Sunday, November 30, 2014

I'm confused about Finnish people now

feels like if Finns don't really bother about being loyal anymore

calling tax office instead of reaching out to boss in person to solve the problem one on one

leaving partners by sending text message

going on strikes without thinking about other people needs

even switching hockey teams in the middle of the game because your team is losing (I saw that myself)

it confuses me a lot

because I used to think about Finns: polar bears (big calm people until you disturb them and then they will unleash their fury and bring you down)

now I think: windy people

not free

but windy

obviously not all

there are still lots of good old tough polar bears

but the tendency of them turning into wind scares me a bit

because thats how you lose national identity

by turning into another "multicultural" society of "free" people

thats not freedom

thats being selfish

and although being selfish sometimes is good, but when you are selfish all the time

then you no longer have a country

you have people who happen to live on the same territory

by themselves

with no national identity

because the only thing that unites you is the language

and that is sad

Interesting point of view you have

I said to my friend, when I told her that I don't know how to keep my emotions under the control

she said, that maybe it is because I don't have any feelings and you just trying to show emotions that are expected to be seen in specific situations

in other words, that I'm sociopath





to some extent I am, but definitely not completely sociopath

sometimes I do stand in the company of people trying to understand why they react so much to some situation

I never made a secret out of it, I feel cold dead inside

I do not understand why people in Ferguson defend that black guy so much

I do not understand that

and not because I'm kinda bit racist

but because it is not logical for me

he stole something from small shop

was rude to police officer

tried to attack him

aaaand, because he was shot, he somehow become a hero

something tells me

it is because he was black

I do not understand why so many people defend that guy and are extremely mad on the police man

I do not understand the reason for their feelings

I have cold heart and my logic tells me, that if you are not abiding laws, you may be punished

if I were that police man, I would shoot too

because when somebody attacks you

you defend yourself

it is sad, that the black guy was killed, but it was self defense

and he was killed not because he was black, but because he was not very law abiding citizen (and not some stupid law, that tells you not to read some specific book, nope, pretty normal ones: don't steal and don't attack people)

so I do look like a monster when I say it to somebody

looking sociopath like

maybe I mimic emotions

maybe when I see some situation, I react like my logics tell me other people must react

and maybe I don't know where to cut off the intensity of some feeling

and I continue going on

I don't know

I do not think I'm socio

but I do understand the reasons why some people may think so

I think I am just over reacting kind of person

who happens to be dead inside


I'm Gonna Be

don't you just wanna sing along?

I do:)

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Another disappointment

oh, like, cooooome oooooon

you too, Rise Against???

what the hell is this???


November will go into my history as the month full of broken dreams, hopes and plans

today got to know that the biggest thing that I had planned on December will not be possible


that moment when I got that text message, oooohhhh, if to describe it in pictures, that would be, me, being all that happy on my work (which is not hard, since I have probably the most happiest man in Finland as a work partner) and after reading the message I could feel how my deeply dark red glass heart broke into billions of pieces, feels like if I was standing in the store, holding the phone in my hands and looking on the floor, where glass pieces of my weak heart were


not gonna glue it together with memories and hopes

let it be the last broken heart I had


gonna have a solid rock heart now

but today I have a right to cry to a song that aaaaaalways makes me cry

I am not completely sure why:)

but for many years I always have wet eyes when I hear it

it is all gonna be fine

one day

And the best game you can name

is the gooooood oooooooold hooooockeeeeeey gaaaaaaaame

intensity, drama, unexpected turns

it is like watching a live action movie


here is the thing

My Finnish team is Espoo Blues (now simply Blues), and for you to understand how bad things are with our team, we have an official slogan: Believe and never give up


that bad everything is

nevertheless, still my team:)

so, as for now, we are the third worst team in Liiga

couple of days ago were the second worst

and yesterday we played with the one that is always somewhere in the top

and you know what?

watch the video


the fun part starts at 3:30

for those who had not understand what happened, we were losing 0:1 (and I looooove how angry Laurikainen (our goaltender) was when Kärpät scored, because he could not really see the puck, because of our player laying in front of him, you can read his lips, when they score, and what he said was no some cutie stuff, and when goalie is into the game that much it is always good)

and I think people who left game early (there are a lot of those kind of people in Finland) would regret their decision for a long time



becaaaaaauseeeeee we woooooooooooon 2:1

the first one we scored 22 seconds til the end of the game

and the second one only threeeeeeeeee seconds until the end of the game

threeeeee seeeeeeconds

22 seconds that changed the game completely:)

oh, and should I mention, that the second one is from the super cutie pie Roope Talaja, who I believe is indeed the hottest player in Liiga (the rule of 5 B's - Big, Bearded, Brave, Blondie Bear)


it is the games like that, that stay in the memory for the loooong time:)

Blues! We believe and never give up!

There are no green stars

now that I think about it and mentally recreating all of the space pictures I had seen in my life I realize, that indeed, there are no green stars

read about this in Focus magazine and I never had thought about that

red, blue, orange, white you can easily find

but no green

why does it bother me so much now?

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

New biathlon season is almost here!!!

I had not forgot about biathlon


This Saturday, my biathlon friends, this Saturday the most interesting of winter sports is coming back! (don't get me wrong, the best sport in the world is indeed hockey, but since they start playing in Autumn and finish in Summer it is hard to name hockey a completely winter sport)

Ole Einar Bjørndalen

Super Svendsen

Bø Junior

Unlucky Berger

Doping whore Fourcade (I know he is not on doping, but that doesn't stop me from calling him that)

and that is just to name few:)

I love biathlon!


Congratulations with the new season!

Men free December


decided that enough of those complicated games when you want something from somebody and suddenly can't get it

I am making this an official statement

In December:

I am no longer looking for a man

I am no longer making any kind of first steps towards any man

I am no longer worrying what some men think about me

Men free December it is


time for christmas decorations, learning how to draw paintings and learning some programming language :)

oh, yes, I decided to become a painter now:)))

even though I don't know how to draw anything



Sunday, November 23, 2014

And then we lost it

should be the name of Angels and Airwaves new album


thaaat bad everything is

just look at this new video:



but, no


the chorus part is maybe meh, okay, but the song is like a super mega electro crap

and do you hear the magnificent drums?


me too

and it used to be the best part of the band

but then they started losing members and it seems like they put they soul to Love movie and left nothing to themselves

because it sounds bad

and if you listen to the songs from new album that they have on their YouTube channel then you most likely will agree with me

it is bad

because it does not bring any emotional side whatsoever


and I eat emotions and I need to feed on the emotions

I did not get it

but well, everything comes to an end (not according to my space-time theory, but thats debatable)

I am gonna miss you

thank you for Love

but we are done

lets have good memories


Epic Holiday:)

and lets not forget how it all started

I am surely gonna miss you

Thursday, November 20, 2014

My new favorite Finnish song

Haloo Helsinki! - Kiitos ei ole kirosana

the name of the song translates to English: Thank you is not a curse word

I especially love this part:
Miks on niin helvetin vaikeeta katsoo silmiin,
tai sanoa moi
Why the hell is it so hard to look in the eyes or to say hi

I noticed myself that I somehow turned into less polite person here in Finland, and I have no idea why

but I still smile to everybody


awesome song

Blind Owl

don't you just wanna drown in his eyes?

And then I wonder

Why do I even try


some friendships just not suppose to happen

pathetic me, trying to find something in this world

but the fact how easily I now can let go people I like, would had scare me if there were not the same reaction from another person

apparently, I am not worth trying to keep the friendship going

and apparently my brain finally worked the system out:) I liked three men in my life, all three of them made me cry like a freaking baby, after breaking my heart

it took me months and months after first time, then couple of months second time and several weeks the third time

my friend even asked me: but you like the third one so much, how could you switch so fast to another one?

I answered her, that there is no point in self pity, if man broke your heart, why should I cry longer than for one evening?

I don't have to

and there are just way too many beautiful blondies here:)

but as for now

hockey it is:)

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

The beauty of some songs you understand only when you get a little bit older

for me it is Nine Inch Nails - Capital G

and although it is extremely sad to admit, but I do find resemblance in that song

I somehow did turn into "don't really care" kind of person

I don't care about Africa, I don't care about Ukraine, I don't care about global warming anymore


I simply don't care anymore

with no reason whatsoever

I turned my green myself into black hearted Jana

and I'm perfectly fine with that

the only things I do stand for are: beauty products should not be tested on animals and if you can't kill the animal yourself, you should not have the right to eat the meat of it

the last one is updated version of my vegetarianism

I used to be against any sort of killing, because I thought it was not fair to animal, because they don't have guns or knives

but now I came to conclusion, why the hell not, if you had killed a cow in your life by yourself, took the meat off and cooked it, then I do find it fair, if you buy meat in shops

that must be some sort of test for people

I know, that I can kill a human being (won't eat his meat, though), but I also know that I can not kill even a chicken


I know for sure that I can not

therefore, if I can't kill it, how can I eat it?

I can't

that simple it is

excellent song, that made me feel like a complete loser and failure

well, I used to stand for something
but forgot what that could be
and we all know, who signed Capital G on the papers


gonna go now being all that depressed and pitiful

Nine Inch Nails, you are awesome!

Monday, November 10, 2014

How does he always look so attractive?

is it the magic of the coat?

I don't know

Thursday, November 6, 2014

The amount of divorces in Finland

is too damn high

in my head I always had that picture perfect about happy people getting old together and dying in one day

I somehow was sure, that family bonds are much stronger here


maybe it was before

because as for now, people are getting divorced in seconds

ignoring the fact, that you two had kids, that does not stop you for getting a divorce

it seems to me, that Finnish people are getting married so young because of the church and the fact, that by certain age you have to be married

sometimes I think they chose their husbands/wifes not based on some personal qualities and physical attraction, but more like: hey, girl, I'm single, you are single, lets play family together

and so they do

have kids

and after 3-10 years a divorce

but what I don't like the most, is how the divorce is completely normal here

I do not lie, you can read a looooot of interviews and articles about famous finnish people telling how proud they were to get a divorce and how happy they are now, when they don't need to deal with the problems of another person, without any negative outcome, everything is so fluffy puffy after you got a divorce

I don't understand that

for me it is basically like if you tattooed a huge words on your forehead: I failed in choosing the right person for me, had kids with him, wasted years on him and then I decided he is not worth it

Divorce is not okay, divorce is a tragedy

stop rushing into marriage, if you are not completely sure that you would wanna die in the same day in 75 years from now, don't get married

I like one cutie pie from my work, he is only 30 years old, has two kids and already divorced and all I can think about is: whyyyyyyyyy would you marry so early, I would hit on him right away, but knowing he has ex-wife with whom he has kids, well, thats an instant stop sign

you can never compete with the mother of his kids

you will always lose in that battle

and thats sad

because she is, indeed, super cool

but well

dear finnish people! Stop getting married so early!


Monday, November 3, 2014

Highly underrated tv show


I read a lot of reviews and almost all of them say how bad the show is and how people stop watching it after two episodes

well, dear people, you suck!

the show is aaaaaaaahhhhhhhmazing

what I think disappointed the people, is that from the trailer it looks some sort of another zombie drama like Walking Dead

and people were getting ready to sit in the chairs and be sad for people



you have Walking Dead for that

Z-Nation is an outstanding zombie masterpiece filled with irony, sarcasm and parody

I laugh a loooooooot, when I watch it

and they indeed have a good idea, that can be turned into some serious zombie drama blockbuster

but they decided to go on the fun road and I do think it was the right decision

actors are doing their jobs with such an enthusiasm, that they all deserve some sort of tv show awards, all of the cast is incredible

every single one of them can have their own zombie show and it still will be interesting to watch

Murphy, Doc, Addy, 10K, Citizen Z

I love it, I love it sooooo much, that I'm sad, when I see the ratings and I understand, that most likely there will be no second season (even though it is renewed for the second one, but something tells me it will be canceled)


as for the people who say: This is crap, because it contains so many mistakes, that I'm too smart to watch it and every one who loves this is some stupid person

well, I am stupid then:)

about the mistakes: first of all, every mistake, that you think is a mistake is subject to question, mostly because, well, how many zombies do you personally know?ten?two?at least one? exactly! zombie is just a theory and you can develop you own zombie world if you want to, and in your world they can react the way they react in the Z-nation:) the little mistakes like "but why did he go alone" "but where was his knife" "but ---- ----- ----" I see them, but for me they add that parody charm and I do think the writers did that on purpose

when you dig deeper, you will find a lot of interesting ideas and thoughts

it is sad, though, that people are only taking what lays on the surface

if you want to have a good laugh with some good aftertaste you should watch Z-nation and ignore all of the bad ratings and comments



and Murphy is aaaaaaaaaaweeeeeesoooooooome

bad guy:)

or is he a guy?:)

Zunami:))) freaking Zunami

Sometimes all you need to hear

is "everything will be okay"

aaaaand thats aaaaaall

weird, is not it?

you know it by yourself, but you just need to hear it from somebody else

it is essential need

so if somebody tells you how bad his/hers day was, just say that everything will be okay and that would be enough:)

I understand it now

I finally understood why poor people tend to have a lot of kids

I do!!!

living with male roomies helped me with understanding that

and I am not gonna tell you that secret:)

because most of you will be offended and start sending me angry letters

if you are a girl and want to know that too, so you wont waste your life choosing wrong kind of men, just contact me in Skype and I will gladly share with you my thoughts

it is so simple, that I feel kinda ashamed, that I had not solved that earlier

thank you, my roommates!

I really need this place

apparently I do:)

this blog helps me keeping my emotions under the control

it is like my mental dumpster:)

but I had not wrote anything here for a long time and yesterday I had another meltdown


I do believe, that not only PMS exists, but AMS as well


you know

A standing for "after", or you don't even have to change the abbreviation and use P for "post"

it does feel like you just can't keep your emotions

you need to give it away

to drop it off and see how people can react

and you know what?

my working partner is Mister Sunshine, I was still mad in the morning, but working with such a piece of happiness can surely erase all of the negative thoughts

he is like my personal Patrick Jane:)))

and for this I thank you!

since I realized I need this place like some sort of therapy, well, yet again, for the hundredth time:

I'm back:)