Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Sad songs must be banned

Adele wrote new album

and published the first single


I used to like that kind of songs

thought that they help

but the longer I live the more I think they artificially elongate the length of natural grieving

you see, when you break up with somebody you are that extremely sad and empty and betrayed

you need time for healing

and time always helps

but when you are in that situation and you are listening to some sad song hoping it will help you, you actually just taking your sadness to the whole new level

you listen to those songs and you stay in that exact state of mind

you are not healing

you are torturing yourself and most likely until the end of time when you will hear the song that in your brain you linked with some break up, you will reliving the same sad emotions

all over again


I have one for myself

when I was young and not so smart and was in love with someone not even living in Estonia :)


I was not that good in English when I chose my suffering song :)

good song, but everytime I hear it, I instantly remember that boy

never ending story

and girls tend to do that

grieve the dead love

Adele is not helping

like every other sad song writer

they make you suffer for much longer

leaving you with non dying memories that you linked to the song

if you are sad don't listen to those kind of songs

they will poison your life and make you even more sad

there are a lot of happy songs about break ups

my favourites are Michael Buble for cheating bastards and Simple Plan for "it just happened so"

find something good in something bad

Adele kind of songs won't help you with that

Monday, October 26, 2015


oh that wonderful time

when you can look like gay, but still be called "hard rock"

just look at one of their covers:

one word: faaaaaaabulous


the hair

the make up

the looks

like, come on

hard rock looked too soft

but they are a great band though


but it is hard to imagine how much time do they spend in front of the mirror


aaaaaand they tend to end songs using fade out

which is an easiest way to end the song

let's pretend the song has no end:)

not cool, not cool

but then again, if you spend so much time in front of mirror you don't have enough time to end songs appropriately

I'm just jealous of their hair

that's all:)

Weird metro ride

I like metro

I like weird people I meet there

but yesterday was kinda shocking evening metro trip

first of all there was an 50-something not black, not white, but that in-between Arab or somebody like him, you know, with the skin colour that make you wanna wash his face saying: your face is dirty

I am living next to the last metro stop

so I was enjoying going through 9gag on my phone

after a while I felt a heavy look

and it was that arab

staring at me

I gave him my furious look while rolling my eyes and kinda forgot about him


when he stood up to leave the train his pants were wet

in that specific place

I would like to think, that he pissed himself, but the dry empty seat under his butt tells me I am wrong


you know


I somehow thought that you need a little help from your hand to do that

or any kind of physical touch

but apparently I was wrong


but that's okaaaaaaaaay


not okay was the next person I saw in the same train

I am still not sure if he was a person

you see

yesterday I was watching my favourite Russian TV show "Battle of  the psychics" and in that episode there was a story about my most favourite thing in the world: Yeti!


I did my best and watched it until the end

the story was about a female yeti who was raped by men and had a son after that

half yeti, half man

they showed the pictures of that female yeti in the dress and her son

I looked at that picture

rookie mistake

scared the shit out of me, but he looked just like a little bit too hairy person (with head bigger than we have)

so imagine my surprise when in the train I saw the man who looked almost identical to that half yeti from the show

I almost dropped my phones and damn I wanted to run from that

my heart was beating way too fast :)

here is my drawing masterpiece that I drew in Skype:


if he took metro and he was leaving the train on the last metro stop, then he is probably leaving next to me

when I finally left that train I was in shock and that dirty man did not seem like the worst person in the world

at least he was human

and I seriously doubt that yeti man was a man

today at morning I saw two more similar men who were not so yeti like, but still looked kinda doubtful

I never saw them before

and I think maybe they are "refugees"

but they scare the shit out of me

because they look like half-yeti people



Wednesday, October 21, 2015

My food confession

I should probably feel bad

but I do not

I love eating baby food

not long time ago I was in the shop looking for another hand cream and happened to end up in children section

with pampers, baby stuff and baby food and baby cosmetics

I decided that manufactures are not so evil to poison babies and maybe their hand creams are better

so I bought one

and it is gooooooooooooooooooooooooood


then I started thinking maybe their food is also as good

I tried a lot of purees, but did not really liked them

except for one

I eat it every day

it is like perfect food for lazy ass people :)

it consists ONLY of apples

not even water added

you just open it and suck it out without even needing to use plate and knife

and it tastes deliiiiiiicious

I have the world of purees in glass jars ahead of me next:)

but for now I eat that apple puree and different cereals and other dry food

yesterday was carrot rings time :)

looooooooooooooved it

and baby food package is so small that it is perfectly enough for one time and there is no need to keep opened packs

so yeah

I eat baby food on daily basis

and I love it


Tuesday, October 20, 2015

I love Rise Against

I really really really do:)

went to their concert

was the happiest person on planet earth

was confused by Finnish people


that's Rise Against, and you are buying a seat ticket

the one with, you know, seat:)

how can you listen to Rise Against live while sitting I absolutely do not understand

but a looooooooot of people were sitting and even when Tim offered them to go to us they still were sitting

that's a mystery for me, to go to see your favorite band and sit all the time

with the same success you can turn on HD concert on DVD and with good sound system you will have the same experience


why not to jump, why not to scream, why not to sing, why the hell not to be a part of moshing once in a while

I have glasses, and it is not safe, but I did it twice last time:)

or should I write: EVEN I did it:)

therefore I sincerely don't understand why would you buy a seating place

what I did not like, were the metalheads









foooor real, while we were jumping they were motionless and it was hard not to beat them with my body parts

and I did

and I am not sorry even for a bit


Rise Against were greeeeeat

and problem with the hand did not stop Tim playing once song by himself:)

great sound

great songs (except for two: help is on the way and I don't wanna be here anymore, like coooome oooooooooon, how many shows do you have to have to notice, that people don't really react well to those songs)

when I got home on the last metro train I felt asleep in the dress without being able to change it

woke up at 3AM thinking I NEED TO EAT NOW!!!


my built-in glucose level testing system works perfectly fine for now:)

next morning I did not have a voice, but felt perfectly fine

the day after it I was barely walking, because my body ached so baaaaaaaaaaaaad for that intensive jumping:)

but it was worth it

and here is a simple test of how to understand was the concert good or not: lick your arm after show, if it is salted, everything went good:)

thank you, Rise Against for a wonderful evening!


one day I hope to hear this song live:

and thank you for remembering Dancing for rain that night :)

Monday, October 19, 2015

Finnish people will be perfectly fine in hell

if it is Crowley's hell


Finnish people stand a looooooooooooooot in lines

and by saying a looooooooooooot

I really mean it

went to Rise against

waited in the line to enter the arena

just to ENTER

and I came after all of the warm up bands were almost finished (so the main crowd was already there)

waited for 10-15 minutes


long line

then I waited for another 15-20 to give away my jacket and pay for it

I find it impossibly stupid to wait in line, when you want to buy a service

I bought a ticket, why would I want to spend my time waiting in line

is not it more logical to open all the doors at once and make couple more temporary wardrobes?

but nooooooooooo

Finnish people love standing in lines:)

I remember going to Metallica in Estonia many years ago and there were 75 000 people

I had not waited for more than couple of minutes

because with the right organization skills you will not have those waiting lines

but since all of Finns were perfectly fine with than

I guess they should not be afraid of Crowley's hell


Friday, October 16, 2015

Looks matter

a looooot

yesterday I was in the bus, when I saw a bug on a window

I was already franticly moving away from the window when I saw that it was a ladybug

and I thought

ooooh, that is a cute bug

now if you remove the red color, the fancy dots and lovely white spots you will have yet another creepy brown or black bug

and you will feel disgusted

but since it looks so nice you don't take it as a bug and you don't feel the need to move away

because it looks so gooood

therefore when somebody tells me "oh, looks don't matter, it is your personality that counts" I feel confused

the little brown bug may be the best bug in the world, but how would you know about that, if you instantly run away from it?

and ladybug may be the biggest bitch in the world, but you will give her a chance, based purely on her beauty

looks matter

not as much as your personality

but they matter

Rise Against

for those of you who happen to forgot the song

for a billionth time

just to annoy you


today they are performing in Helsinki




I am not in a mood to go

there is zero excitement in me today

it is a bad day

started bad

continuing bad

and most likely will end bad as well

I am surely will go

but I think I am gonna skip the warmer bands

because I don't really like them

but well

we will see

and we will jump

a loooooooooooooot

bad mood day can't change that


Thursday, October 15, 2015

Dear Columbus Blue Jackets

what the hell


I had not seen any game yet, but is it possible, that you decided to be like Espoo Blues (who lost again as well) and not win a game unless I watch it?

coooome ooooooon

four games played

0 wins



BOOOOOOBROOOOVSKYYYYYY!!!! what the hell is going on with you???

I heard the rumours, that he was thinking about going back to Russia, because his wife wants to go back

you know what

I am sure now, that every problem with athletes are because of their wives

some of them lie about domestic violence (you know who)

some of them force his man to change teams or even countries (are you one of them, Bob's wife???)

and I know it was not only his fault, because with the defensemen who defence nothing and forwards who forward nothing, but the lost hope we can't really win anything

at least our coach is trying to find new solutions

but should you not do that in the pre-season?

my team is falling apart

so get your shit together

and win that damned Stanley

we are the fifth line

and we are going to help you

but you need to help us too

stop being to emotional and lets play the game like we do

with confidence and style and respect

we believe in you

and lets forget those 4 games

Jana is back with you now

it is time to play good hockey


the one we played before

Bobrovsky, we believe in you and don't close your mind and torture yourself with self doubt

You are an outstanding goaltender and we know you will find your game eventually

Dear Columbus Blue Jackets, We Will Win Stanley Cup this season

without any doubts

For those about to rock





Weather forecasts and hair

they spend so much money on forecasts

or app developments

I have two weather apps on my phone and both of them told me yesterday, that today air will be dry

when I read that I usually straighten my hair, because I know it will stay straight


apparently you can hire my hair to be your forecast specialist

because I was surprised how hard was it this morning to straighten them

it instantly go back being wavy

I checked the weather apps again

same dry weather

looked out of the window, felt like a normal morning


my hair started curling before I even got to work and then the weather changed and there was fog


my hair knew the humidity will be high long before the weather apps :)

I have built in humidity sensor

my hair:)

wanna know humidity in Helsinki, don't trust apps, call me and my hair will give you an answer

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

I like my dresses tight and short

I am in Heidi Klum team :)

my dresses now a little bit too short and a little bit too tight

but I suddenly found that I actually have very nice legs:)


I somehow always shared that old opinion: if she wears dress that is too short then she is definitely some whore


you can probably call me a whore now:)

because all of my dresses are short now

and I do get those judgemental looks from women

and I am okay with that

because if I like to wear those dresses

I will do that no matter what you think:)

I had wasted way too much time thinking about what other people think about me and how they see me

and that led me to low self-esteem and miserable life

my life is still miserable

but my self-esteem is no longer near being low:)

I, personally, do not think a dress can be too short

like my mother says "if it covers your butt, it is not too short"


my family is the best!

Irrational fears

I am a big fan of psychic shows

those ones, where those psychic people feel the other world, see the past, predict the future

I am watching the Russian show Battle of the psychics and every episode they show pictures of dead people

and eeeevery single time I prefer not to look at those pictures


I have absolutely no idea why

I do not believe in ghosts (I still think every "ghost" is a vision of other Multiverse person)

I do not believe that somebody can curse someone to death

or bring love and something like that

I do not believe in it

but eeeeevery siiiiiiingle tiiiiiiime they read some "incantation" I put one of the headphones off not to hear that spell completely

eeeeevery siiiiiingle time they show some "cursed painting" I never look at it longer than a second

I do not watch "cursed videos" and other things

I never look at photos from the crime scene

and I have no idea why

I don't

It does not make any sense since I do not believe in those things

that kind of fear is purely irrational

and still I do that


I am afraid of non existent things rather that real things

that is my problem

I find fear in things I can't see just to have something to be scared of

not a logical thing, if you ask me:)

just like with my fear of yetis

oh yes

I still have that:)

here is a picture of "yeti"

I never really looked precisely at it

not gonna do that tonight as well:)

my eyes run through the picture and rest on the safe right down corner:)

for no apparent reason

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Old souls

not my typical pick

but I love it:)

I am sorry

it bothers me that so many people know about this place

I can't write what I really think, because it may hurt their feelings

I can't post pictures I want to post, because it may hurt their feelings

does the fact that I am breathing hurt your feelings too?

how about you leaving and me staying in my silent harbour with my uncensored thoughts

I want to go back to when I could had written any crap I wanted about any person I knew (with no real names used)

now this place is like Finland trying to look good, while desperately not wanting any refugees

I am trying to keep this place censored for my friends, while desperately not wanting to do that

so I have a suggestion

how about you leaving this place?

because I will be writing the shit I want

and I can promise you, my thoughts will hurt your feelings and I will lose some of my friends

because, like I already mentioned, people do not want to hear anything bad about themselves and it does not matter if I think, that they are good, if I don't like some part of their personalities it automatically assumed, that I do not like that person

I like all of you

I just don't like some of your actions


this is a polite warning

if you are not capable of reading something that may hurt your feelings, you should forget this place

because I am tired of playing the good girl


Monday, October 12, 2015


are practically finished with filming

and soon we will see it

not a movie

but a short series (6 episodes)

I am not sure about the trailer

it feels a little bit forced

Gillian Anderson is getting hotter with years, while David looks too tired and kinda used :)

30 seconds

For thirty seconds

thirty endless seconds

according to annotation on the bottle for such period of time you should use Listerine

now the question is: HOW WOULD YOU DO THAT???

my record is 15 and I was almost crying

that thing just burns out everything in your mouth

and for another 15 seconds I was running in the bathroom with my mouth open trying to get some cold air in


do people actually do those 30 seconds?

try and let me know

thiiiiiirty seeeeeeeecoooooonds

Thursday, October 8, 2015


sometimes you just need a song for jumping


Wednesday, October 7, 2015

The Hundred Code

I love Scandinavian criminal series mainly because you never know how it will end

it is not like in USA, when almost everything is with happy ending


eeeeeeveryone can die at aaaaaaany moment

started watching The Hundred Code

still don't know how it will end

and who will die

besides those ones who are already dead

and who the hell is standing behind all of that???

and yes

Dominic Monaghan is back:)

the theme song is Seinabo Sey - Hard Time

Who is the happiest person on Earth today?


the temperature today was below zero and everything was covered in beautiful ice crystals

not yet snow

but something almost as exciting :)

the winter is coming



Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Daniel F. Gerhartz

some drawings get stuck in my brain

but I can't get rid off the feeling, that I am no longer sure are those drawings real paint drawings or some sort of Photoshop creatures

I hope they are real


7 mistakes

out of 16



just maaaaaaaaaybe

Chinese is too hard for me

it was the simplest tasks: choose the right length of syllable


there were 4 syllables and 4 ways of pronouncing them

you know

should not be thaaaaat hard

I listened to the syllables three times and was sure I got it right


the answers in the book proved me wrong:)

but I will continue trying to learn some basic Chinese

Monday, October 5, 2015

How do you start planning?

I have troubles focusing on one thing

my pile of books proves that I can not even read only one book

so when I try to figure out what I should do next

I always end up with thousands of possibilities and no certain one to chose it

they all look good

but I can't take them all

how do I eliminate the others and chose only one?

not necessarily the right one (we all make mistakes)

but only one?

how do you plan everything?

when you have so many different paths to create

I need help with that

Are white people...dead?

I am reading again the books I had read when I was a kid

I do not remember them almost at all

just the main idea of the book

this week my book is Jules Verne "Captain Grant's Children"

found one interesting thought: some Australian aborigines thought, that white people are black people risen from the dead

well, that...kinda,,,makes sense:)

are white people just dead black people?

of course not, but I never thought that we look weird for black people

maybe it is hard to accept  for them, that we don't have color in our skin:)

if to take it to the whole next level, maybe white people are civilized zombies, who managed to reproduce themselves

because why the hell not :)

it is generally believed, that our ancestors were from Africa and had typical African people features and white people developed mutating from generation to generation until we become as pinky white as we are

but if we are already mutants

why can't we be civilized zombies at the same time?:))

maybe the first of us were, indeed, risen from the dead


maybe deep down black people still don't feel comfortable with white people, because we are dead for them

maybe I am legend had some truth in it

only that we were capable of being normal like-human beings

you can think what you want

but this week I believe I am zombie


oh, and if you are afraid of dead people

just don't come here


I laughed louder than I would like to admit

and I am still laughing



click on the picture if it is not playing

that is, indeed, unexpected :)

Friday, October 2, 2015

This world is a negative space

as for now

everything annoys me

because I am not certain of what I want from life

I destroyed my previous goals, but had not been able to build the new ones

and this uncertainty kills me

I can not even decide should I stay in Finland or should I go back to Estonia now

and I don't understand how that happened

was it because I so easily dropped my dreams

was it because I lost any hope in people

was it because I understood there is no love and with the right amount of time and attention you can pretty much fall in love with anybody

was it because I don't even try anymore?

I do not know

but I took the wrong path

and I need to build the new one

as soon as possible

Thursday, October 1, 2015

If you are watching Russian TV shows

then you had probably heard about new "Infidelity" series

if you had watched at least one episode, then you are most likely looking for one certain song

here it is


you are welcome

catchy song


if we can send it to Mars:

and make it function there

why the hell we still have cars, that use fuel and transmissions?


cars became much safer, but they are still pretty much the same as they were 30 years ago

that is a big mystery for me

nevertheless, good luck, NASA, with InSight mission!