Thursday, April 28, 2016

What is that hype all about?

I mean Beyonce dropped an album

and now everybody are talking was he cheating or not


I am gonna say something, that people won't understand

I have absolutely no idea why people still call Beyonce Queen B

her last couple of albums were just plain

she is really a nice looking lady, but that does not make a Queen out of you in the music world

therefore yeah


the answer is


she used to have beautiful songs

Time kills

had sudden clarity moment yesterday

people always say that time heals, but hell no

it kills

it is the ultimate killer

lets imagine a situation:

you are drowning, are you dead the moment you get into water? no, the moment you start having troubles with breathing? no, it is because the time passes and you no longer have oxygen to breath

it is like the time captures the moment you start having troubles and patiently waits

if to take the moment you start dying, then every single moment of it you are still alive, but combined together into the line called Time, it kills you in the end

you can take the most intense pain for one moment, but not when they are united into the Time line

counting seconds til you die

I need to start living

ignoring the illness

the loneliness

the sadness

Time is stealing my moments and creates a road to death

I want my road to be covered in snow, sunshine and laughter

do you hear me? Time, biiiiatch, I know who you are

Wednesday, April 27, 2016


I have absolutely no idea what to do next

or on the contrary

way too many ideas


I can't take all the paths I want to take and I end up taking the accidental one

I need a solid plan

and I always fail making solid plans

my life just happens to consist of sudden moments


help meeeeeeeeee

My new favourite picture


it is impossible to translate to English without losing the whole meaning of the word

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Chef hat, black lipstick and a hammer

"I don't wanna know what you are doing in Finland", - said my niece, when I took those things out of my suitcase


I brought ton of things already back home and I have 3 tons more to bring

I bought a lot of things and I understand why

I was replacing the emotions and human interaction that I needed with things I did not need

shopping therapy

like if having thing would help me feel better

it did not


but Frank Turner did:)

you know what was the first thing I did, when I returned after the show?

threw away bunch of things, just to have more free space

and it felt gooooooooooood

buying things will not replace that sadness that you have

changing your life will



I did not even like the song before


but after the show every time I open my drawer and see this hand cream:

I am starting singing Mittens in my head:)

the song kinda soaked into my soul

especially the last part of it

We used to fit like mittens

but never like gloves

never like glooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooves

I should probably put that hand cream to some other place:)

I wanna fit like gloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooves

Monday, April 25, 2016

Brian Fallon always makes me smile

he has sad songs

but they sound so lovely, that I am always smiling


he has a solo album now "Painkillers" (he used to be in The Gaslight Anthem, now they are on hiatus)

Frank Turner stole my heart and healed my soul

and I don't mind it


you know I am a big fan of Rise Against

I have been to their shows three times and I am pretty sure I will go watching them many more times

but I had never had such a blast of positive emotions that I had watching Frank Turner

he is performing for 15 years and you can see how he still enjoys it

it is not like a job for him

or money gathering tour (ticket cost 20eur, like, come oooon, Finnish bands probably take more than that)

he just wants to share his songs with people

and he does that perfectly:)

the interaction with public was perfect


we were like real friends with him

I had been down for couple of months lately

completely empty

after his performance I kinda got it all back

you know

the desire to live and do something


the pieces of my mind kinda got into right places and started working there


my body hurts baaaaaaaaaaad (when I like something, I like it with all of my heart and my jumping and dancing skills add to that:))

if you ever ave a chance to see Frank live - use it

Positive songs for negative people is the perfect description of his songs :)

Thank you, Frank Turner!


We can get better

Because we are not dead yet!

and do not forget, that Turner performs with The sleeping souls and they are awesome:)

Thursday, April 21, 2016

I have five last post titles starting with "I"

I think I am a little bit self oriented lately :)

I am sure it is just a coincidence, but maybe it is my inner need to be selfish now


I am not a good person

it just happened so

but what I did not know, is that our evil nature runs in the family

yesterday my niece sent me one sad story and I told her that I should feel bad, but I laughed out loud when I read that

her response was: me too


the kindness in our family is not universal

it is selective

we don't give a shit about starving African kids or crying women, who always complain, that their husbands hit them , but they never leave them

sympathy is selective thing

and you need to earn it

but when you do

you can be sure our family will do everything to help you


we are tolerably evil people :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

I have nothing to write about

I have a lot to think about

but somehow everything I want to talk about may hurt somebody's feelings

and we don't need that

don't we?

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

I eat junk food at least three times a week

and I am not a monster size girl


XS-S sizes like I had always been

my secret diet?

I am drinking a lot



here is my average liquid consumption:

morning: glass of milk, glass of yoghurt, glass of juice and sometimes cup of tea

dinner: glass of juice or milk or tea (just one)

supper: glass of something drinkable

in between at least 1 litre of additional liquids (usually cola light + sparkling water)

it is like I always have a glass of something next to me



it is not a joke

sometimes when I am watching something I have a glass of Cola light and a glass of sparkling water next to me, because I am always switching it :)

I drink a lot


but I don't like lemonades with a lot of sugar, because they just don't taste good for me:)

so if you want to stay in the size you are, drink a lot of something :)

I have a lot of things

a lot of things I don't really need

I am packing my things to go back to Estonia

and if last time it was enough, that my family came visiting me and they took most of my stuff with them

this time I need a car


and I still have doubts whether it all will fit into one nooooooooot that big car

hopefully it will

I am going home

with the chance of coming back to Finland in couple of months

I will think about that



Monday, April 18, 2016

You know you are getting old

when you start truly enjoying blues and blues rock :)

accidentally got into my unsorted playlist

had been instantly promoted to favourites playlist

Leslie West - Fade Into You


love it

Friday, April 15, 2016


38,593,161 people

that is the population of Poland this year

almost 40 million people

now, don't get me wrong

I am not a complete dumbass and I have been reading newspapers and books on a daily basis

but in my mind, population of Poland always had been around 5 000 000


I live in the region, where there are not a lot of people and looking territory of what size Poland has I always thought, well, around 5 million, because there are not enough space for more people for comfortable living

I was wrong )

40 000 000 there feel perfectly fine :)

I am sorry dear Polish people, I underestimated the size of your population

but now I know :)

38,593,161 people

what else I don't know?


I am going home

not sure for how long yet

but in May and June I am home

will think about what will happen next a little bit later


I am gonna miss my boys

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Playlist for my funeral

that is an absolutely normal thing to do

creating playlist for your own funeral


so far I have 4 songs

Dropkick Murphys - Going out in Style

aaaand a bunch of Frank Turner songs:

Frank Turner - Eulogy

Frank Turner - One Foot Before the Other

that song is like a perfect plan for what to do with the ashes


if you have some time read the lyrics

like freaking genius plan :)

and yeah, yeah, I know about how impossible it is

but I do believe some super little tiny part of everything are in us
I know that everything we are right now is everything that was
That Watt Tyler, Woody, Guthrie, Dostoevsky and Davy Jones
Are all dissolved into the ether and have crept into my bones

the last one is not about the dying, but I have those kind of emotions when I am listening to it, beautiful sadness :)

and surprise-surprise

Frank again :)

Frank Turner - I Am Disappeared

burn me to ashes

and play those songs :)

Wednesday, April 13, 2016


I have no explanation to it

but I love coupons :)

I love having them

I do not usually use it, but knowing that I have them makes me for some reason happier :)

it often happens so, that I planned to buy something, I have some coupon (20% off!), I put it in my wallet, go buying what I want and forgetting to use that coupon

and I do not even feel mad at myself :)

it is just knowing, that I HAD that coupon I could had used closes the deal for me :)

not necessary to use it, more important just to have it

I have a coupon soul:)

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Guess who is coming to town

Frank Turner!!!!!

Frank bloody Turner!!!!


next week :)

sometimes I think it is my super power to feel, when some band is going to perform in Helsinki


last week I rediscovered the beauty of Frank Turner's songs and yesterday decided to see if he is on tour now

hell yes he is

and 23.04 he will be in Helsinki

and you know where you can find me :)

already bought the ticket

and for your information, tickets cost only 20 eur



like some local band

getting ready to scream my lungs out and jump the hell out of me :)

because he is awesome :)

Do I look like a hooker???

we had a Christmas party (don't ask why in April) last Saturday on a ship

I have mixed feeling now about that

do I really look like a hooker to Finnish men?

is a short dress and red lipstick enough here to be classified as a whore?

I am a pub person, I love being in pub with some friends, I like the atmosphere, the live music, the simple food and I don't mind at all, when people take couple of beers

I do not drink alcohol, therefore I was a little bit out of our company and I decided to go to the pub on the ship to listen to some good music

and I did

and I listened to good live music:)

then one 50ish years old man tried to introduce himself to me, I said that I am not interested, he went away and came back asking what he did wrong and I told him like it it "I am sorry, but you are too old for me" he froze for a moment, looked at me and said "well, yes I am indeed" and left

that was funny

what was not funny, that right after he left another man came to me, pointed on two men sitting in the corner and said "those boys think you are beautiful, go talk to them and do other things, You know what to do, I will find you later" and he said "you know what to do" in such a confident way that I was a little bit confused, I thought maybe I understood him wrong and he meant something less offensive

then was a hairy man, with whom I would had talked, if only he was not so drunk, so I said I am not interested

in a couple of minutes some reeeeeeeeeeeeally old man came to me and offered me money to go with him

now that was the moment, I realized those men all thought I was a whore and that old man was too old for playing games and said like it is, he has the money, I have the body, but he was not rude or aggressive, so I just told him I am nooooot about that (later I saw him walking hand to hand with some girl, he got what he wanted:))

then my hairy guy returned with a chair, put his chair next to my table and had no intentions to leave :) that was cute, but he was sooooooooooooo drunk, that I barely understood what he was talking about and then he started trying to touch me

thank you, coincidence, that I saw my co-worker in the same bar, he was looking for out team, so I politely left that drunk man with the words that I need to find my co-workers


all that took not more than one hour

what I do not understand is why did they think I was that easy girl, I had a short dress, that is true, but I was sitting and they could not see my legs so much

I had not shown my boobs

not even a bit in that dress, golden rule: more cleavage - longer dress. short dress - no cleavage

I still feel like a girl being thrown in the dirt, only because I am not ashamed of the fact, that I have beautiful legs and not afraid to show my body

and that instantly makes a whore out of me in Finland

now I look at every man I work with and think "do you think I am a hooker for wearing short dresses???"



still wearing my short dresses, if you think I am a hooker, that is okay, it is your opinion, I think you are a jerk, and that is okay, that is my opinion :)

Hooker and a jerk sounds like a good comedy show to watch :)

was a lovely night after that hooker disaster, my boys are the best and yes, water in a Martini glass, looking like some expensive cocktail was a very nice gesture :)

it was sad, though, that Finnish people drink soooooooooooooo much

soooooooooooo much

and girls drink as much as boys do


equality and stuff


Friday, April 8, 2016



no no no no no no



get out of my head

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Some songs make me smile

for those whom I troubled with my smile in the morning bus - I am not sorry

I could not stop smiling, when I heard that song

I love Frank Turner and I posted couple of his songs here

now I have new favourite

Four simple words

my fingers were already reaching the delete button when I started listening to that song, because I don't like slow songs in my phone, but then the magic moment happened and I just could not stop smiling

such a wonderful song:)

I want to dance

I wanna daaaaaaaaaance


Wednesday, April 6, 2016

I am gonna regret posting this song here the moment I post it

but I am gonna post it, because I looooooooooooooove it

you can judge the hell out of me

still love it:)

loooooooooooooooove it


mostly because it perfectly describes the way I feel about one man from work:)

now that man has a song :)

something bout yoooooooooou

Monday, April 4, 2016

Stop me

stop me from leaving Finland

you are single

I am single

find some courage and give me the reason to stay