Monday, August 31, 2015


I am not a big fan of this kind of music, but this song somehow got stuck in my head

Pave Paradise - Forgotten

can't watch the video, because everytime I see the singer I just want to stuff his stomach with potato and bread

skinny boys will always be boys

and at some point of time you need to become a man

but how can you become a man, if you are so skinny and all I can think about is: can you even hold a hammer in your hand without dropping it???

I seriously doubt it

well, now I will get plenty of emails saying that I am a bad person and not every man need to be big and so on and so on


my ultimate "being a man" test includes one question: can you build a house for us?

not like hiring people to build it

and maybe not even the fact itself, that you build it

but can you build it?

can you hammer a nail?

paint the walls?


looking at those skinny arms and skinny legs I may assume he is not familiar with hard physical work

but well

the song is still great:)

and some girls are looking for the skinny boys to stay teens forever


I don't have a heart

so I bought one


people tell me way too often, that I don't have a heart

I decided to buy one, to show it everytime somebody will tell me once again that I don't have a heart

I bought a necklace with rose quartz in a shape of heart

and it keeps getting broken


my body rejects even the idea of having a heart

I changed the lock

I changed the mount

but at least once a week I find it in my bra or on the floor

but I always find it

that should be a good sign, is not it?


I just need somebody who will fix it, because apparently I can't do it myself

Espoo should pay for my face lifting surgery

because each time I am in Espoo I am smiling non stop

and that causes wrinkles

I am already having those "smiling" wrinkles

should botox the hell out of it

but it is useless

because I will always smile :)

last Saturday we had pre season game, part of some mystery tournament called The Champions Hockey League

but every game is good enough when it is hockey game:)

we had our A team, so I went to the game

and we wooooooooooooooooooooooooooon


could had been 5:2, but one was "no goal" goal

we have serious changes in our team

completely new goalkeeper line

both Laurikainen and Nieminen went away and now we have swede Engstrand

well you should be outstanding goalie if you want the world to remember your complicated surname (ask Bobrovsky :))

I am not sure how I feel about Christian, because to my big surprise we kinda rock the ice now and most of the time we were on the opponent team side of the ice trying to score

both pucks that we had were kinda messy, so I did not understand was that the lack of skills of our goalie, or just bad luck

I am betting on bad luck, because when we played 3 on 5, the french guys had not score

O'Connor, Giliati, Kearns are no longer Blues men (did they chose whom to transfer based on the foreign name?:)

to my surprise Aaltonen is no longer our man too

as for the goaltenders I kinda understand why they traded both of them, because they were both equally outstanding on their best days and equally horrific on their bad days, so instead of switching them all the time the coaches probably decided to get the new one, to blame him if we will loose :)

since it was CHL game, my favorite sector 410 was not available, so I took 210 and to my surprise I was sitting right behind the players bench :)


I feel like I know them all now :)

I was the only person sitting behind the glass :)))


got plenty of looks and winks :)

that was cute:)

anyways, felt like I was with them, I saw the coaches drawing schemes, medic helping players, water boy (I'm pretty sure he is not water boy, but rather some junior coach or smth like that) arranging water (and he is hoooot)

my favourite Roope Talaja is apparently one of the shortest ones there:) that was easily noticeable in comparison to other backs lined on the bench, but I still think he is the hottest one in the team:)

loved that evening

gonna have my own hockey team someday :)

was smiling all the way back home

and every time somebody entered the bus I was thinking: Hello, wonderful people of Espoo!!!


for some strange reason Espoo people are super hot

both male and female

maybe because they don't live in the wasteland called Helsinki


I love Espoo

and I am counting the days for the new hockey season (that would be 11 days from today)

sometimes I think the only reason why I am still in Finland is hockey

and I am pretty sure it is so


sing along, my beautiful people of Espoo

Thursday, August 27, 2015

We bare bears

like I said before

I am not ashamed of the things I really like


and I like We bare bears

look at that always positive Grizzly :)

Bears win!!!

Ice bear is the weirdest :)

he is like Finnish man, does not talk much :)


and yes

Ice Bear for President!


I am complaining a loooooooooot lately

seeing problems everywhere

but it suddenly hit me


if I see so many problems, then why not to solve them one by one while earning money at the same time

I have to get something good of something bad


that is my new plan!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Do they all run out of money?

first they make good music

they they have all those "I'm too cool to be in this band now" talks

somebody leaves the band

somebody joins it

then they produce average album

go on the tour

and after it announce they are no longer a band

then they run out money

and decide to try one more time

because that first guy who left the band had not become as popular as he was in a band

great reunion

fans are happy

songs are okay

Boysetsfire, I am talking about you this time :)

old one:

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove this song for a long time now:)

here is the new one:

maybe it is good, that old bands reunite

less electro crap music:)


not all electro crap music is crap

if the song have a good base, then electro crap remix can make it even better

I still listen to this song almost every day:

love it, love it, looooooooooooove it

My new favourite movie

for sleeping

it is perfect to watch, when you need to fall asleep fast

Dead Rising: Watchtower

the movie is not thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat bad, I liked that guy in the TV studio:)

the story is not thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat bad, but it is, indeed, bad

the acting is bad, but tolerably bad

the length of the movie is almost 2 hours

I was watching it for two days

I felt asleep after about 15min of watching each time

should I mention, that I was sitting on the chair, when I was watching it?

it is like my personal sleeping pill :)

I guess the sounds of zombies eating flesh makes me feel relaxed :)

or on the contrary: Zombie is eating!!! System is down!!! Shut down the brain!!! Hibernation!!!


it is good, when movie brings emotions out of you, is not it?

even if it is more like "falling asleep" emotion:)

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Smiling like an idiot

seeing someone you want to see


Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you


I am stripping your soul

I have a new hobby now

I am taking your soul and strip it from the armour it has to see what is inside

and for the last couple of days my face expression looks like that:

suddenly the bad people are not bad, and the good people are actually not thaaaat good

we are like decorated christmas trees

some of us seem like good people, because we had chosen the beautiful decorations

some of us seem like bad people, because for some reason we decided to chose the ugly decorations

but when you take all of your decorations off and see the tree under them


that tree may surprise you

I am over analysing people now

taking off their decorations (which mainly based on the words you say and the everyday actions you make)

taking off the bad ones are harder

but when you do that, you see, that in bigger picture that bad things that had been done to you, were actually good for you

and that good what had been done for you, was actually bad things masked under the good ones

and you just sit there and don't understand what the hell did just happened

good looking christmas tree we are

hiding the bad tree trunks

who the hell are you, people???

If you are a girl, you need to read this book

accidentally found this book: Greg Behrendt - He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

I read a lot of books at the same time and sometimes I choose what to read only based on title of the book

that's how I found that book


you know from the endless posts here about how miserable my love life is

at first I was looking on my failures from my point of view

then from guy's point of view

but never from the outside

and when you look at it like that, you will see how endlessly pointless your relationships were

I always found thousand excuses for every action every man I like did

did not call: was busy

did not ask out: was out of town

said something bad about me: he had a rough work day

and so on

and so on

everything seemed so logical

but the sad truth was: he is just not that into you

when I read that book 50% of that was the same things I had in my life (another 50% could had been, if I had actually slept with a man on my free will)

and the same explanations girls used to describe boys behaviour I had

and then I read the sarcastic answers from Greg and it hit me

he is 100% right

I would not write everything he said and explained, but here are some quotes and girls, if you have the same problem like I have, choosing the wrong men, that book can actually help you a lot

everything is soooooooooooooooooooooooo simple

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo simple

he is just not that into you

answer for everything

don't waste your precious time like I did

oh, and forget about "he is too shy to talk to me first, so I will make a first move and the second one and the third one until he will not be so shy anymore"


he is just not that into you

not calling you when he said he will

no, honey, he does not have a super important meeting at 8 PM when he works in a grocery store

he is just not that into you

“Here's something else to think about: calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house baby, and it's cold outside.”

been there, done that, never again

Don't spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you

You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve.

“Because here’s what guys don’t do if they can’t live without you: They don’t break up with you.”

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with

I did that aaaaaaall the tiiiiiiime:

But what I can do is paint you a picture of what you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored.

You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. I definitely don't ever want to feel like that:)

guys are simple

don't look for excuses

they are not busy, shy, afraid of the future

they are just not that into you

I am now closing my stories with no endings

waste of time


I am too good for feeling so bad

girls, read the book, you will not regret it

life is simple:)

Feeling like a giant

sometimes I tower over people like a giant

but I am somehow taller than most of the girls here


I am only 1.67m

still most of the times when I stand in metro I see my reflection in the door, because women standing in front of me are so much shorter

that is hard for me to accept

in Estonia I am the shortest among my friends

if you are into short women with big boobies then Finland is definitely your country :)

or to be exact - Southern part of Finland, because I don't know, maybe on North they are much taller

the women here are super pretty, even though I know that for Slavic people they does not look attractive

some genetic stuff, I guess

I do find them attractive

but it makes me uncomfortable feeling so tall here, when I'm actually short


Monday, August 24, 2015

You create problems where there are none

I am not working for Finnish government

I am definitely not working for police (even though I want to)

I am not a secret agent

I am a construction surveyor

nothing top secret

now here is the question

why do I need a high standard photo for my work id card???

I understand that I need to take my glasses off when I take a picture

I understand, that my long fringe should be put away from my face

I did it for both my Estonian driver license and my Estonian ID card and passport

yesterday I got a letter saying that my photo is not valid, because of some criteria number 13 (or something like that)

apparently it states, that all of my hair should be gathered up, so that not a single hair would be on my face





and that was one of the endless requirements apparently that our company have for "the right work id photo"

are they like, insane?

I do not even want to start to debate about, okay, I will look like an alien on my photo, so that you will fill all the needed requirements, but then all of the boys should shave off any facial hair that they have, no matter how short the moustaches are, because they have that one cm of their faces not open

sounds hypocritical?

but it is exactly how things are done in Finland

they create problems

they need to standardize every single little thing and then make sure that every single requirement is filled

they have instructions for everything



maybe they don't think wasting time, paper and money on that nonsense is not okay

but for me it is

they need special card for working on construction site (a whole day you will waste listening about why you should not jump from the roofs and so on)

they need special card for working on railway (in addition to that day, that you wasted before, you need to waste another one to basically know bunch of information you will never use and the main point of the course is: do not jump in front of moving train)

every card costs around 100eur

maybe more

it is like if Finnish government thinks that Finnish people are extremely stupid


apparently, there is no such thing as common sense here

everything must be on paper

if I were Finn, that kind of behaviour from my own government would be disrespectful for me

one of the laws says that there can be no advertisement of alcohol drinks on streets, vehicles (even the ones that carry the beer), no mention of alcohol in the name of the bar (?????????????????????????which basically means if I want to name my OWN bar something like Lapin Kulta Bar (that's the name of local beer) I can't do that, and they don't give a shit, that it is my own bar, my own property and my name (if I bought the right to use that name from the mother company)


because it may affect kids


that's why :)

they think that seeing advertisements make kids wanna go buy a drink

they think, that kids are so stupid, that if they remove the advertisements kids would instantly forget about beer

I sincerely do not understand it

it is like if you cure headaches with a pill of painkiller

that would help

to remove the symptoms

but not to solve the real problem

the problem why your head aches so bad

kids see, that their parents drink in the family

kids see, that they can buy drinks, because the people working in stores don't give a shit about to whom they sell that beer

but you don't solve those problems


you just create laws, that are absolutely nonsense and then create some ton shit of rules and requirements for every single thing

which eliminates any need for thinking by yourself

I noticed that a lot of problems here are caused by the fact, that Finns are so got used to living under strict rules, that when some unforeseen situation happens they do not know how to solve it and they just panic

if I were Finnish man I would drink almost every night just to feel free

free of those rules, laws, requirements, expectations

the government takes the half of your freedom

the feminists take the quarter of your freedom (gender neutrality crap...GENDER NEUTRALITY!!!! which basically states you should be ashamed that you are a man and you should be ashamed that you are a woman and the only gender is neutral, faceless person with no gender signs, because that is sooooooooo riiiiiiiiight)

the work takes another ten percent of your freedom (don't forget to shave your beard)

which leaves you with 15% for your personal use

out of your own 100%

because the laws, the rules, the requirements say so

and you give it away

because by the time you finish school and graduate from college or university, you already know, that there is no point in fighting

dear Finnish men

I feel sorry for you

and I understand why you drink

but soon you will wake up in prison, surrounded by immigrants, because your government decided yesterday that because your white skin scares the shit out of immigrants and you did not participate in getting a special card for "How to hide your ugly fair skin and eyes, so that the lovely people of Southern countries would feel like home" they will send you to prison

because they can since yesterday

obviously I am exaggerating, but you got my point

if you let your government to dictate you the name of your own property


tomorrow they will take that property away

you are not stupid, even though your government treats you like if you are stupid

is not it the right time to wake up and do something?

Is not it?

just to make it clear, I do not drink alcohol

and growing up being a kid surrounded by alcohol advertisements I did not start drinking

kids are not that stupid

people are not that stupid

don't try to make them feel like that

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Found each other second time in a year

remember I told you about my Skype account disaster?

I lost the contact and to those ones I had been able to restore, I needed to send requests again

one of my friends had not answered

but I thought, that, well, she had been married for couple of weeks, she is definitely having much more interesting things to do

we were best friends when we were kids and then like it always happens lost contact with each other

she had found me in Skype this year to invite me to her wedding and it felt like we had always been friends :)

so I was not worried about her not adding me again until yesterday my friend told me, that she had been writing me all the time and I had never respond to her

well that was awkward

she thought I was mad on her, because on her wedding almost all of the food was meat and I was mad, that I had not had anything to eat

like cooome oooon

who could have been mad at that?:)

they knew, that I don't drink alcohol and there is Cola Light in my blood, so they specially bought me couple of cola bottles and kept it separate so that nobody would had taken them

like, hooooooow sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet is thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?:)

yesterday I send a request again and this time she noticed it and added me again

and we promised not to get lost again :)

I have the best friends ever!

4 closest friends

that is enough:)

as for the people with whom I suddenly stopped talking


if before my disappearance you had not had my big emotional explosion letter, well, that means I either have some technical difficulties with my phone or computer or I am dead

leaving without explanation is for the coward people only

and we aaaaaall know than I am not coward (unless there is yeti, insects or clown in the room, then I will be screaming and running away) and that I am immortal and never gonna die


I am glad, that I have you in my life!

You are all the best!

And all you wanted

was somebody who caaaaaaaaares

heard that old song on the radio

apparently I still love it

Michelle Branch - All You Wanted

such a lovely song

and all you wanted was somebody who caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaareeeeeeeeeeees



Boiling machine

I should probably take a sick leave

I feel good when I wake up

I feel like a boiling machine when I come to sleep

I need to make it clear to myself, am I ill or am I not


Mr. Robot

this show is slow

reeeally reeeally sloooooow

happens almost nothing

and everything at the same time

prison break - check

body in the car - check

hacked almost everything - check

M. Night Shyamalan kind of sick plot twist in the episode 8 - check, check, CHECK!!!

I like shows, when people talk a lot about their inner worlds

Mr. Robot is like that

analysing people and yourself all the time

but just when you got tired in the episode 7, thinking, well now there will be nothing new, here you go, episode 8

jaw dropping moment

liiike waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

I highly recommend you watching this show, it may look slow, but when you cut each episode into parts you will see, that a lot of things happened in each episode, that you thought was boring and slow

and Rami Malek deserves an award for his acting

I love Mr Robot and you should watch it!

waiting for episode 9

Monday, August 17, 2015

Black Horse And The Cherry Tree

I love songs with weird titles


especially when the song is amazing

KT Tunstall - Black Horse And The Cherry Tree

Put on the crown and rule!

my friends know me well :)

I complain a lot lately and when I complained about the weird feeling that I have now, that it feels like if I had lost my awesome job and now I am back to doing boring stuff and working with my previous partner is kinda weird now, since I had done the same job he did for years and did it pretty well, and now I'm some sort of sidekick again

she wrote me:

Put on the crown and rule!

and those were the exact right words I needed to hear (or in our case, read)

in Russian it sounds much more powerful, because in Russian language you can use almost archaic words to add the right message to the sentence

and since I had put my imaginary crown back to my head, I am pretty sure now, that everything will be perfectly fine


Inability to come back

when I am not too lazy to walk, I take a somewhat 10min walk to the building I live in (not my home, still not my home)

there are multiply ways you can reach my building

the shortest one is a straight road, one left turn, short straight walk, cross the road and another left turn

but when you take that road you end up in need to walk somewhat 10m back to reach the building

super short way

but I almost never take it, because of those damned 10m

I understand that it is the shortest way, but I refuse to accept the fact, that I need to walk those 10m twice

it is like why do I need to walk those extra 10m (well, d'oh, because the crossroad is there and I still can't walk through the buildings to go straight to my building) and then walk the same 10m back to come to the entrance

it is the shortest way

but most of the times (95%) I take the longer one

going straight, turn left, going straight, turn right, going straight, cross the road, turn right, go straight, turn left

it is obviously longer, but I take it, because I end up coming to entrance from the right side without the need to return

always moving forward

that's the way I chose my paths

even though it looks illogical

and it is

but I had asked couple of friends, do they do that

and to my surprise they do

all of them would prefer to take slightly longer way to reach the building rather than the shorter way, but with the necessity to come back a bit

I asked only girls, but will the boys chose the shortest or the "always moving forward, without returning back" way?

I made a wrong choice today

and now I have to live with it for at least half a year






nothing serious

just a soap

literally, a soap



it is important

I had three soaps to choose from
my favourite smells: Lily of the valley (surprise, surprise) and violet lilac

ant the third one, because I thought maybe I should stop using lily of the valley and lilac so much and add some other flowers


my heart told me to take violet lilac

but my stalin brain demanded philosophia soap

and my body does what my brain wants

so I took the big bar

and it loooooooks baaaaaaaaad

it looks like a soap our grandparents used to wash the clothes

ugly light brown soap

not fancy at all

the smell is strong and I guess kinda pleasant

I should test it to decide, is it good enough to keep it ignoring its strong smell and ugly look, or should I put on my lovely lilac soap

the philosophia bar is so big that it will take me probably the whole year to use it (and I use soap at least twice a day, plus endless times of liquid soap use, I should probably stop using soap so much)

it was a wrong choice, and I have to live with that now



Sunday, August 16, 2015


I am not a fan of movies based on comic books

my bad

based on "graphic novels"

but for some reason I'm pretty sure I'm going to watch Deadpool


Hysterical man is back

apparently he got in a fight with his wife


I am afraid of that man

the way he talks to his wife is just too scary

I updated my Russian curse language skills mostly because of his phone talks

and I have my door always closed

aaaaand headphones on my head

imagine how loud he screams, if I still hear everything

and his mother (from whom I am renting my room) does not seem to mind that her son talks so disrespectfully with woman

like I already mentioned, in my family and among my friends that kind of behaviour is unacceptable

and it still scares the shit out of me, that maybe most of the men are like that and my circle of people is just that little society of adequate people

not hysterically screaming people

hysterically screaming men should be reason enough to put that person in rehab

to grow some balls and act like a man, if he failed in doing that himself

another reason why you should create a family only when you are 100% sure and willing to compromise, and not because "but my mother told me it is time to get married and have kids"

want to have a stable family?

marry a person, whose parents we not divorced

that simple it is

Saturday, August 15, 2015

I laughed inappropriately loud

when I saw the video and heard the lyrics:)

but then I got sad

because the lyrics is indeed true

as for the Russian speaking people

here is a picture that makes me laugh

even though it should not

because it does not make any sense whatsoever

but I like it:)

I am ill


but well


the new girl was feeling ill the whole week and I am surprised that it took me so long to catch it from her, because usually one hour next to sick person and I am ill as well

I guess my overly vitaminised  body is getting stronger when it comes to not catching viruses:)

anyways, today I woke up with head ache, running nose and burning alive skin

I am like a torch man today :)

what would be nice in the winter time, but definitely not when it is 25 degrees outside and you don't understand is it you, or is it the sun burns

I need to learn how to paint pictures

then I will draw my self portrait

squirrel in Espoo Blues t-shirt, work pants, with burning fur, holding book in one hand and lipstick in the other


after work I only wear dresses, though

I need to take some painting classes


but first, I need to get well

I am going to miss this time

on Monday Mr Sunshine is going back to work

that means that our girls team will no longer exist, because the new girl will be working with Pure Evil (and they are really good with each other) and I am going back to being the shadow of Mr Sunshine

don't get me wrong

Mr Sunshine is super mega awesome man

but I like being in charge of what I do

I like climbing like squirrel

I like asking a lot of questions

I like drawing pictures

I like that pipe nation people are finally taking me as a qualified person

I like that pipe nation people call me now telling me something or asking when we will be there

it was a lot of fun

a lot of problems

a lot of good memories

a lot of bruises

a lot of compliments and kind words


but now I am most likely will be that person, standing alone on the top of the hole with clean boots

and that is soooo nooooot gooooooood

at least I will be working with Mr Sunshine again

and he is super positive man


and you know what?

since pipe nation people started calling me I am once again confident, that my man is probably Finnish

because all of them have amazing voices

so soft and so tough at the same time

one of them especially

when he calls it takes me couple of seconds not to melt like a snow on a sunny day, but to stay focused :)

Finnish men - tough on the outside, soft in the inside


Thursday, August 13, 2015

I love this girl

Got these paper wings, but they don't hold the air
Get so close to somebody, but I don't stay there
Much less brave than I admit
Much more scared than they all think
But I'm protecting the organ in my chest
'Cause the blood, sweat, and tears they can make quite a mess

Money, money, money

My parents still call me back
my mind still tells me to come back to Estonia

but my heart loves my job despite the fact of small salary

I love my job

it is not for everybody

but I love my job now

and mostly because pipe nation men are so awesome :)

should I stay or should I gooooo?

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Empty construction site

we have a busy week this week

and today we went on the first site and it was still not ready, but at least there were men, to tell us when to come back

then we went to the second place

it was quite a big construction site (the one where you need to wear helmet) and it was empty

there were not a single soul

noooot one

and it was creepy, there will be two (!) new small apartment buildings and there were no construction workers

and we did not come at dinner break

unless the dinner break is now at 9:30

so there we were, standing on that construction site listening to the silence

it was like some horror movie

and at some point I was waiting for yeti to appear

because why the hell not:)

construction tools on the ground

empty cars

empty storage

like if something killed everybody and ate the bodies

I love my job :)

we came back three hours later and there were three men on the whole site

I guess the buildings will not be build any time soon if they work like that

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

I want cowboy boots


I just wanna run

I just wanna run away with yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuu-uu-uu-u

Not all men are brave

unfortunately they are not

you see, I grew up in some sort of not so fancy district (our school still ranks among the worst schools in Estonia and that proves that no matter how shitty the school is, if you want to study you will study, I am the living proof of that, never took extra lessons, graduated from school with silver) and and all the boys from our company were kinda brave (when we were kids) and kinda wild :) tough times:)))

my dad is brave

my grandpa was brave

almost all the men I knew in my childhood were brave (except for that one monster on whose grave I will dance one day)

therefore I still remember the day, when I realized the world is full of cowards

at first I thought he was joking, when I asked him "would you help some woman if you see, that some man attacks her"

he said no

I laughed

he said "I am serious"

and I was shocked

then I started noticing, that the older I get, the more coward men there are around me

sometimes I watch reality shows and see men, who has nothing to do with being brave

and women like them

and I am sitting here wondering "WTF???"

being brave is not about not fearing anything

it is about how you deal with your fears

and I do not understand how the hell did that happen, that nowadays not being brave is perfectly fine

it is like you took the pack of wolves that there was in school and see them degrading into rabbits

and you are standing there thinking, but but but where are the wolves now?

that is not normal for me

if you are a man reading this post, I hope you are brave and not like those rabbit men who are multiplying like, you know, rabbits


If you are a girl living in Finland

I recommend you trying this little piece of relaxation miracle

when you put it on your face the whole world stops

it does not cost much

around 7 eur for the pack of 12

and it is worth every cent

especially since it is so hot outside

you just put it and close your eyes and feel how the light frost slowly covering your face

and you feel relaaaaaaxed

I  used to think, that lying in bed without doing anything is a waste of time, so I took my phone to read something

but when I first tried that mask I did not even bother to hold the phone in my hand, because all I wanted to do was to close my eyes and lay motionless enjoying the effect

therefore, if you are stressed out, that is one good way to relax

just put an alarm clock on, in case you need to do something else, because there is a good chance that you will fall asleep


Monday, August 10, 2015

And that's how you become Linkin Park

I am talking to you, Bring me the horizon

he even has similar to Chester's voice now:)

and that electro crap was used by Joe Hahn yeeeeears ago

I like old Linkin Park


I like that song :)))

Donald Trump

is one hell of an interesting guy


and being the worst person in the world who I am, I have to admit it will be an interesting run to follow

two explanations of Trump story: either he is so fucking rich, that he does not care about anything and wants just to make fun of current political situation in America, or he is so brave, that knowing he will lose millions of votes, he still says, what he thinks (and what plenty of people think too)

I usually do not follow any political voting, but this time I will

only because I want to know how it all ends


Sleep is for the weak ones

and I am weak
please, let me sleeeeeep


being mass murderer who I am, I killed plenty of flies this summer and now I got the bitch slap back from karma

for already a week, I have some huuuuuuge flying insect living in my room

I saw it only twice, but I hear it every night




I obviously tried to find where it hides, but had not succeeded in it and that is another mystery for me, I have some hidden place in my room with possibility of hundredths insects silently multiplying there

it can be everywhere

even though it feels like if I already checked everywhere

I am afraid of insects

to the state of feeling panic attack sometimes

so every time I see the Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii man now, all I can think about is "can I use your room for sleeping while you guard me from insects?"

it is good, that I was in Estonia for two days

twoooooooo happy nights :)

with a build in insect killer (aka my cat, not good in catching, but perfect in eating)

I want to sleep

without waking up in cold, because I heard that bitch flying somewhere

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Burn Halo

good song

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Song of the week

O'Hamsters - Saint Patrick's Day


you heard it right

it is in Russian

Russian Irish Folk

because, why the hell not?


Tuesday, August 4, 2015

My parents want me back to Estonia

as they rightly noted: you will get as much as you get in Finland now, if you take all that expensive rent and public transport off the salary and you have family here

and they are right

I counted

in terms of money I will only win if  I come back to Estonia

my father earns good money, so there was no need to go to Finland to me

besides three important things:
  1. hockey
  2. handsome men
  3. interesting job

in that exact order:)

hockey season starts in a little more than one month and since we "Believe and never give up" we are going to win this season, I would not want to miss that

as for the men


I said it before and I am going to say it again: most handsome men live in Finland

I don't know why, but it is like living in the candy shop, that good they look for me:)

sometimes they just need to cut those long hair off and learn what is a beard trimmer and they will be perfect:)


as I mentioned before, THEY DON'T TALK

unless they are drunk

or married

if a man is not drunk, but he is talking to a woman in full sentences, you can be sure, even without looking at his finger, that he is married:)

I can't stand drunk people, so when some drunkie tries to introduce himself I am just smiling politely, pretending I don't understand him:)

I don't like my job, I love my job

especially now, since I have much more responsibilities

apparently I love being responsible for the things I do:)

but Pure Evil still treats me like another pointless foreigner

he talks to new girl about work stuff

and I no longer give a shit about that

it is my name on the papers and it is my responsibility to measure everything right

even the new girl says: if you think that is good enough, then be so, because it is under your responsibility


I guess she is my secretary when it comes to talking to Pure Evil


what irritates me a lot, is when I don't know how to measure something new, I ask how to do that and get no response


I always have the same joke as an answer: you measure it like you measure everything else



very helpful

it is not like I talk all the time and if I talk, that means I really need to know something

so I get annoyed getting the same stupid joke answer and by the time Pure Evil decides, that it is the right time to finally answer something to me, I am already so pissed off that I barely listen to him

the only thing that works with him is showing pictures, I just take a picture of the object and usually after 12 AM ask him again about the same thing

it is his changing time, after 12 AM he is usually very calm and kinda friendly

I have no idea why

but well

Finnish people eat salmiakki as a candy

they are weird people:)

as for the pipe nation people, most of them accepted me as a nominal leader of the surveyor group

couple of them still refer to the new girl when they need to say something, but that's okay

she is awesome :)

and I am a foreigner:)

not a hard thing to understand:)))

I like my pipe nation people a looooot

they are all so different and if I go, I am gonna miss them a lot

everybody has a nickname in my head

I can't stop giving nicknames:)

The Gentleman, The Ladies Man, The Pirate, The Sad Man, Robin without Batman, The running eyes, The Bitch (he is a very nice man now, but once you become the bitch, you will stay the bitch), Smiling potato, Mirror man, Ghost man and my new favourite for the couple of weeks Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii man

everytime I see him I just want to say Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii and stuck my head into his shoulder like cats bump their heads into the person they like:)

he has some very strong male vibe

and it is not like if I want to date him and marry him, but more like: if the world is going to end I know who can save me from everything

and it is not the things he says, but something in his nature, something that attracts me without understanding what it actually is

and that is why I always wanna say Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii to the Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii man


I love my job

lots of interesting people

but if I get salary, that I can have in Estonia doing the same job, without spending it on expensive living, transport and ship tickets


does not it show the lack of respect from my bosses?

Monday, August 3, 2015

And you are just smiling

for no apparent reason


Sunday, August 2, 2015

I have an addiction

it is called: Lily of the valley

I am obsessed with that smell

I have lily of the valley bathroom air fresheners

I have lily of the valley soap

and couple of days ago I bought Yves Rocher Lily of the Valley Eau de Toilette (pure lily of the valley scent, with almost no side notes)

and now my skin smells like lily of the valley

my hair smells like lily of the valley

all my clothes smell like lily of the valley

my bed smells like lily of the valley

and if you can smell lily of the valley on the street, then most likely I had been there moments ago :)

I love it

I especially like the fact - it is poisonous flower, which looks so delicate and fragile

I find it being close to my own personality


Talking about garbage


Garbage - Why do you love me?

loooooooooooooooooooooooove this song

it is driving me craaaazyyyyyyy

Midnight meetings

I like to clean the room at night

it is my thing

making midnight cleaning :)

yesterday I went to throw the garbage away at 1 AM

and you know whaaaat?

I was not alone :)

there was one middle aged man throwing something away too

I hope he was not some murderer hiding his crime


but it is good to know, that you can meet people in the least expected time and place

kinda sad, that he was not my age

could have been a lovely start of some relationship

heeeey, how did you meet?


at 1AM next to the trash cans