?

my kid would be the best kid in the world

if I decide to have him/her

but it is my choice

and the choice of my man

not the daughter of the neighbor I had met several times


Sunday, October 2, 2016

Maybe I need to find new beginning

maybe I need to change the world I'm revolving in

maybe I need to change the path I'm going

maybe be I'm in the wrong place right now

but I love my job

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Campus police

is another thing I don't understand

campus police (a.k.a. university police)




why do you need it?

is not it the actual police matter, if something illegal happens on the territory of some university?

I've read some articles

I've seen some movies

and it feels like that the rapes that happened in campus do not really qualify as actual rapes

in best case scenario the rapist would be expelled


what kind of punishment is that?

sometimes it seems to me, that only science universities are the real universities

the rest are "we are gooooing to have a paaaaaarty, and then rape some of those drunk girls"


and don't forget: apparently if you are a star athlete, you can do pretty much everything

there are a lot of things I don't understand

rape is a rape

no matter did it happen on campus or in the bar

and as for Universities


you should probably clarify your acceptance method

if my kid would go to the university where there is campus police


then we will have a talk about: Darling, would you consider choosing some other University, the one where people are responsible for their actions and if they do something illegal they will have a sentence, so that they don't need a campus police?

I just don't understand that

Policemen is just too awesome to waste their time on drunk kids with no crime-after consequences

I don't like French music and French language

so just to prove how illogical girls are

here is the French song, that I looooooooooooove

Damia - La Rue

*insert some part about how music was much better before we were born

because sometimes it was

but not all the time :)