Friday, September 30, 2016

I'm waiting March 2017

to see the hottest man alive a.k.a. Charlie Hunnam being King Arthur

but until then I will wait for November

because it is closer

and because Benedict is aaaaahmazing being Doctor Strange

aaaaand it seems like if November is going to be a good month for people who like this kind of movies

because Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is also premiering that month


and thank you, whoever brought that up, but adding Harry Potter melody was a brilliant idea


I'm done with priming walls!!!


the entrance hall walls to my surprise were never ending walls


I got 1 l of primer, thinking, where the hell will I put the remaining of that primer


in reality I needed to use one more can

and curse like a sailor, because I had one part of the wall and almost no primer left


I did the best I could had done

and I have the ugly green color gone

the bathroom, btw, was ready long time ago, and it looks like a candy now

soooooooooooooooo goooooooooooooooood

and it feels so good being in that bathroom too:)

hopefully, my battle with never ending walls will end with my win

but the walls there are tricky


I had not listened to music (because the primer was eeeeeeeverywhere), but for some reason, I had one song in my head all the working time

and that song has nothing to do with primer


ooookay, I believe you

such a wonderful song


the best song to dance while priming walls


shake, shake, shake Senora

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

There can never be too much Charlie



Are you voting for a woman, because she is a woman?

that just does not make any sense to me

today I was watching The New Girl

and apparently the comedy shows now are advertisement for candidates

Hillary Clinton

I am sorry, but are you that desperate for the votes?


it was not the first show (The Last Man Standing did it before)

it would not be the last

that promotes one extremely illogical thing: vote for a woman, because she is a woman



I am not kidding, at first I laughed at that joke in The Last Man Standing, because I truly believed it was a joke, until I realized they were plain serious

it is like "Vote for Obama, because he is black!"


being president is much more than belonging to one certain race, gender or ethnicity

muuuuuuuuuuuuuuch more

and, dear Hillary, asking for people to vote for you, only because you are a woman is the exact same thing that you criticize so much

the world where power belongs to male figures

men vote for men

you are angry about that

and now you ask women to vote for women

don't you see the irony there?

I don't live in America, nor do I intend to

but it is getting ridiculous

Obama supporting democrats is absolutely understandable

but what is a mystery for me, that in his speeches he talks so much about "We need to change this!!!" "We need to change that!!!" "We need to improve out living!!!"


one simple question

Darling, who was the president for so long?

that's basically admitting that you failed as a president (had not change what was needed to be changed) and now you are asking for votes from the candidate from your party (the party who was responsible for a lot of doubtful choices) hoping she will suck less

I never understood that

I never understood all of those projects, where people sing songs (not even collecting the money, but just sing songs to attract more attention to some certain problem), while ideas of how you can really solve the problem are being rejecting, because of the lack of financial support

if to choose from two candidates I would definitely vote for that arrogant jerk Trump, only because he says what he thinks

if to choose with the brain, then I would certainly vote for some third candidate, even if he/she loses, then at least I tried

but voting for a woman only because she is a woman?

then the perfect candidate would be Black Latin transgender gay woman

do you see, how ridiculous that is?

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Summer of love, winter of hate

Dear Emil Bulls

when the hell will you visit Estonia or Finland?

you are terribly needed here

with your aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawesome songs

like Porcelain

Going palm oil free is annoying

today I wanted to buy my favorite soy sort of meatballs
it tastes almost like a real meat (I am not sure, though, that I remember how meat tastes like:))

vegetable oil

there were written vegetable oil

so I needed to put out my phone and check what was written on their official page

nothing much

so I bought it

with the hope, there were no palm oil

then I wanted to buy roasted nuts

did not buy it, because all of the nuts they had, were covered in palm oil

then I got mad, and decided, if I can't have the nuts, at least I can buy some biscuits


there was a good variety of biscuits

none of them were palm oil free

lucky me :)

that freaking thing is everywhere

so in the end, I went to my favorite Kalev cookies, because I remembered that half a year ago I checked, and it was palm oil free

now the question: am I eating cookies right now?


Kalev sold their soul and now they use palm oil as well

Et tu, Brute?

apparently, yeah

you don't notice, that you consume a lot of palm oil

but you do

and hunt for the clean, but not really healthy products is a challenge now

at least I still have Vanajan cookies to buy

Dear Finnish brand, please, please, please stay palm oil free

My official statement on palm oil

if you know me in person, then I am pretty sure I already tired you with my Palm oil is baaaaaaaad attitude

I do believe it is bad

I read a lot of articles on pros and cons of palm oil and my official statement: I will try my best to avoid it

I'm sorry

greedy producers

but I live in a land, that can produce sunflower oil

why the hell should I use your cheap dirty palm oil?

the products taste the same, so if you don't read the labels then you probably missed the time, when suddenly everything is made with palm oil

check your products

the amount of palm oil you take may surprise you

it is literally everywhere


and they don't put it on the cover like "made with palm oil"


they may hide it under "made with vegetable oil" and you need to see what is written in other languages, because some countries demand more specific details

and then you will probably find Palm oil

if the product line is fancy, then they will write something like "from controlled sources"

I will stand on my own

palm oil is bad

team sunflower oil! (or pretty much any other oil, like olive)

I will challenge myself: I won't buy any products with palm oil anymore

pretty much all junk food is gone now

most of the cookies



salted nuts


the list goes on

but well

time to eat cabbage :)

Team sunflower!!!


Butterfly, butterfly

I hate this song

I hate the music


it scratches my ears from the inside making them bleed

and yes

I love the chorus part


therefore I am developing the ability to mute the parts, that I don't like and enjoy the part that I love


wonderful lyrics

it is that 80's vibe that I can't stand

I posted the official remix version, because the original has even more of that awful music :)

but for that "tomorrooooooooooooooooooooooooow" part I can listen to that 80's crap as much as they wish


Monday, September 26, 2016


Sia was definitely hurt multiply times in her life

I feel bad for her

but it is good, that she decided to make a good music out of it

you go, girl!

Mirrors in elevators

scare me more, than I would like to admit

I always had complicated relationship with mirrors

I find them creepy

it is like if they decide how you look today

it is like with the room

does the room still exist when you close the door?

it is the same for me with the face

does your face stays the same when you don't look in the mirror

it is illogical fear

but I always had it with the fear of printed photos


if you leave a phantom of you on the paper

and on the mirror surface

should not it be bad for you?

I know, I know, I am educated person

but it is what it is

a week ago I was visiting a friend

I had never been in that apartment and we needed to use the elevator

it was a nice clean elevator

with a huge mirror in it



when the doors open

it was a long ride for me

I am not a claustrophobic person

nor am I afraid of elevators

but I just screamed inside when we were using it

it felt, like if the little space in that elevator was trying to swallow me inside it

I don't mind mirrors at home, they are your family mirrors

I don't mind mirrors at public places, people usually glance for a moment there, to make sure they look good

but mirror in the super tiny elevator, where you have nowhere to hide and all of the people, who use the elevator, every single day spend a lot of time in that closed space

and they look in the mirror for a long time

it just freaks me out

it is like a crowded elevator

even if you are in it alone


I would not rent an apartment, if the building has an elevator with mirror in it

I just would not

Sunday, September 25, 2016

One of those days

if you ask random girl "Do you have kind of days, when you feel like you look bad, but still somehow get a lot of attention?" she most likely answers "Yes"

it is just some kind of genetic mystery

today when I was leaving home, I looked in the mirror and thought: well, I look like a shit today, but I can't be gorgeous all the time"

so I was walking smiling like an idiot, without caring how I look (because I already decided I look like shit today) and having inner dance while listening to Glorious


the men just could not stop looking at me and trying to introduce themselves

I dunno

standing in the line, like, you have your woman standing next to you, why do you smile and wink (!) at me???


it was one of those days

when your body attracts opposite sex

men are complicated

*gone dancing

glorious you

glorious yoooou

Friday, September 23, 2016

I have a waving problem

I am waving everytime I see a chance for waving

I have no idea why :)

it is not like if I were super friendly

sometimes I don't bother saying Hello and just nod or smile instead


if I see somebody waving at me

I wave back


you are probably wondering, well, what's the problem?

the problem is, I am waving back even if somebody waves on TV show


you may catch me waving at my monitor, because somebody in the show waved

or if I found some waving bear picture

I dooooooooooon't know

is it some instinct?

but I always wave back


it feels, like I already wrote about it, but the problem is just getting bigger

couple of days ago while sitting in a bar with my friends, one of them asked, why are you waving at television?

well, because the athlete there waved, that's why

like d'oooh


and that's a problem

I won't tell you how many times I waved, while typing this post


**yes, I counted

just stop waving already!!!


aaand here goes the ninth

I'm not saying that I am hockey God

but statistically I may be


I am watching hockey a lot and as far as I remember there were only two games that my team lost when I was watching

and they were played while I was a beginner hockey admirer and one with doubtful judgment

I was all in painting stuff and I just did not have time to watch The World Cup


I had not watched a single game of Finland

and I am sorry for that

because we lost all of them

ALL of them

and you know that Finnish team is a hell of a good team

I don't know what happened, maybe they all were too tired from the flights

I don't know

but I still love them


like I love Columbus Blue Jackets

and Espoo United (aka ex Espoo Blues)

but I can't watch all of your games

my ability of bringing luck to the people I love is limited, if I can't see you, I can't help you



that's how, my dear friends, people with God syndrome are born



statistic doesn't lie :)

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Russian music

I realized that very few of the people, who are here are actually Russians

and the rest of you probably had not heard Russian music that is popular today

I will post songs, that I don't hate, so that you would be in touch with Russian music

now you probably would be surprised, since Russians are portrayed being all that racist, fascist, but can you have any more multicultural song that this one?

it is very popular in Russia :)

I'm not gay

but sometimes I watch that video, only to look at that girl, she is soooooooo beautiful


the other on is little a inappropriate for underage people, so if you are not 18, that video may disturb you

you probably should know that about Russian girls: they like to show their bodies and I think it is the right attitude


the next one is bit older song, but I just love it :)

a mne pora domooooooooooi


and the last one


I need to add, that Leningrad is the band that, well, curse a lot :) a loooooooooooot :) and they make satirical videos, so don't take everything that you see now like it is, but try to think deeper

you can turn the subtitles on to understand what are they singing about

as you may noticed, there are a lot of half naked girls in those videos

but like I already said before

it is the way Russian girls dress themselves

my dresses are inappropriate for most of the people as well

I see how you look at me when I wear my favorite short tight coral dress :)

but I am not gonna stop wearing it


your issues are your issues

and I have Russian blood in me


Size does matter

that sounded cheesy, is not it?


but I am talking about rollers

today was The Flamenco day

and it went goooood and fast

I suspect it was due to the magical powers of the hate primer

but maybe because I used the roller just the right size

not too small (like my primer roller was and still is)

and not too big (so I can hold it in my hand with comfort, wink-wink :) )


the bathroom is almost painted (except for the floor, that would be tomorrow's job)

and I just need to put those shelves and stuff back to the walls

now to the entrance hall!

hello, my old friend, primer

we meet again


now back to the real question

the very important one

Does Charlie Hunnam have an official Instagram account?



Tuesday, September 20, 2016

How do people do that on a daily basis?

I mean those people who chose painting walls as their profession

I primed those freaking walls and I hated everything that was attached to the wall

then I hated the primer, because it was not thick enough

then I hated my clumsiness, because that primer was eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverywhere

and the fact that I covered everything in garbage bags to avoid spots does not really change it


I am tired

I am mad

and I have no idea, how am I going to paint those freaking walls tomorrow

because it feels like if I had lost all of the nerves today

but hey

at least I primed all the walls and the ceiling



lets put the tiles in the bathroom, like all of the normal people do

but nooooooooooo

paint it is


freaking Flamenco color paint

today my skin is white (hail to the primer almighty!)

tomorrow it will be pink

and surprise-surprise

in a day it will be white again, because apparently I am painting the corridor as well



and we had green there


that means - more primer!


at least nothing is attached to the walls there


How to prime walls


sometimes I Google non girly things


while I'm still here we decided to paint out bathroom walls from the blue that we had to pink

to surprise dad with princess bathroom

as your logic probably already whispered into your brain: the pink won't fully over cover the mighty blue color

so you need to prime the walls

I primed one wall and I was super mad

that shit just don't cover it as I want it to be covered

so I told my mother, that I would finish with priming tomorrow and right now I am updating my knowledge about priming

I watched a lot of videos with different techniques and understood what my mistakes were 

I put as much primer on the roller as I could and you should not do that, that's why I had those ugly spots

and the biggest mistake was:  I used force

I used all the strength I had in my weak arms and apparently you should not do that

I applied primer upwards, downwards, from the left to the right, from the right to the left and still was not happy with the result

a lot of primer + a lot of force + a lot of roller directions


no wonder I suck at priming the walls

tomorrow I will use less primer, less force and I will try W-technique 

I will prime the shit out of those walls



why do people use Darling so rarely?

it is such a wonderful world




people never called me Darling

they call me: baby, babe, lady and other ugly words that nowadays considered to be good

I don't know

I don't like those words

they sound so cheap and cheesy

Darling sounds so comfy

baby sounds so faceless

and just to show how illogical my logic is, here is the song, where both Darling and Baby were used and both of them are good :)

but I still prefer My Darling

Monday, September 19, 2016

How to become happier from impulsive beauty shopping

about a week ago after looking in the mirror I decided, that I am finally getting old

somehow I suddenly got a lot of wrinkles

and so I thought: well, I am 30, what was I expecting, I am getting old

but NOT YET!!!

sometimes I buy stuff only because I like the packaging

I am talking about you, Anna Sui fragrances


ooookay perfume, woooooooooow bottle

Anna Sui La Nuit de Boheme
do I use it?


do I smile everytime I take the bottle?

hell yes

it is like perfumed jewel of the table :)

another one is Holika Holika Aloe soothing gel




I bought it only because of the bottle

the green jewel of the bathroom


it was standing on the bathroom shelf looking all that masterpiece like (the person who designed that bottle should get a raise)

after discovering the fact, that I am old, I decided, ah, what the hell, why not to use Aloe, my skin can't get any worse and I am gonna die soon anyways


I used it for a week

and Aloe magic happened

I am young again :)

those little wrinkles were just the signs of skin dehydration

I am young, I am young!


I read the comments about that gel later and to my surprise a lot of them were not great because "removing the excessive gel is way too annoying" and the other ones were great "my skin absorbs that gel in seconds"

apparently when your skin is hydrated enough the gel will stay on the skin (I forgot to mention, you can use that gel on every part of your body aaand hair, I had not tried it yet with my hair, but I will do that later)

I used it for a week and I still have it fully absorbed

thaaaaaat dry my skin was

thaaaanks Clinique


Aloe will save me

and bring my youth back :)

I am only 30

and impulsive buying can be good sometimes :)

nice package can be a good addition to outstanding product (which is pretty natural as well, keeping in mind, that 99% of it is Aloe Vera)

Thank you, Holika Holika



this is not a product placement

juuuust loooook at that bottle :)

people will buy it without advertisement

like I did :)

no regrets

Sunday, September 18, 2016

I see nightmares

and I wake up with my heart beating much faster than it should be

if taking into consideration, that my hearts beats faster in normal situation

then every nightmare that I have can kill me

killing nightmares!

that should be the name of my band


I had one of those last light

something about chasing cars, killing people, zombies (I should stop watching Z-nation, but how can I???), old buildings

it is hard to calm down in the morning

I had one of those when I was in Finland this summer

but it was a super bad day then

I learned that men can please themselves on the streets


just like that

sitting on the same bench that you do

hell, that was disgusting, I still remember his winking face



and nobody was near

just me and that pervert

oh well

lets leave it in the past


in addition to the qualities my man should have: "must be Brave" I need to add "must calm me down in the mornings, when I had killing nightmare"

lets add some sunshine to this post

this is a sad song, but it has such a positive vibe, that I am always smiling when I hear it

my name is Rooosemary

But then again

we did not see his funerals

and we did not see his dead body

he was just shut

and unconsciousness


in my perfect world filled with rainbows and butterflies

he is in coma


still talking about fictional character Tex like if he is the real one


Saturday, September 17, 2016

Z-Nation is baaaaaack!!!

I somehow was sure it was canceled

what a pleasant surprise


cray-z show


sometimes I laugh until I cry, when I watch that show

it is the perfect parody on every sooooo-seeeerious zombie movie

I looooove it

it is so absurd

I loooove it


Go, Doc!

Go, Murphy!



I made a "I am going to throw eeeverything away" kind of days before

but this time I feel like if I had lost emotional connections to almost every single thing, that I own

those are just things

things that I don't really need

and if to think how I could had spent money now... dot dot dooooot

but then again

if I bought it, I probably needed it back then


if I die today

I die with no global trace

most of the people I know won't remember anything about me in 25 years

and it is a little bit scary

at least I need to draw some picture

pictures often stay in the history

I talk too much

couple of weeks ago I was attending my close friend's birthday party

and she remembered a lot of things I was passionate before

my bee army for example

imagine a party with educated people

all grown up



by the end of the evening, I had 4 people willing to join my bee army


and it did not even matte,r that they were people, they agree to wear bee costumes


my ideas are pretty hectic

but if in the world full of hate and sadness they make somebody smile for a bit

then I think those ideas are good


Thursday, September 15, 2016

Aaaaaand he is dead

aaaaand here comes the part : I am not going to watch The last ship anymore

aaaaand we all know it is a lie, because I am going to watch it

stupid writers

killing best characters

and leaving amoeba-like plain characters alive (I am talking about that Kara girl)

stupid writers are stupid

We already miss you, Tex!

can we use some Game of Thrones magic and bring him back to life?


Tex is back!!!




do I sound enough like a fan girl now?


I am a little behind in watching The Last Ship and I have the last episode left to watch yet

and I reeeeeeally reeeeeeeeally hope they won't kill Tex, who juuuuuuuuust came back, being as awesome as he is

I like Tex the most, yeah, in the TV-show full of young marines I like the older hobo like man the most :)


The Last Ship is that kind of show, that for the first 10 minutes you check your phone multiply times, go for the snacks and do 100 other little things

but when the episode ends you sit with the mouth opened and think: wait, what, it just started

time just flies :)

full of action (way too pro-American action, but they filmed it, they can do that)

I would never do thaaaaaaat

we all have that kind of friend - always saying "I would never do that"

you eat a sandwich - I would never do thaaaat

you watch TV all day long - I would never do thaaaat

you wear short skirts - I would never do thaaaat

you dye your hair pink - I would never do thaaat

don't get me wrong

I am the person with the biggest God syndrome you will ever meet

but there is fine line in judging people when they do something bad for a lot of people (yeah-yeah)

and judging people, because you "would never do thaaaat"

it is like you take a person, notice something that you would never do, and instantly assume that person is worse than you

like if the world is good, only if everybody is like you

I don't get that

I am an "I don't like that" kind of person

you watch TV all day long - I don' like that, but I see nothing wrong with that if you like it

and so on

you should not feel bad, if you don't like something

I don't like Muslim people, I don't like them, but it is perfectly fine, if you do, that does not make a bad person out of you for me

but in the world "I would neeeeeeeeever say I don't like Muslim people" I am the sadistic nazi pig


feel the difference?

I would never do thaaaaaaat

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

I don't like sad songs

and I don't like his voice

and not a big fan of the music

but like it always is

for some unexplained reason I looooooove this song

I don't like when men sing songs about broken hearts and stuff

for me it is a sign of emotional weakness

especially when they say that : I'm gonna diiiie, because she is with another man and I loved her all my life



maybe you needed to tell her how you felt before she met that man :)


maybe those words won my heart:
Seen a lot of broken hearts
Go sailing by
Phantom ships, lost at sea
And one of them is mine
I kinda miss that feeling, knowing, that you liked someone enough to miss him so bad

I don't have a broken heart

I have super fast beating heart :)

I even changed my heart necklace to snowflake necklace

because it represents the beauty of winter

rather than childish dreams of true love


My legs are made from steel

that would be my perfect answer to the question: are not your legs tired?

today we have a walk with two of my girls

a rather long walk according to one of them, because she was complaining later, that her legs were hurt and she felt super tired


I was wearing my favorite white boots and my minty dress (it is still +20 outside, even though it is almost the middle of September, global warming and stuff)

those boots have some heels :)

and I did not even think, that we had a long walk or something


I felt perfectly fine even walking in those boots


because my legs are made from steel

that's why :)

Tuesday, September 13, 2016


if you happen to live in Europe you probably know, that sizes here usually go like this: ...34-36-38-40-42...

I know, that UK people have different system, but with the same basics: ...6-8-10-12...

after summer, that I spent in color dresses (mint, yellow, red, coral, white, green - I have a lot of summer dresses) I was trying my old winter dresses and they are almost all black

different shades of black


I like my black dresses (especially the eco-leather ones), but I don't feel happy in them

and I am on the pursuit of happiness

so I decided to buy some colorful winter dresses

and so I did

and so I left a pack of my nerves in the fitting rooms


I don't mind my summer dresses being tightly fit, so I bought them in size 36 and was happy enough with them

buuuuuuut I wanted my winter dresses to be slightly less fitted

aaaaand apparently I am size 37, because 36 fits like a glove and 38 fits like a potato sack :)

like whaaaaat the eeeefff


I won't be able to gain enough weight to fit into 38, but I don't want to lose weight to feel comfortable in 36

I bought 3 dresses

all in size 36

but I am starting to think, that maybe I need to register my trademark and start selling clothes with the sizes 35-37-39-41?

after all, I always loved odd numbers more

Monday, September 12, 2016

Just to annoy you

it is time to bring this video back:

you knoooooow yooooou miiiiissed it


but I have to admit their Black Market was way too "oookaaaay" album

hope they will come back with something more like Elective amnesia

we explooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooode

or older songs, when they were not so heavily cleaned and you can hear the whole beauty of Tim's voice

or they may continue doing what they are doing

because we will always have the old songs to turn to in case of need :)

but tonight we dance

but tonight we daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaance

I love this girl

their videos are so disturbing and pretty much really hard to watch


you just wanna wash that dirt away

but then again

you love that band and Maria for what they are doing:)

at least I do

big bad wolf

In this moment and Emil Bulls are the two bands I really want to see live, but still had not been able to


I won't stop until I hold all the aces
this time I'm gonna go for gold
I've learned my lessons from losses
the lamb in me became a lion

they must be soooooooooo gooooooooooooooood live

Money, money, money

you can't buy love with money

you can't buy health with money

and other fluffy puffy stuff people like to share on facebook


I don't think so

you can be unhappy in your marriage being poor as easily, as you can be being rich

same with the health

being poor does not guarantee, that you will be happy and healthy

so I really do not understand why being rich is considered to be a bad thing


"pfff, of course he did that, he is rich"

like if it explains everything

I though a lot about my inner fears: not having home, not having eyesight, not being able to have kids and other things

and I came to realization, that about 90% of those problems can be solved with enough money

I once was already going for money hunt (but mostly because I wanted to buy Hugo Boss dresses)

that was not reason good enough to do things

now I have a lot of them

and if I failed in being a loving person

why not to become rich

money is not the root of all evil

the opportunities money give you - is

I made a lot of mistakes with no money

why not to make the with enough money?

today I earned 0 euros

and I need to fix that

where do people* get money?

*people who are not Jews**

**no antisemitism intended


Saturday, September 10, 2016

Things you probably did not know

unless you are from English speaking country

in that case you should probably read some grammar books to refresh your knowledge

I was born

we use that phrase a lot

and it never occurred to me, that "born" is not a noun

for me that always was a noun, even though I knew the translation, was born was like some sort of statement for me



dear friends

the infinitive form of "born" is


to bear :)

how awesome is that?

I like thinking that in English countries my birth has something in common with super mega awesome creature

The Bear :)

in human world: to bear, bore, born

if you believe in reincarnation here is one path for you, based on the grammar:

I once was a bear, then I got bored, so I died and was born as a human this time


Rusty K

if you missed my strange choice of music

here is one of my latest finds

Rusty K - Frozen heart

and he is Russian

there is something diabolically attractive in that music


now prepare for the most unexpected news from me

from paranoid parrot like me








I knoooooow

but I don't like # sign, so it is pretty much album of my pictures

no hash tags

no comments

blogger is for my thoughts

insta is for the pictures


my new nickname is Flakyjay


I read the definition of the word Flaky

and I love it even more now :)

I need this place

as some of you may had noticed my world was closed for about a month

I was thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to deleting it

but I gave time to myself to think about "do I really want to erase all of the memories", so I just closed it to public


as some of you may had already noticed

I am back


apparently I need this place more than I could had thought

it is like the wasteland of my thoughts and opinions

my place of self-help

it is good to remember the bad times and relive the good ones


this place is like my true friend with whom I can talk about everything without having crazy looks


I have good friends

I have awesome friends

but for the last couple of months I was trying to get close to them and share not only the good things in my life, but to look for support when I was down


I am back here

that means, I did not get what I wanted

and that's okay

you can continue talking about your problems and saying "you are oooooverreaaaacting much, you weeeeeere not even daaaaaaating"

and I will think "well, he is the only man I have in my mind now, and as you know, I have serious problems with liking somebody longer for couple of months"

you see

my problems are always not problems

because in my world I am a clown

and in public I can not be sad

about anything

and that's okay

there are a lot of sad people in the world

I will write my sadness here and be a happy person there:)

we are all wearing masks

my happy mask is not the worst :)