Tuesday, June 30, 2015

The redneck in me

is alive and doing well


in the world of tiny emotional boys, big men singing about simple, but yet important, things are rare

I love country

I do not know where did that love come from

but I do have redneck in me for many years already

and I hope one day I will go to some real country performance


don't die with cuteness overdose:

I will be the villain you can blame

being the advanced metro user who I am now, I started reading in the metro when going back to the place I live (still refuse to call it home)

I tried probably all finnish magazines and from my experience I now can say: Menaiset is perfect home reading magazine, Anna is perfect reading when eating magazine, Cosmopolitan is perfect when you wanna read something about men, Elle is perfect for wondering: why the hell is it called Elle, when Russian and English version of it are much more interesting, Finnish one must be called Elle Light

my pick is Seura

enough serious stuff, enough funny reading, enough beauty, everything is in perfect combination

couple of weeks ago there was an article about people collecting donations

you know, all those "Together we can end world hunger!!!" kind of naive people

and reading that article made me mad

she was telling about people who make the donations and how much people ignore her and so on so on

but then she added "from my experience, I understood, that people who do not make donations are from unhappy families"


say what?

I seriously was thinking about finding that girl (which is not hard, since in the article she described the places she is collecting money in) and facing her asking for explanation

I am trying to keep my explosive Russian blood under the control, but I could not stop thinking about this:

Don Corleone: I understand. You found paradise in America, you had a good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. You didn't need a friend like me. But, now you come to me, and you say: "Don Corleone, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you ask me to do murder for money.

I feel the same way:)

you don't ask with respect



I let it go and decided to use In this moment lyrics: I will be the villain you can blame

I don't give a shit about African people

I don't give a shit about their problems

like I said multiply times before: if you live in poor area with no food and no water but still making babies every year, why should I care about your kid, when you see how hard it is for you to live there and you still bring more kids to that place. You don't give a shit about your own kids, why should I give my money to you?

I'm heartless, I know

but saying that I don't make a donation because my family is unhappy is like saying I like flowers, because crocodile

you get my point

and just to lighten my image of being evil girl I should say that I will not be buying a car this summer, because I gave money that I saved to my mother's friend, because her sister in Russia needed money for some unplanned surgery

I do not know that woman

I am pretty sure I will never meet her

but I would give any money I have if anybody I care about ask me to

because Family comes first

but as for making donations to people who make babies and not work, well

I will be the villain you can blame


The more I do

the less money I get


how about that?


I really need to start looking for a new job more seriously

but hey, my boss said, that he will give me a raise after summer

but as I see it now on my bank account my salary is only getting smaller:) liiiiike


not okay


more responsibilities

less money

I am sure that is not a good combination

is anybody looking for a surveyor?

how is it even possible that I get less money now?

for real

after paying for my room I have less money on my account that I could earn in Estonia now

Dear Estonia, is it you way of bringing me back?


Monday, June 29, 2015

I want to take my skin off

and no

this is not a suicide attempt


it is called : summer

and I hate it

I don't sleep in pyjamas in Helsinki, because I am like a hot oven in the evenings and I produce so much heat, I can burn the whole building:) during the winter I had put my hockey jersey on only twice, because the winter was warm

but since the summer finally came to Finland I got my annual desire to take my skin off back

I can't sleeeeeeeep

and I really want to

but what else can you do, if you sleep with windows open, with no blankets, no pyjamas and still it is too hot to sleep?

that is why I love winter, you can always put on extra clothes when you are cold

but you can't take something off, when everything is already taken off

I guess I am a bear

I will sleep at winter


We are all oh so perfect

if I could write here every single thought that I have about the people I know, I would have exactly zero friends left

and I used to try to explain that if I don't like something about you, that does not mean I don't like you

but I had so many fights about that so I gave up and say and write mostly only nice things about people I know

I failed in explaining that nobody is perfect and I like you with all of your not so perfect qualities

but you prefer to think that you are absolutely perfect

and that's okay I guess

I do not understand why you are ashamed of your imperfections and get so mad when somebody mentions them

my closest friends call me heartless, mean, lazy, evil, overreacting and those who tell me that, are my best friends, because I always think: how awesome am I if even knowing my bad side you still wanna be friends with me :) must be super awesome

and I never get angry for being called who I really am

why should I be mad, when I am, indeed, heartless evil overreacting lazy moody jerk?

I am not ashamed of who I am :)

but if you prefer to live in a perfect world, I can play that game with you, because it is your choice and the game is not that hard

oh so perfect

said the evil me


And they were just standing there

I was at home this weekend and went for a last minute shopping

going to the bus I run into a company of really drunk men

finnish men

one of them wanted to hug me, but I said "thank you, but no"

he still moved closer

I took step back saying "I said, no"

he touched me

I took two steps back

he moved forward and wanted to touch me again

I hit his hand, walked around him and left

and you know what?

there was several men standing close to me and NOT ONE helped me

they did not even say anything to stop that man

they were just watching

some of them were the age of my father and I was thinking: if I were your daughter would you not stop that man?

and believe me, he was so drunk, that you don't really need a lot of physical force to stop him

I am sure now, that the only essential need for my man that I have: being brave, was the right choice

you can take away four B from my perfect 5B man, but the one criteria will always stay: being Brave

I was not even mad at that finnish man, because he was thaaaaaat drunk, but I was super mad at those "men" who were just standing there, watching me (girl, who not that big in size) trying to get rid off that man

there should be third gender for people like that

male, female, notbraveenoughtobenamedmale


Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Copypaster of own work

I laughed too loud when I read that description of Disturbed:)

but they do copy their own work

and now they are back with new single

you know what?

it sounds exactly like dozens of their previous songs

and you know what?

they are the only band who can do that and still have the love and support:)

here is most likely the biggest hit from Disturbed - Stricken

and here is the latest song The Vengeful One

do you hear it?


but we still love them:)

I have legs made of steel

at least it feels like that:)

with all of that up-down-up-down-up-down trips in the pipe paradise and countless stairs everywhere it is impossible to have fat legs:)

but today it feels like if they are made of pure steel, because my skin is so tense, that I'm afraid if I scratch it, the leg will explode

I want to be soft

but my body ignores my preferences and here you go, have steel legs


but hey, at least I found the way to grow some belly: drinking a lot of water

it creates the illusion of fat and it is soooooo soooooooft:)

oh, and we have girl team now:) for the first time in my life I'm working with a girl and we are doing pretty good, only sometimes some men on the construction site ask where is some male figure

ooooookay, yeah, we look tiny and weak (and we are), but that does not mean we can't do the work:)

but it is still super lovely when pipe man offers a help:) like: hey, it is too wet here, you can stay up there and just say where to put the prism, like coooome ooooooooon, who will say: no, I must do it myself

that's a rule the feminists hate: Always take a help from a man, if he offers it

yeah, you can do it yourself, but why not to have that little moment of gratitude when somebody sincerely wants to help you?


What did you expect?

when you locked two civil construction engineers, dentist and a surveyor engineer in one room?

of course we rocked it:)

I'm talking about very popular entertainment activity in Estonia: escape room

we were in Klaustrofoobia

plot was, that you are locked in the cabin of the ship that is sinking and you need to escape it, before it drowns

you have 60 minutes to do that

and if you got stuck, you can ask for a clue

we did it in 33 minutes without any help

could had done much faster, but we were slow in the beginning and we spent at least 5 minutes looking for the yellow light (like it was written: follow the yellow light), we had blue, red and orange and yellow was nowhere to be seen:) well, as we got to know later, the yellow lamp apparently needed to be changed and our orange was the yellow we were looking for

it was very exciting to see, how the roles in the team were divided

we had never worked together before

but after 10 minutes we were working like a team of professionals :)

I guess it is the Engineers thing:)

working fast, thinking outside of the box and solve the problems

the woman who worked there said that it is a very rare thing, that all-girls team get out so fast

and in a few months they will have a new room and it looks outstanding

the space room with movements


gonna be there for sure:)

if you are going to visit Tallinn I highly recommend you going there and it since everything there is in english it is suitable for foreigners too

aaaaaweeeeeeesome 33 minutes:)

Monday, June 22, 2015

Dear Opera!

care to explain?
I am the biggest Opera browser fan

but when I see Your current browser is Chrome, that upsets me

I am paranoid parrot

I do not like the amount of information Google have about me using my blogger account, my google searches and other hidden programs

I do not have Gmail mainly for the reason that Google tends to use key words to force the advertisement and for their statistics and other stuff

Microsoft does not do that and they promote their Outlook mail pointing that out, that nothing from your mail box will be used even for statistics

did Opera guys sell their souls to Google?

because in that way I would rather use IE


I said it

for me IE is better than Chrome




care to explain?

Let the socks be where they are!

It is not true! - that's what I thought, when I read the article in the magazine about how men and women have completely different ways of thinking

one of the things there was "marking the territory"

men do that with dropping their clothes to whatever place they like

mostly socks on the floor:)

it was written, that it is the sign they mark their territory and they don't even notice it, it is some sort of instinct, so that the other male figure won't come to his territory and it was written, that women should not be angry at that, because men really don't think they do something bad, for them it is just socks on the floor, what is the problem? I am sure, it is impossibly hard for girls to accept that, but it is what it is and knowing that, may save your nerves and relationship

Let the socks be where they are!


the signs of women marking their territory is the amount of free space they are taking

I am not talking about the bathroom, because, let's face it, everything you have in you bathroom for 95% is the stuff your girl uses:) or she does not use it, but still have it there

that's understandable, but what I did not understand was the part, where the author of the article wrote: women make their best efforts to take as much space even in the public spaces as they can, sitting on one chair and for example putting her bag on another chair, when she could had easily hold it on her knees

I thought: It is soooooo nooooooot true, we just need comfort and sitting with a bag is just not comfortable

later that day I was going back to Finland on the ship and was eating on a snack bar

caught myself sitting in the table for four people, which is okay, because it is standard table

what is not okay was the amount of chairs I took


on one chair there was my bag (which fits into my "because it is more comfortable" theory)

on the second chair was my jacket (why could not I put it on the same chair, where my bag already was???)

the third chair was completely blocked with my luggage

and on the fourth chair was my lovely ass

I laughed probably inappropriately loud, when I noticed that:)

thinking: oh, the author was absolutely right

and I remembered, that I always put my things like that

my lovely ass does not need so much space

but nevertheless I am always taking as much as I can


girls! let the socks be where they are!

it is just an instinct:)

your man is just a man!


even though it looks sooooo baaaaaaaaaad

Four weeks and one death

"one of us is going to die in the next four weeks"

that's what I heard when I got home

lovely, is not it?:)

my niece told me, that my sister had That Dream

and by That Dream I mean when she sees her teeth falling out

she had that kind of dream twice in her life

during the next four weeks somebody from the family died


we are family of high risk of sudden death

all of us:)

I'm diabetic, living in, pretty much, ghetto, working on the construction sites, using fancy ships couple times a month, endless opportunities to die:)

my mom is not young, she has weak heart and worry too much about everything

my dad is an overweight man, working with heavy engines on the ship in the seas

my oldest sister is ill and doctors still can't find any way to cure her and she worries a looooooooooooooooooooooooot

my other sister is a little bit too clumsy

my niece works in a gold store

my nephews are regular kids and regular kids tend to do stupid things sometimes

and that is only the first circle of family

I'm not talking about husbands and other family members

so now we are playing the death roulette

and the nicest thing is: I don't want any of my family to be dead and apparently that is a rare thing now, to love your family so much, that you don't hate anyone and prefer to die yourself

something like: please, let it be me, let it be me!

the only escape we have, she said, that she saw teeth not completely falling out, but they were decaying fast, so that can mean one of us gets some serious injury or some sickness

let it be me, let it be me!

my doctor said few months ago that I had some problems with the lovely insides that I have, but she was not been able to identify the problem, and having so much negative experience with the doctors who constantly mess up my blood test results I kinda let it go

I hope it is the payback day and it would be me, who wins the lottery

bring it on, biaaaatches, just don't involve my family members, let them live!

like I told multiply times, I am already living two extra years that my body supposed to live

and I'm pretty much done with everything I ever wanted to do (besides going to Iceland and sleeping with a man on a free will, should I get day ticket to Iceland to sleep with some Icelandic man there?:))

my future book shop was described here , my perfect jobs were here and looking now on the right column I now realize, that I had been on blogger for yeeeeeears already:)

now I see, that I had not done everything I wanted to do, but you got my book shop idea, so if I die, you can use that:)

the dream is just a dream

two deaths can easily be just a coincidence

maybe my sister just needs to go to dentist

at least I hope so

but if not

please, let me take that death bullet, my family is just too awesome to let some of them die

Saturday, June 20, 2015

I think Jo Nesbø is overrated

to be completely honest, I think word overrated is not strong enough to describe how overrated Nesbo is

I have bought (and I sincerely regret it) three books from him

first I got Cockroaches for the reason I am not ashamed to say: I liked the picture of the author on the book cover:)))

thats enough reason for me to buy the book

if he is such a cutie pie you just need to give him a chance, don't you?

bought the book, started reading, realized it was the second book of the series, stopped reading and got the first one: The Bat

read it

did not like the characters, the story, the language use, pretty much anything at all

okay, I thought, maybe it is because it was the first book of the series and not every nordic author can write the first book like Stieg Larsson did

so I started reading the cockroaches again

after couple of chapters wanted to throw away that book

finished reading it after half a year

that bad the book is

I did not care about the detective, I did not care about the victim, I did not care about the murderer

nothing at all

just a strong desire to go to the shower to wash away that dirt

it was even worse than the first book

how did I get the third one?

I bought it with the first one, because I read good reviews about it and I just liked the title: The Snowman

I just can't force myself to read it

if you want a good Scandinavian crime novels I recommend you reading Stieg Larsson :) of course:)

if you had read it already, then it is time for Bäckstöm novels:)

Leif G. W. Persson

and before going to sleep I am reading now Lars Kepler - The hypnotist

I should say, that I don't sleep much now, because it is hard to stop reading, that interesting the story is:)

something like "Oh no, he did noooooot", "Noooo waaaaaaaaaay", "Whaaaaaaaaaaat???"

when you are actually interested in the story and you don't know how exactly it may end:)

life is too short to waste it on the bad books

Jo Nesbø, I'm talking about you now


Friday, June 19, 2015

I want to swim

so so so so baaaaad

last week on Sunday I got my swimsuit prepared on a chair thinking when I wake up I'm going to swim in the cold cold sea just because it is already June and my swimming season is still not opened

well, I woke up with the sound of rain

and in a battle of  "to go swimming when it is heavily raining or to read good book in the bed" bed once again won:)

I do not want to go alone, since I'm perfectly aware, that cold water may do evil tricks with the muscles and you may drown

but every time I pass the sea (and that's about four times a day) I hear the whisper in my head that I need to go swimming

and since swimming season is officially opened in Finland and there are guards on the beaches I may go now

if I pick up my lazy, but still fabulous, ass and go to the beach:)

let's open the season!

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

I'm going home



had not been there for 25 days

tweeeeenty fiiiiive

the longest I had been away:)

and here is another lovely song from twenty one pilots

I'm smiling like an idiot


I have absolutely no idea how they do that: they have lyrics about serious problems, but they manage to mask it with word combinations and music so perfectly, that it sends the happy vibe, instead of the depressed one

and that's a good way of living :)

I'm advanced metro user now

updated my metro using skills:)

today I woke up standing in front of metro train doors waiting to leave the train

the first thought was: wait, when did I fall asleep???

the second was: yeah, biiiatches, I can use metro even in my sleep



advanced user:)

but yeah, it is like sleepwalking, only metrowalking, brain shut down, body still functions


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Twenty one pilots

it feels like some strange obsession

I do not like the music

I do not like the songs

I do not even find them being physically attractive

but I can't stop listening to them

and watching videos

and smiling like idiot

and whirling in a dress like a little girl


I find the lead singer with his "being mentally sick" attitude for some reason very captivating

then I googled the band

got that "oh, now I get it" moment

do you know where are they from?

Columbus, Ohio





I had never been there, but something tells me there is something important for me in Ohio, besides my supermegaawesome Columbus Blue Jackets:)

felt in love with Columbus Blue Jackets when I first saw them play hockey

felt in love with Twenty one pilots when I first saw their super creepy video for Fairly local

can it be possible, that being Estonian Russian I have my charging station in Ohio, Columbus, USA?

smile with me now:

You fell asleep in my car I drove the whole time
But that's okay I'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine
I'm driving here I sit
Cursing my government
For not using my taxes to fill holes with more cement

I'm losing weight faster than I gain it

I had always been a little bit too thin

and I had always wanted to be bigger

not to be the pack of bones than I am, but a little bit soft

may not look as good, but feels much better

touching a soft cloud is always better than touching a bone

for the last two days I'm the one who crawls among the pipes and must I say: who the hell will pay for gym, when you can have free work out like that (you even get paid for getting slimmer:)

and when I look at the mirror now after only two days I see how my carefully gained little fat dissolves



bones again

but well

need to eat more then


and today I worked with ... Russian priest

dot doooot doooooooooot

atheist working on the church's construction site, hopefully it won't ruin their holy spirit of that place, I was the nicest person ever:) at least I tried

it was such a pleasure to use my own language at work and I am thinking may be I should work in Russia


I won't fit there

you know

too Estonian to be Russian, too Russian to be Estonian, endless conflict of nationalities

but if you want to lose weight, ask me how!


Monday, June 15, 2015

You should not invite us to your wedding

there used to be three of us, when we were school age girls

now one of us is getting married

and the other two should not be invited

because as for now we are debating what should we wear on her wedding

two options: gypsy clothes, with gypsy men and a bear dancing with us

and the second one: prostitute clothes

the tighter, the shorter, the better


and must be pink for sure


we already kindly recommended friend to change her wedding dance music

and she did:)

all of my friends are like me, we are messed up weird girls, but you will never get bored with us:)

we are discussing the gypsy clothes and a bear (at least super huge toy bear, we already found one in the old town) with the bride, but it looks like if her parents won't get the joke and we must blend in the crowd with normal boring dresses

my wedding would be in the Ice hotel and the other friend wedding would be divided into two parts: same day, different venue parts, one where everything is expensive, rich and predictable for the old school parents and the other Game of thrones one, with little people, lots of fancy clothes, fights, blood and the wedding cake in the shape of dragon :)

we just need to find future husbands who will support our ideas:)


if you need wedding ideas, I can easily help you with that:)

I only need one man in my life, one wedding, but have lots of ideas that I won't use, so I can help you:)

and learn from the mistakes of our friend

DO NOT invite us to your wedding:)

your parents won't like us:)

and we don't even drink:)

Why are you running away from the rain?

that question I always have in my mind when I see people start running when it rains

I enjoy standing in the rain

it is like the whole body massage when the rain drops hit your body

and the hair wash (but if you have the same hell hair like I do, it curls the shit out of it even if a minute before rain they were straight)

it is like a free SPA treatment for you

why would you even think about running away

yeah, your clothes will be wet, but why the hell not?

enjoy the rain!

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Tuatha de Danann

and no

Tuatha de Danann is not a devil summoning spell


I found a new music genre for me

Folk Metal

it is like you take the best of folk music and add the best of metal music and have your ears functioning, not like if you have them bleeding while listening to some sort of speed metal:)

Jurassic world

I looooooooooooooooved this movie

at first I was sure I'm not gonna like it, because if even Interstellar for me was "meh, average movie with mistakes" what would I expect from Jurassic world?

but I loved it

not even liked it, but definitely loved it

it is very rare for me, not to be annoyed with unrealistic situations in the movie, but this time it was more like:

she run in the woods in the high heels, but who caaaaares

he has his hair being dry after swimming and in an area of high humidity, but who caaaares

and the movie was "but who caaaares" all the time, I was focusing on the plot:)

which is full of who cares holes, but who caaaaares

it definitely was not as exciting as the first one, mainly because raptors were made on the green screen and you just knew they are not real even for a bit (except for several of them, I'm pretty sure they were real made models and it gave me that they loooooooooook soooooooooooooo reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal moment)

I don't wanna ruin the experience for you and I am not gonna tell you how it all ended and what happened in the movie, because I strongly recommend you going to the cinema to watch it

but I loved how they incorporated the parts of the first movie:) the DNA helper, the cars, the cane, the shirt

the age limit is 12 and I agree, it may be too bloody and scary for kids under that age

after Jurassic Park I started reading books on dinosaurs from the libraries to get to know more about them

I still have a collection of raptors in my room

yeah, I'm 28, but who caaaaares, they still live in my room:)

I really hope that this movie will do the same with modern kids, help them put away phones and play with toy raptors creating Jurassic world in the nearest park:)

or finally asking mom to buy them the first real paper book

or thinking about a scientific career

as for the girls my age

well, I never really understood why Chris Pratt was so popular, because on the pictures he did not look outstanding, but now I get it

he is just that super manly super charming super real man who we don't have a lot in the real life anymore :)

if to use inappropriate language "he can charm the shit out of you"


and if in the beginning I was highly disappointed of the rumors that Chris may be the next Indiana Jones, now I think it is an excellent choice, if he joins the movie:)


Jurassic World is worth watching in the cinemas!

you will not be disappointed

my ratings of Jurassic movies:
  1. Jurassic Park (mostly because my Michael Crichton wrote that very first book and it was too impossible to believe how he managed to do that and Spielberg to shoot that)
  2. Jurassic World
  3. Jurassic Park III
  4. Jurassic Park II

I love love love love this girl

and I do not understand why people in alternative music world hate her so much that she felt the need to write this song

Lovely people of Internet

where did you even get my e-mail?


got plenty of letters saying how bad of a person I am if I think, that Estonia should not take refugees

you call me nazi

and racist

since Internet made it possible to express the feelings with meme pics here is one for you:

google what nazism means

if you are too lazy I will explain it as simple as I can: it means that you are sure, that one specific race is a master race and all other are least important and may be cleaned out of the Earth

I don't think Estonian people are master race:) not even for a bit, we are complicated mean weirdos


I do think if you come to my country with your own religion, own traditions and morals YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE

you ruined your own country with all that crap that you bring now to my land hoping to get another result

honey, I have bad news for you, that is never gonna happen

I have almost nothing against educated atheists from other countries (no matter what skin color they have)

but the reality based on Norway, Sweden, Finland, England, Canada etc is that within a very little time people of other ethnicity group into large communities and start forcing their culture and religion

invading the country

leading country to the same hell they had escaped from

like every normal person, who loves his/her country I don't want that to happen, therefore I am strongly against all those refugees

if you ruined your own country why should I let you ruin mine?


so, yeah, I call myself racist, because I am too lazy to explain, that I'm a territorial racist and I will have problems with you here, but the same second you come back to your land I have absolutely nothing against you, your skin color, your beliefs and  morals and we can even be skype friends, but not on my land!

and I will not apologize for what I think is right for my country

sue me

and you will probably win, since all that "oh we all so tolerant, we can't let them think we are bad people, so we will put in jail our own girl to protect the immigrants"


but I promise you, not sure about Finland, but in Estonia you will have hell life after doing that:)

we are trying help you saving your country, but you refuse to listen to us

you know how to use fishing rod now, but you are still asking for the already prepared fish

Saturday, June 13, 2015

There is a reason

for Estonia to be called "least friendly, tolerant, happy country" and so on

and I am proud of that

it is closed society and we don't need tolerant crap here

in European Union it was decided to send to Estonia 400-500 refugees from Africa


my country is now debating that decision in the court, saying it affects democratic rights if the country is forced to take refugees against the country will

they even had a demonstration with about 700-800 people (which is a loooot for Estonia)

I especially loved "We can help African people...In Africa"


see, we are not against helping, we are against them invading our fragile little country, with their culture and beliefs

and yes, you can call us every bad name you want

but at least Estonian people are trying to save their national identity

and I will attend one of those meetings too

if you are refugee I won't lie to you and I will say it as it is: You are not welcome to Estonia and you will never be" so don't come here, we can destroy you with our hate


you know

Estonians are mean

but we are okay with that:)

Not all bus drivers are evil creatures

I like people who talk a lot

a looooooot


today I was in a bus with very chatty bus driver

I did not expect that:)

I entered the bus, took a seat and felt how everybody in the bus started staring at me

and I was sitting with this face:

apparently I missed a story about me:)

I still wanna know what bus driver said to the passengers

but during the route he talked a lot and it was such a pleasant surprise

he told, that the road is under construction and we may need to wait for a little bit to let the other lane pass before ours

he told when the railroad station came

and when it was the last bus stop he told about the weather (like they usually do on Tallink ships: the weather in Helsinki is +15 or smt like that) and wished everybody a very nice day and thanked for using his bus line

how adooooooorable is thaaaaat?

needed to write down the bus number just to tell his bosses how amazing he is

we need more drivers like him!

friendly and happy:)

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Wake up! You need to make money!

I have strange love towards Twenty one pilots

I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink, 
But now I'm insecure and I care what people think
don't we all?

why do we even care about what people think

some social behaviour probably

but the line about fears is kinda right

I am definitely not afraid of elevators:)

but still have that unresolved problem with yeti :)
We used to play pretend, give each other different names, 
We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away, 
Used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing at our face, 
Saying, "Wake up, you need to make money."
I still dream about outer space

almost every single day:)

but when I was a kid I had a strange dream: my whole family having everything on the Earth and having some sort of shop, where only one thing can be given away and every day or every hour it is a new thing

I guess it is some sort of reaction to USSR product tickets reality

but I still sometimes think how awesome it would be, new closed box appears and you just open it without knowing what is inside and start giving it to the first person in line

in my world it was usually cats, puppies and books:)

sometimes toys

but people standing in the line never died or were unhappy

and my family was next to me, giving away things that they had in their boxes

I guess even being little girl I already loved boxes and routine :)

excellent song!

lovely video

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Why the beauty goddess is so unfair?

that is what I think every evening:)

when I have my perfect hair

after having to fight with it the whole day

and like in magic, after 20.00 it magically transforms into the hair I wanted the whole day



but hey, at least at night I have perfect hair!

and it is better than not having it at all:)

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

The irony of Skype

I have the devil's operating system aka Windows 8 and I hate it


you heard it right, me, the biggest Microsoft worshipper who is probably the only true fan of Vista left on Earth, hating W8

haaaaaaaaaaaate it

but I am slowly mastering it to my needs

who said my new netbook Vincent (thats the official name of my computer now, I call it Vincent, because he looks like Vincent, Vinny if he is bitching) can't have Microstation installed on it?

works perfectly fine too:)



remember that joke about how hard it is to close the program?

well, in Windows 8 Skype is already installed and by default X means the close button now

now imagine how after all those years of using Skype and accepting the fact that X means minimizing to tray and not Close how hard it is now not to get angry, when X closes the program:)

it is been more that a month now and I still get irritated when it closes

is not it ironic, that after all these years of people complaining about X button, it is now doing its job and people complain about it not minimizing window, but closing it?


Monday, June 8, 2015

I do have a favourite place in Helsinki!!!

how did I forget about that place

road tunnel in Vuosaari

I love love love love looooooooooove it

1520m of happiness


I feel like if I am in a fairytale each time we drive there

that does not happen often

but when it does

I keep smiling like an idiot, because I love that tunnel atmosphere so much:)

magical place

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Why do they love The Great Gatsby parties so much?

I read the book

and now I'm confused

after the movie there were thousands of The Great Gatsby themed parties and even weddings

my question is: Did you even read the book?

now every time I hear something like "Oh, I would wanna live in that time sooooo much"


you do realize the book showed how shallowed and empty the society was?


you know

a looooooooooooot


the book basically describes that girls are dumbasses and can spend the entire life doing nothing besides cheating on husbands and killing people in accidents

and men who got lucky getting money, but got unlucky losing everything else

basically a story about how extremely famous man got killed for the crime he had not done and everybody else ignore his funerals while the person who was guilty of hit and run was pretty much perfectly fine

it is the outstanding story

and the times had not changed much

fame, money, scandals are still here

shallow women rule the show

money bags rule the world

choose your friends wisely

choose your love wisely

choose your destiny wisely

or you will end up like The Great Gatsby

who was only great of how miserable his life ended

The Great Failure

because when you are blinded by the money and beauty, you will never take the right choice


for me the book had the similar impact, that the supermegaawesomemovie The Departed

cried half a night when I saw that movie, because I realized, that people are rotten to the core and I might not be the exception

the book does the same

good boy

bad ending

but I always think about my family and friends and remember how amazing they are

maybe I will not become that rotten person

I will try my best

as for the girls, who like The Great Gatsby parties, read the book and think about ONE nice woman there

and if you find her, then tell me, maybe then I will understand why you love being part of that vanity fair


And this is definitely not AC/DC

one of my favourite songs to feel like a drunk Irish man (or American-Irish)

everyone has the need to feel like that from time to time


Johnny, I hardly knew yaaaa

don't you just wanna dance?

because I do:)

Dropkick Murphys are awesome

This is not AC/DC

but I always have that feeling listening to Airbourne


perfect car song:)

too much, too young, too faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast

my mind sometimes changes that "too fast" into "too baaaaaaadaaaaaaaaass"


Paranoid parrot mode: activated

I think a bus driver tried to kill me

yeah, how about that?


I was waiting for a bus, my lazy ass is too lazy to walk one bus stop, therefore I would rather wait 5 minutes for a bus

the bus arrived, I politely greeted the bus driver

you know, regular thing that people always do in Espoo, but very rare thing in Helsinki

everything was fine

I pressed the stop button before my bus stop and did it in a normal time, not in the very last minute, saw that the STOP sing lighted and bus driver knew I am going to leave the bus

so I was standing and waiting for the bus driver to open the door and he did open one door

the first one to let the people in

and for some reason decided not to open the one I was standing by

so I pressed the stop button once again and once again and ooooonce again, like come on, how much time do you need to open the door

he yelled at me

he yelled at me a looooooooooooooot and very angrily

for a bus driver, who can't do his job properly that was too rude (just for the record, there was not any problem with the door)

but I'm calm as hell, so I was not annoyed

when I finally left the bus, I went to the traffic light to cross the road and waited for the green light

I am a paranoid parrot and a very bad driver, therefore I understand that the people with the same problem that I have (not feeling the size of the car) may drive a little bit too close to the pedestrian road and I always stand a little bit behind the road

so I was standing there and that same freaking bus with the same freaking bus driver drove up the front wheels to the pedestrian waiting line and it almost hit me




you know

dear bus driver, playing GTA much?

and I have no idea, why he was so extremely mad at me, so that he had the need to scare the shit out of me

I hope his driving sooooo clooooooose to me was just an accident and not a failed attempt to murder:)

sad news for that driver, I was not scared

three things: insects, yeti and clowns can scare me

I did not even feel that "aaaahhhhhhh, I'm going to die" moment


I just thought

"what a fucktard"


not very polite of me, but I had a pretty good reason thinking that:)

like, coooome oooooon

I can't be mad for too long

Mr Sunshine has his nickname for a reason

he always makes me smile and helps me a lot

I just need to be careful, when the Pure Evil comes to the orbit of the Sun


and Pure Evil is a very nice man when we are tete-a-tete, I guess he is just not comfortable being nice all the time

and that's okay

but I am looking for a new job

maybe back in Estonia:)

most likely my last summer here

and that's okay

but just for your thought, dear Finnish people, your country will become black, if all Estonian people return to Estonia

and you have to be ready for that

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Breaking point

I think I made a mistake coming here to Finland

I will never fit in

yesterday I cried at work

for the whole HOUR

I even tried 10 seconds rule:

the meaning is: if you take something you need to do and divide it into many parts of 10 seconds, life will be better, because you can do pretty much everything in 10 seconds and then just repeat it as long as you need it to be done and everything will be okay, for me it was not crying for ten seconds and then not crying for another ten seconds, you got my point

and I failed

for that freaking hour I could not stop crying even for ten seconds

what happened?

I was not physically hurt and nobody I care about died

but I felt crushed

you know

completely crushed because of the realization "it is not my place, not my people, not my life"

there are only four people in the office we are working in: Pure Evil, Mr Sunshine and used to be Dumbass and now instead of him a new girl

When the new girl came, I already knew, that I will get my portion of being belittled by Pure Evil, because for some reason, every fucking single time he starts a war with me when somebody new appears in the office

and I don't know why

and I am pretty sure he does not even notice it

and I was prepared to cry again after work before going to sleep like I did multiply times already

but I always had Mr Sunshine on my side, he never joined the evil jokes and with all of the time that we spent together I kinda thought we became good friends already

little did I know

yesterday Pure Evil beat his evilness and I got nice comments about how I don't know language, don't know how to draw, how to drive, how to measure, how to write and how I will fail when he goes on a vacation

that was too much for me, but the breaking point I reached was when my Mr Sunshine joined in and agreed on every single thing Pure Evil said

so much of being friends

my mistake

I was so deeply hurt, that I just run away in tears like a freaking baby

I did not tell them that we were doing perfectly fine when they both were on sick leave for 1,5 weeks and yes, I did mistakes, but none of them were too important and everything could had been redone, and after they returned I asked about the things I was missing not to make the same mistakes again

I was running away, because I had a mental knife stuck in my back, and all I could think about was "Et tu, Brute?"

and when standing and crying outside I had my puzzle together: not my place, not my people, not my work

I am almost a year here, I don't have my favourite place in the town, I apparently don't have even one friend, I apparently can't do nothing and pretty much am nothing

I live with the people I don't know in an apartment I don't like

I work with people who hate me

if you think I am all that bad, why the fuck would not you just came to me and say in person "hey, Jana, we think you are a nice person, but you just don't belong here"

and I tried

and I tried

and I tried to become friends with them

but it will never be enough

I'm not Finnish enough

I will always get my part of being belittled partly because of that

I was just standing there and caught myself thinking "if I jump from this rock I will not be having any problems anymore"

and it scared the shit out of me

besides my long gone desire to shoot my brains out (when I had long period of unbearable headaches) I never really wanted to do something bad with me, because like I already had written before, there is absolutely no elegant and clean way of dying, I just wanted to die

and here I was

standing there with that thought

and I now understand why there are so many suicides in Finland and why do they drink soooooooooooo muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch

you just can't cope with what you see and what you hear

this land just slowly killing me

I came to Finland for three reasons: hockey, 5B, and work

I love hockey and it is pretty much the only thing I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove about Finland, how passionate they are about hockey

5B is not gonna happen, big bearded brave blondie bear will never come to me, because Finnish men talk with women they don't know only when they are drunk

today I got a lovely "you look nice!" and a shape of heart made by fingers from some drunk guy

well, thank you! at least somebody says compliments to me:) drunk men

work is not what I expected, keeping in mind how small my salary is, how expensive life in Finland is and how my colleagues seem to hate me:)


wonderful life, is not it?

I think after this summer I will end my contract and move north

to Norway or Sweden

you have to get your portion of being hated in every country you used to like, don't you?

I had that in Estonia, because I'm not pure Estonian, got it in Finland, because I'm not Finnish and next hate pack I will get from some other country

my boys are super mega awesome people, but I just don't belong with them

I am too lazy, too passive, too everything bad you want to think

and Mr Sunshine, you hurt me so much, that I had cried unstoppable for the whole fucking hour

nobody ever did that to me

not even all those boys who lied to me


not for an hour

it is a new record!


I hope that minute of joining into the "lets make evil jokes about that foreigner and see how she will react" was worth it

but today I looked in his eyes only once

because I just could not pretend, that hey, everything is peeeerfect

hopefully the new girl will give both of you everything I had not been able to do


Finnish girl at least knows how to write and talk correctly

while I am going to move again
Not all those who wander are lost
and I am mentally packing my suitcases

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

I'm not ashamed that I like this song

not even for a bit


I really really really really really really like you


and apparently I have sympathy for Rudimental, even though it is not kind of music, but they seem to make good remixes and original songs

you know, the desire to dance with closed eyes

that's what I get

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Mr. Robot

I strongly recommend you watching this show:

you will not see a lot of action

you will not see a lot of visual effects

you will not see macho men

but you will be watching that hour long episode without realizing what keeps you so interested

I loved the pilot

the plot, the actors, the music, the camera men work

everything just fits perfectly into the story

and I definitely will be watching it until the end of the show

because their plan is genius

unless it won't turn out like he said it will



don't miss this show!

and if you live in America you can watch the pilot from the original Mr Robot page

as for Russian people, well, being Russians as we are, you can already watch it pretty much everywhere on the Russian Internet with Russian translation:)

Monday, June 1, 2015

I have a little bit strange choice of love movies and love songs

I still think that The Gaslight Anthem - Biloxi Parish is one of the songs that describe the meaning of love perfectly:

and the best love movie is still M.Night Shyamalan masterpiece The Village:


We are drinking result of combustion

or the result of burning, if you prefer

like whaaaaaaat

we all know that molecule of water is written as H2O

but had you ever thought about that O in the end?

you know

the oxygen

I kinda missed that fact in school

and University

and the books I read

today I was reading russian magazine Around the world and in the questions-answers section there was a question: Why water, consisting of hydrogen and oxygen, does not burn or explode?

and the answer was: Because the water itself already IS a product of burning

like whaaaaaaaaaaat

basically we drink the product of burning and not the ugly black crap you see after carbon things burn, but one of the most important things in our world: water

how the hell nobody ever pointed that to me???

I have A in chemistry and I do understand the basics of it (most of it I do not accept, but still know)

how did I miss that exciting fact?

why did not we have a practical demonstration of that in chemistry classes?

now my world had changed again:)

take a glass of water

look at it

do yoooou seeeeee whaaaat I seeeeee?

Result of burning!

Now I can't stop imagining drinking fire:) well, product of burning, but still, if you use your imagination, you can imagine the reaction between hydrogen and oxygen burning right in front of your eyes creating water molecules (it does not work like that, but hey, it is my imagination)

where can I get the oxygen and hydrogen to start a reaction to actually see how water is forming?