Thursday, December 31, 2015

I still find his voice captivating

Frank Turner

there is something in it, that keeps crawling in my head and chilling there:)

and I don't mind :)

but if you ask me who has the best voice on planet Earth, I give you the answer millions of girls give

Russell Crowe

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-voice at its finest :)

The cold is back

it did not bring snow

but we have white frost now

and it does feel like winter now :)


still remember eating ice cream outside wearing another short dress in Helsinki

met a kid with ice cream too that moment

what is an okay situation, if there had not been muslim people standing near by

wearing super warm jackets with super warm hats and and and and and FACE MASKS

you know, those ugly ones, that cover your face when it is extremely cold outside

I still do not feel bad that I laughed when I saw them

like cooome on

we ate ice cream and they were already dying from cold

it was not even minus temperature yet :)

hopefully it will be cold winter

just to show them the range of temperatures we have here


I must feel bad

getting more ill

getting older

still single with small heart capacity to love

but but buuuuut

I love my life now

I love how I look and how I feel

I love how I look with make up as much as I love myself with no make up

I love my hair in perfect style as much as I love it hobo style

I am like a monkey now :)

each time I see a reflecting surface I freeze for a moment enjoying the look :)

should I feel bad?

yeah, probably

I am not a top model

but somehow I do not compare myself to other girls anymore

it is like if I suddenly reached a point of no return

I accepted my ill body (even you, my betraying heart), my wicked mind and not perfect appearance

aaaand if to put it all together, I happened to come out one hell of an amazing person with no possibility to replace me :)

and if you can't replace me, I can't compare myself with you


I am perfect :)

in comparison with every single person who is like me, I always win

because they are me, myself and I :)

King Jana is back

but now I am willing to accept the Queen title :)




Apulanta's man is in my team

the team with a huge hole

that can not be healed


noooot in the heart, you little sad people

in a lip:)

saw a video, and now Finnish band Apulanta is in my favorite band list

only because we share the same type lip hole that can be seen even after the labret (or maybe he wore a lip ring, I don't know) was removed


I have the same hole

do I regret having lip piercing?

not even a bit:)

I loved it when I got it, I loved it while I wore it and I still miss it sometimes, even though I took it off only 3 or 4 years ago

but I do think, that maaaaay be, juuuuust maaaaaay be, I will surgically remove it

but most likely I won't

because it is barely seen :)

what I will remove for sure, is one of my tattoos, I never liked it and making it was a mistake (still don't understand how the hell did I let the man with shaking hands do that, maybe because he had good reputation and lots of tattoo fest wins and diplomas)

I already found a clinic, need to save some money to remove it, thaaaaaank my brain, for getting it in black and in small size, removing it won't be super expensive

I do think about getting a new one

the image of it just had not been born yet in my brain

but I am feeling, that it is in progress :)

valooot pimeyksieeen reunoillaaaa

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

I decided not to take money

I have enough money now to buy a good used car

but I will not buy it

I will not buy anything

or invest them in something

I decided it is wrong to use those money, because it is not mine

we had an agreement with my father, that he will pay half of my Finnish rent, so my mother opened an account to put that money on it

I thought it was okay, since my father offered paying himself, I did not ask for it

he earns good money

my parents also pay for my ferry tickets to Finland and back

I thought it is okay as well

I don't think that now

I am too spoiled and maybe that's why I agreed to work having slave salary

I want to buy a car

but I will not do that

in January I will use only my money

only what I earned myself

I am pretty sure I will be back home in Tallinn by the end of month with zero euros in my pocket

and that is how it has to be

you can not spend more than you earn

even if it is your family money you should not spend it

gonna find a higher paying job much faster now

when you don't have money to eat

you start doing something

and you do not agree to work for 1300 a month


if to calculate

without my parents financial help

I am paying:
  • 410 for A ROOM, not an apartment
  • 155 for a public transport tickets
  • 150 for ferry tickets (75 twice a month)
  • 17 for mobile internet + 10 for calls and messages
that would be 742

those are needed each month, leaving me with 558 for the rest of the month on everything

I can not skip meals, because I am ill

and I am eating a lot

did you see the food prices in Finland?

HIGH as mountains


then add medicines, beauty products, hockey tickets, unforeseen expenses (and bank expenses, why the fuck do they charge so much on nothing?)

I am human, I go to hockey at least once a month too (buy cheap tickets for 20)

18,6 euros I can spend every day to have 0 by the end of the month

but I want to have a car

I need to put aside at least 200 every month and in a year I will be able to buy some shitty car for 2400

that would leave me 358 for living which is 12eur a day



numbers don't lie

I do not think it is right to downgrade my preferable lifestyle level only to stay at work I really love

I love my job, I really, really do

but franticly counting "I hope it is less than 12 eur, or I have nothing to eat tomorrow" is not the price I am willing to pay for loving my job

dear Estonia

expect me back in February :)

numbers don't lie

and I will no longer working in negative bank account balance, only because I love my pipe nation boys, my colleagues and my job in general - "no, there is no man, I am the senior surveyor here" - gonna miss using that line:)))

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

TV shows make me feel stupid but I still have hope

before the era of the small screen I thought I am pretty much smart

like smartie smart

what the hell

I thought I am the smartest of my friends


aaaand pretty much smarter than 97% of my school mates

aaand university

but then this happened

The Big Bang Theory, Elementary, Mentalist, Sherlock, House MD, Scorpion

just to name few


and I realized I am extremely stupid

then I started reading books about everything

gathering information about everything

my biggest mistake was, that I did not read the book about storing that information in my memory

I wasted a lot of time on information I had not been able to keep in my brain

I no longer think I am smart

I think it would had been much more productive to stay in one field

but well

yesterday we learned, that I can't make choices


I am pretty good surveyor (like come on, I am working in a country using my fourth language on daily basis and most of people understand me), but it is not big enough for me

I want to try something new

I still have my list of dream jobs from 2013
  • Astronaut
  • Glaciologist
  • Astrophysicist
  • Investigator 
  • Hockey coach
  • Book store owner
  • Biathlon athlete
the first four jobs used to be in the list of "dream jobs I will never have", but in two years my confidence somehow skyrocketed and even though I am still ill (aaaand I haaaaave aaaaaaa faaaaaast beeeeeating heeeeeart nooooow), I think I can boost my brain enough to fill all the needed skills in it

that is my new year resolution

chasing my dream jobs


and I am bad at it :)

help me!

Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing at our face

Saying, "Wake up, you need to make money."

another song I am not gonna get tired of


Monday, December 28, 2015

In case you had forgotten

this song

I will post it again


I know my biggest weakness now

I just typed "now" as "snow"

I guess I am missing snow a little bit too much

nobody gave me the snow

so here is a picture for myself

back to weaknesses

my biggest weakness is not that I am such a huge moody jerk


thats my biggest pain the the ass

my weakness is inability to make a choice

I realized it couple of days ago, when I bought 5 different packs of tampons


do I need it?


one would be perfectly enough

but I saw the new improved one, the old good one, the fancy one, the new company one and the pink one

and I bought it all

then I came home

thinking Whaaaaat the actual heeeeeeell

and I saw it

I have at least 7 hand creams

5 toothpastes (using 3, 2 are in the beauty box, but still)

and other things

all in pretty good alternatives

what I use in every day life

I have AT LEAST 3 different kinds of

at first, I thought I have some shopping problem

but I do not buy things I won't use

I just can't stick with one option

same with men

I am not kidding now, one of my close friends already came up with the nickname "your primary future husband" for the man I like the most at work

did you mention the word "the most"?

that's right

in addition to my favorite one, each week I have at least two others

the two always change

but still

I can't even stick to one man

I can not choose

I am always looking for some other options

how the hell is that possible?

I know what I want

but I can't find it

one thing I found

Dior Addict mascara :)

when I found it, I stopped buying dozens of other ones

but I thought about buying another one

did not buy it

does it mean I can stop choosing when I found the right one?

does it include men?

will I stop having side loves, when I meet The man?

I think so

I am a moody jerk

and now I am a picky bitch

but I know what I am looking for

and I need to stand with no more than 2 options, when I buy every day goods


if I lower my expectations, I am pretty sure I will always cheat on my man, because I will always know he is not The man

but I did not switch my hockey team when our crisis happened after all

so I am loyal

to the people I had chosen


my future man will be the happiest man on Earth when he realizes, that out of aaaaaall of the men in the world, I had chosen him

by that time he probably will realize how hard for me it is to stay with one option


I am a tough cookie indeed

The betrayal of my fast beating heart

it took me one week to forgive my fast beating heart for being such a weak thing

but from now when I talk about my heart I will not name it cold, dead, black and so on

it is "my fast beating heart" now

I have one

and it is fast

and weak

the last thing to betray me :)

after all, I always knew my body is slowly sinking down to the depths of multiverse :)

now just a little bit faster

got the joke, got it, got it?:)

until my brain works, I will be perfectly fine

in my company of weak body parts


I am a tough cookie

Friday, December 25, 2015

I don't understand why people love Paris so much

I really tried

I tried to fall in love with the Eiffel tower

with french language

and french food

and french movies

well, apparently I have absolutely nothing french in me


from the pictures I saw I still think, that Paris is pretty much just an ugly old town, trying to be romantic and ignoring all the trash (and I am not talking only about actual garbage now)

I do not like french language

I do not like the way it sounds (it is so soft, like a chewing gum, like if french people are afraid to toughen up)

I do not like modern french literature

I read it

plenty of it

but I can't name a single modern writer

I only remember old school Voltaire (but if keeping in mind how many years he lived outside France, it is hard to say he was Frenchy boy), Stendhal (Russia, Italy etc), Jules Verne and Dumas (pretty much the only French authors I respect), and there is Hugo (still think Notre-Dame de Paris is way overpriced)

almost all of them are from 19th century

so I don't understand why French people are so proud of their literature (from my experience, most of the novels were "E L James of that time" kind of novels)

movies are the same - you just can't add naked person in the movie doing some repetitive crap and then call it art house movie that you have to love, because it is french and you muuuust looooove everything french

or that hideous amount of iron they call Eiffel tower

it is like if they are trying a little bit too hard for the rest of the world to love them

I don't accept that kind of forced love

my dream love country is definitely not Paris

I like calm and wild and the same time:)

Iceland and Ireland

they are both fire and ice at the same time, but very confident and self oriented

they don't need to force you to love they

you either love it, or not

if not, then they just don't give a slight damn about that :)

I want to go to Iceland to see ice caves and geysers

I want to go to Ireland to visit Dublin and Belfast and then to go to some really small town village with their local pub, just talk to people about their lives and then for some reasons I want to run it the fields:)

I have that strange desire for many years now

to run in the Ireland fields:)))

you can love everything French

but I just don't

I miss the time when Jared Leto was a singer

I miss a lot of things lately


but I love 30 seconds to Mars

and I loved their show in Tallinn

I do think, he is an outstanding actor

but come on

we miss your captivating voice


Waited for a text message

that never came

you know that feeling, when you grab your phone and see message icon and you hope it is from that one special person

and then you see some lovely greetings from other people and you still feel disappointed

it is like, bitch, you should be happy, that people still remember you and send you season greetings

but nooooooo

you are disappointed, because it was not from him

but well

continue being the shy guy

and I will continue being awesome


Monday, December 21, 2015

Apparently I have a weak heart

but I have one!


I don't like going to the doctors, because they always find something extremely bad

this time it was my heart

"Darling, your heart beats way too fast, you need to go to the cardiologist right now"

I did not really understand how is it, that my heart is weak, when it pumps my blood with such a fast speed

I have super mega strong heart in my opinion


it can pump my blood however fast it wants to


but yeah

"you would not be able to breath with the nose you have"

"you will lose all your teeth by the time you turn 30"

"you will lose your eyesight"

"you will lose your leg"

name one part of my body and I can guarantee some doctor had said to me, that I am gonna lose it and then die:)

doctors tend to overreact a lot


I have diabetes for 18 years already

I am gonna die one day

like all of you (but most likely a little bit sooner)

no need to worry:)

and my heart is perfectly fine

it just prefers to work a bit faster

don't see a problem there
After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure
I love harry Potter books with all of my fast beating heart:)

and I am already waiting for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Christmas movies' time

I started watching Christmas movies


first on the list of 100 best Christmas movies was 12 Dates of Christmas

I did not want to watch it, because I did not like the poster of that movie

I was thinking about, well, some ugly guy gets some hot girl on Christmas eve

I was looking on that poster and decided to see who else is starring there

imagine my surprise, when I got to know, that ugly guy is actually super hot Mark-Paul Gosselaar

I knoooooow


he looks hot in the movie as well, I do not know who created that poster, but they must fire that person

as for the hot girl, she looks much better on poster

I did not like the movie, bur mostly because I don't like the movies where the same day repeats itself over and over and over again (exception: episode of Supernatural)

you don't have to be genius to understand, that you will see it 12 times

and you know how it ends :)

I did not have any sympathy for them: the girl was pathetic, the boy was overreacting



so if you are a girl

I would recommend it only if you like Mark-Paul


if you are a guy

there was a team of hockey players

with a loooot of black players in it


Sunday, December 20, 2015

I miss the times when rap music was good

not like today

I still think 2Pac is the best

it would had been interesting to hear what kind of music he could had made if he was still alive today

And I can't help but wonder why, so many young kids had to die
Caught strays from AK's and the driveby
Swollen pride and homicide, don't coincide
Brothers cry for broken lives, mama come inside
Cause our block is filled with danger
Used to be a close knit community but now we're all cold strangers
Time changes us to stone them crack pipes
I am listening to his last album "Better Dayz" and I love it

compare to today's shit:

I'm not lying now

it is one of the most popular rap songs today

almost 100 000 000 views on youtube (and I just added one, I feel bad for that)

see the difference?

rap music is good

but what today is taken as rap has absolutely nothing in common with rap

I wanted to say that he is aging well

but then I saw a video

and now I think Bryan Adams should accept the fact that he is not young anymore

if telling complete truth: he looks older than 56

I would give him 66

but maybe because I am bit mad at him


uses young girl as his love interest in his new video

I am updating my music collection and when I saw that Bryan Adams has a new album at first I was surprised, because I was sure he had retired already from the music business

I had listened to it and I liked it

he is still super nice man

with super cute lovely songs

I liked You belong to me, because, like come on, he knows the right words to melt any woman's heart:)

especially in the world of passive men, who can't even start a conversation

but then I saw the video and though, daaaaaym you look too old for that girl

being helpless romantic as I am (shut up, I still believe in love) I now think, that young girl is the memory of the his wife when she was young and now for some reasons they are apart from each other (hopefully she is not dead) and he is just remembering her touches

here is the video

I think the way girl's hands hug his body is super intimate and it looks amazing

kudos to the director of that video

if only Bryan had not looked as her grandfather


I just wanna hooooooo oooooo oooooooo ld you

Saturday, December 19, 2015

My weird food preferences

"That is weird even for you" said my niece, when I told her, that every Sunday I have a strong need to drink lemon soda or juice

the more lemon is in it, the better it is

lemon drinks where sugar is on the first place in the ingredients list is not suitable at all

it has to be so sour, that it can burn everything out inside you :)

and it has to be Sunday

every time I see a lemon juice on any other day I think "naaay, I don't want that now"

but every Sunday, like some Cinderella looking for her prince, I am looking for a lemon juice

another one is wok noodles

I do not cook them

I do not use sauces

I just eat them like chips

open a bag and eat it

Santa Maria Wok noodles

and I do my best not to eat anything that was not previously packed or cooked in front of me

for some unexplained reason people tend to feed me meat when they got to know I don't eat meat

I still remember, when I came to one of my closest friends birthday family party and there was a lot of food

a loooooooooooot of food (like on any Russian birthday)

my friend knew that I don't eat meat and I said, that there is no need to make special dishes for me, I can eat simple potatoes with nothing

when I came to her birthday I realized there was absolutely not a single dish without meat

which is okay, since I don't eat much after all, so I thought I can pass on the food, simply drinking juice

but no

since it was sort of "whole family gathering with couple of close friends" kind of birthday, her mother when she saw, that I had not eaten anything, said that it is extremely disrespectful towards her not to eat anything, when she spent so many time in the kitchen and she put some meat salad on the plate and passed it to me

I did not want to ruin the party, so I took it and started to look for potato slices and other vegetables

I kinda ate it

without eating the meat

but I still remember the feeling thinking "but you are one of my best friends, why would you let that happen"

we are still awesome friends

but since that day I had never been to her home anymore:)

it is like some sort of a game
  • feed a person who doesn't eat meat, some meat and then make a comment saying "see, you ate meat without dying, so stop making out some rules and eat like a normal person should eat"
  • make a drink for somebody who does not drink alcohol, add some alcohol in it and then make a comment saying "see, you can drink alcohol without dying, so stop being such a picky bitch and drink alcohol like everybody do"
I have had that way too many times


so I do not take food which is not packed or had not been made in front of me

I do that only from the people I completely trust

it is like a trust test


wanna know how much do I trust you, offer me some opened food

if I take it, I trust you 100%

if I don't, then we are just not that close yet



it is not the usual music I am listening to

but this song decided to crawl into my brain and stay there :)

Angerfist - Temple Of Disease

there is something hypnotic about that song

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

It will be hard to leave

when you are smiling for no apparent reason each time you see pipe nation people


Monday, December 14, 2015

I can ice skate the sh*t out of you

that was my exact thought when after many years we went ice skating

we looked like cows on ice

at the beginning we felt like that as well

but then I kinda got in the mood


one of my friends even agreed to ice dance with me



we had skated for 50 minutes and I did not even feel tired


the one who can't even run 500m without mentally cursing like a sailor:)

sports is not my thing


apparently it does not include ice skating

I wanted to skate more and more and a little bit more:)

my girls told me, that I looked like a skater in my dress


I still refuse to wear pants :)

anyways, we agreed to skate more often

like come on

I have an ice hall on the other side of our bridge :)

10 minutes slow walking:)

but I still had not understand how did a get a scratch

I was skating in my dress and I had tights (not the thermo tights, but regular thin ones)

no jacket, no pants

I got a heavily bleeding scratch behind my knee

I felt like my skin is tearing and when I finally looked at my knee I saw a little bit of blood

I thought maybe it was the result of my fake falling (I did not fall while skating and in the end I decided skating is not skating if you did not fall on ice, so I kinda did it on purpose)

but my tights we not torn

how can I scratch my leg from the inside?:)

I still think I have the skin on my legs so tight, that even a 50 minute skating can harm it

frooooom the inside :)

had problems stopping the blood, when I got home (perks of being diabetic)

and I still have a bruise and a cut there :)

but even with my fragile legs I can ice skate the shit out of you


wanna go ice-skating?

Friday, December 11, 2015

Happy new Biathlon season!!!

It is a family thing

watching biathlon

I was calling my dad to remind him turning on Eurosport channel to watch biathlon, and he answered my call laughing, telling me that he was sending me text message with the same reminder

we love biathlon :)

and what about my favourite Ole Einar Bjoerndalen???

he is 41 years old


won first place in 20 km individual

20 (!!!) km


I still have a chance to become biathlon athlete

if he can win 20km being 41, I can try to win some sprint :)

because why the hell not

I just need to learn how to ski

and to shoot

I need a companion


Happy new  biathlon season!!!

Thursday, December 10, 2015

I should feel bad for posting this picture

but I do not


the cat has the right to do that


Wednesday, December 9, 2015

I've made the decision

I am leaving my job

enough of that slave treating

after holidays I am breaking the contract and hopefully January will be my last month in Finland

I am gonna miss my boys and lovely pipe nation people and my wonderful people of Espoo

but everything has and ending

and if after 1,5 years of working I can only get 16 paid vacation days


I am sorry

go to hell

and I am going back to Estonia

where people may hate me only because I am Russian

and not because I am Estonian Russian


I did not meet the man

I did not get the money

my team is almost completely broken (cutie pie Talaja left as well yesterday)

nothing holds me here

and I am thinking about changing the career path

what should I do next?

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

I was sure rappers discovered this word

if you can call "Ya" a word


I was really surprised when listening to Motörhead I saw the title of the song and it was "Tear Ya Down"

let it sink into you

the song was published in 1979 or maybe even earlier

definitely not a rap song :)


dear rap people

if some metal head, who happened to be a grammar nazi as well, tells you, that you can't use Ya word you can send him/her to Motörhead album Overkill :)

I bet you forgot what day it is today

It is one of the best holidays of the year

The 8th December day


Happy 8th of December!!!

The Eighth December day is terrible calender day

because everything bad can happen

and nobody knows why

holiday day created by my friends and I somewhat 10 years ago

and people actually congratulate me

and I congratulate them


it is always good to have an extra holiday

another reason to celebrate :)

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Things you probably did not know: Zorro

when you see a word Zorro what are you thinking about?

if you are not Hispanic, then most likely you have only one option

this guy:


I remember watching that movie, but I have no memories of what that was about:)


for your information

Zorro is not only the guy with rapier

in spanish language that means....

here is the picture:



my brain is a wasteland

and I add it more every single day:)

I love 9gag

for their racist jokes as well :)


Wednesday, December 2, 2015

The rat, the woman and the team

latest news

our captain left the team

because he got a better offer and could not wait until we resolve our financial issues


I already compared Espoo Blues with sinking ship, so I continue that allegory

Espoo Blues is the sinking ship

who are the first ones to leave the ship?


who among the first ones left Espoo Blues?

Siim Liivik

here you go, Siim

have a new nickname: The Rat

suits your greedy personality much, is not it, The rat?

moving on

who leave the ship next?

Women and children

who left the team next?

our cap Kim Hirschovits


captain is the one, who suppose to leave the ship the last one or to sink with it

but noooo

our former captain wears dresses now and applies make up like a girl

wanna know her (he is she now) new name?

Kimberly Hirschobitch

Dear Kim, thanks for all you did in out team and I hope the new Kimberly who you turned into, will be perfectly fine in Kärpät


I have a perfect friend for you

he earns a lot of money now as well

you all know him

Rick Nash

another CRAPtain, who left the team in the darkest times, you will be the best friends with your perfect team, perfect families and perfect future

only that we will always remember your betrayal

yesterday we played in CHL against Kärpät (Kimberly left THE DAY OF THE GAME)

for the first 10 minutes we were like blind kittens

lost without familiar faces

we end up with the 2:0 win


we played like hungry men

hungry for the win

and we beat the shit out of that Kärpät team

because our team is THE TEAM

rats run away from the ship

women left the team

good repair men joined the team

and even if we are going to lose every single game, the most important one we already won

the day our craptain left

I see how my men want to win

how they want to play

how they reacted to every goal

and I liked what I saw

we are the team

and we lost all the ballast

and we will do everything to rise up

Meet our new captain: Kalle Kaijomaa, young blood

our outstanding goaltender Kaapo Kähkönen (who looks like a killer, because he can kill your shots)

cutie pie of the team Roope Talaja (who for some reasons looked extremely sad last night, but that did not stop him playing good)

and my new favourite player Jari Sailio (aka The Perfect Beard, aka The Happy Man (he can easily kill with his smile)) who played like a god yesterday








Dear Espoo Blues

We believe in you

and we support you!

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Happy New Winter!!!

it is the right time for those two songs:

and my favourite :)

let it snow, let it snow, leeeet it snoooow

Happy New Winter, my dearest friends!