Friday, May 30, 2014

I'm tired

right now I'm in the state of mind, when I don't care about future

at all

something switched off in me:)

if to imagine it in mental pictures, like I always do, right now I'm in the black hall, with no lights and lots of closed doors

and I'm just sitting there, without even trying to open one of it, because it feels safe here

where there are no emotions and unnecessary people

where nothing important happens and nobody gets hurt

safe is the right word

and although I know I need to change it, I lost any will to do that

in my black hall there are no rooms with broken dreams:)

and no future

but for now, it suits me well, because I'm really trying of chasing my dreams and seeing them falling apart

same with people

my girls probably already noticed, that I started canceling plans quite often

and I'm now thinking that all the headaches and even toothaches are just because I don't even wanna try to build something anymore

I do not understand people

the only person I get, is me

and my actions don't go well with other people actions, because I can't predict them

life is just an accident

and indeed, into the stardust we return

I'm not gonna build anything for now

but I'm a surveyor

we are always building something

just not now


This place is as empty

as my soul


oooo ooouuuu

evil song

dooon't yoooou ooooo ooooouuuu

Well, hello

Zac Efron

I missed the moment when from teen star you had become HOT HOT HOT


today while reading british Glamour I saw big picture of extremely hot man

and it was Zac

I usually never look at pictures for more than a few seconds, but I'm not lying, I was looking at this picture for at least a minute

and that is like eternity

you are welcome, girls


I'm pretty sure most of the boys hate him, but well, you have top models, we have Efron, and since beauty standards are so high today for girls, here you go boys: Do YOU look like Efron? no? then you must go to gym and hire a stylist to look like that, so that girls would like you

and I'm not talking about his personality, because I'm somehow pretty sure, that when you adore Kate Upton you don't really think about how interesting she is:)))

I'm not gonna post half naked pictures here, but girls, if you google him, you won't be disappointed


Monday, May 26, 2014

Lets add some Sunshine to his place

I'm in an angry mood lately, because I am failing in everything I do, but I try to fix everything

and I need more happiness in my life

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Congratulations, Finland!!!!

for winning silver medals with the team for 80% consisting of really young players

Pekka Rinne for President of Finland!

I enjoyed watching their game, it was fast, aggressive, clean and honest

yeah, I specifically made "honest" in bold

because those of you who watched final game today most likely left with the same "WTF WAS THAT?????" face, when game ended

I love saying, that hockey is better than football, because they are not playing "oh, he hit me so hard, you now must punish him" kind of thing

today's game proved I was wrong, what Russian players did have no explanation whatsoever for me. I liked how Estonian commentator said: it's like watching football" and "we all know players are not butterflies"

well, from now, Russian hockey player will be called Butterflies, because they are so fragile and always in pain

as for the judges: how much did they pay you?seriously, giving 2 minutes for nothing to Finns, while ignoring at least 2min+10 from certain Russian butterfly is not working for your advantage

I was pissed off

I was shaking my head and hands repeating all the time "WTF WAS THAT FOR!"

but I keep repeating: The Game was in Sochi, Olympic game's bronze is worth much more, than today's gold

nevertheless, I am disappointed in what they turned hockey in

Finns, you were great!

Bobrovsky, you are The Only Man in the team of butterflies!

Judges, I hope you will lose your licenses

and just for your information, out of 5 goals, 4 were scored while butterflies were in power play and Finns were sitting on the bench for highly doubtful penalties

Congratulations, Finland!!!

Congratulations, Bobrovsky!!!

Pekka for president!!!

Patiently waiting

for the new Angels and Airwaves album

I'm pretty sure that this song is not theirs and is published under their name just to draw attention to it

but whoever did this deserves some sort of invitation to actual Angels and Airwaves:

as for AvA

here is one of my favorites

just watch the whole video:)

and now I feel the need to watch Love movie again

Does it bother you that we are not real?

Quantum mechanics does not make any sense

the more I read books on quantum mechanics and string theory the more I think: did you actually build whole physics on it???

because it does not make any sense

whole physics is based on assumptions and suggestions, that everything consists of particles

or strings

and every "proven" theory and nature law is part of this parade of lies

okay, I'm overreacting, but really, it just does not make aaaany sense, when you think about it long enough

I am not saying that smart scientists wasted their whole life on nothing, just because one Estonian girl had not found any sense in their works, not at all

but you know

there are people, who are absolutely sure, that they see ghosts and can write whole book about it

a little bit more sense I found in string theory, but I think for some reasons, scientist are too afraid to push it to another level



and more realistic

I told you, I was always afraid that one day I will become insane

thinking, that basics of physics are wrong is definitely a step in that direction

but once Copernicus and Kepler were taken as mad scientists for their theories

I'm willing to take that chance

and dig a little big deeper in the physics

because current physics does not satisfy my needs


Three more pills

I am on antibiotics now

because when my tooth hurts, it hurts big

dentist made me two teeth opened, cleaned and closed, but the mind blowing toothache had not gone missing, but stayed the same

she made I don't even know how many x-rays of my teeth and said, that those are perfectly fine

but when you can not really swallow anything, thats when you know, well, something must be wrong, indeed


she prescribed me antibiotics to do at least something to remove the pain

and it worked, I do not feel pain anymore, but I'm constantly dizzy and sometimes, when I close my eyes, I feel like if the whole world spins around and I'm not

that is not a good condition to drive the car, but I had no choice

three more pills means one whole day, but I do not know, that spinning feeling become way too strong

overreacting is the base point of me

everything revolves around it

if I have pains, I have it big

if I have anything good, I have it big

like, dear body, can you stop overreacting and not being painful all the freaking time?

Friday, May 23, 2014

That Day

I like that song a lot:)

I have several days like that, I do not remember the exact dates, though, but I do remember those days, when your attitude to specific person change and you remember every single thing of that moment and you no longer can do anything to bring any old feelings back

it is like the almighty brain crosses that person out of your future

I used to have graveyard in my brain, with all of those people, but now there is amusement park of things I do not understand

and there is no place for sadness

only endless desire to understand, why I'm that given set of particles, what holds them together and why can't I replace the broken ones with the new ones

it just bugs my mind

no time for regretting the past, when you have mystery to solve

but nevertheless, besides those days, when something died inside of me when talking about specific people, I had the worst day as well

That day

when you die inside

not because of somebody, but because you are just too tired to live

and nothing changed since that day, I wanna shoot my brains every single day, eeeeeeevery siiiiingle daaaaay

but unless I understand how do I keep my body the way it is, I won't be changing it with the hole in my head:)

I'm too excited about particles now

maybe a little bit too excited

Lip augmentation

I'm not a cave man, but I had never really seen enlarged lips before, you know, the obvious ones, that live their own life on the face of the owner

today I saw it

I don't get it, it looks way too artificial

may be the injected lips are more soft to kiss or do other intimate things, I don't know about that, but it looks so weird

and I start questioning the confidence of the owner of those lips

she was constantly talking to her friend asking whether she thinks THAT guy will call her or not and other girl talk

I don't mind cosmetic surgeries or injections, not at all, especially when it helps you improving some serious problems

but lip augmentation to the size of a balloon is definitely not one of them

I'm not a old whining lady yet, but I will be reeeeally angry if my daughter comes to me with those injected lips, thats like a bitch slap to parents, apparently we were not able to create something beautiful and had not been able to make our daughter feel good about herself, no matter how thin her lips are

I'm glad all my girlfriends are smart and confident enough not to do that:)

and I'm sorry for those who do those procedures, I hope you will feel better after that, but you should probably go to the psychiatrist before you go to plastic surgeon, just to make sure, it is not in your brain

Big Bang

sometimes you just need some song that makes you wanna dance


wanna wear some cute dress and watch dirty dancing again:)

or I'm just into whistling songs:)

Thursday, May 22, 2014

It was your birthday

several days ago

I remember ir, but after years of super mega awesome ideas for birthday gifts I had not been able to even write a text message

not even Happy birthday!

just because I lost that inspiring being in love feeling

and that it awesome for me:)

cutting off the last tiny connections

Sunday, May 18, 2014

61 questions

in 7 minutes

in Estonian language

with medical expressions

and I still passed it:)

I was running late to my first aid course and when I finally got there, they were already finishing the test, so I took the test and in 7 minutes I answered 61 questions (multiply choice quest) and I did not even understood all of the questions or even read some of it til the end

I was the only Russian speaking in the group and when she started checking the tests and calling names saying: you did not pass, you may leave the room now, and you and you and you"

there were like 5-7 men who left and they were Estonians and they had more time than me and I was sitting there, thinking without any doubt: I surely passed that test

and indeed I did


made some mistakes, but with the time that I had I must be proud of me

and it does not matter that I still had not passed driving test (I don't know how many times I already had done it) and it does not matter that I cry after every lesson, because I do not understand why I can't drive, I do not understand what I do wrong and why do I fail so many times

I got tired of instructor screaming at me every single time and talking to me, like if I am the most stupid person in the world

I am losing my job and I still can't drive

I cried my eyes out, because I can't accept my failure and I suppose because of that stress I feel like a blind person, and my super HD glasses, that used to scare me with it sharpness now let me barely see the road signs and I am a little bit afraid, that I am indeed will be blind soon

but that's okay, I answered 61 first aid questions in 7 minutes and at least I know how to save a life

the rest I will solve as well

maybe it is the right time to move more to the north, if I lose my job in Finland anyway

you don't need cars in the northern part of Norway, don't you?

I'm not gonna be a princess

any time soon

Prince Harry (yes, that red hair charming army man) was in Tallinn and I got to know about it from the news

I was at the dentist that day, and in the evening I got to know that Harry was at the same time like 500m away

I am always late, and I was too late to get that information

but well

nothing to complain about

my fault:)

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

What the hell is wrong with you people?

sometimes I get scared of people

I do not understand a lot of things

for example that internet company "Shave your beard, because you don't want to look like Conchita"

and I'm not kidding

people actually do that

and those mean comments

not about the voice

not about the song

nope, about the way she looks

you can actually feel the hate of those people and that forces you thinking, how bad your life must be, if you have so much hate in you

she is not a criminal, but I'm sure she was the most hated person in Europe right after Eurovision, just because she decided to look like this:

I'm sorry, but she has an amazing voice, which can not be said about most of women this year, and since this is, indeed, a song contest, she deserved the win

I, personally, did not like the song, but that's because I don't like James Bond kind of songs

for those haters, I should say, she has more balls than you, hater boys, for standing for what she is believing in, and she has more elegance and feminine in her, than you, hate girls, for the way she looks and acts, while you writing mean stories about her, saying that the world is gonna end now and tolerance in Europe reached its limit and there will be some freaking holy war soon etc etc

I am not tolerant and I'm not hiding it

I may be a little bit racist and a little bit nazi, but I don't like people for their actions, not their looks

I don't like most of the Africans for their unreasonable desire to multiply, when they have nothing to eat for themselves

I do not like most of the Muslims, because they are so religious, that they don't think that killing people who does not believe in their god is a crime

I do not like most of the people for their actions, but I never hated anybody for the way he or she looks

it just does not make any sense for me, okay, I don't like Muslims, because it is possible, that they will do some stupid thing, that may kill me, but how Conchita can hurt you?

are you afraid, that her beard will come to you and eat you alive while you sleep?

are you jealous, that her beard looks better than yours?

are you scared of her long legs?

I just don't understand, how the way somebody looks can cause so much hate

what the hell is wrong with you people

Conchita, I did not like your song, but I applaud you for your bravery and your amazing voice

as for me, my top three was Malta, Slovenia and Armenia

and Malta and Slovenia are already in my phone:)

the beginning is boring as hell, but jump to 01:50 part and enjoy the beauty of his voice:

I love Eurovision

Saturday, May 10, 2014

I'm not ashamed of the fact that I watch Eurovision every year

not at all

and somehow my favorite song this year is from Malta, like it was last year too

I still listen to "tomorrow" in my phone

provides sunshine even in the most depressive days:)

this year it is not so happy, but I guess I just love the sound of Maltese music

I did not like the live performance that much, but I really like the song

I have simple soul, that likes interesting songs, and that song is very interesting, not to mention lovely meaning

I did not like the female vocals, though, creates distraction from the lyrics and that solo part of her is just like a bitch slap to your ears, but nevertheless, I like that song

the song, that I loooooved live was the Slovenian one

Tinkara surely knows how to sing and I like her live performance way more than the official version recorded in studio

yeah, it is that time of the year, when you are watching hockey championship and Eurovision at the same time without feeling guilty:)

It bothers me

it bites me


there is way too much good music in the world:)

I recommend you this song, even though I usually would classify it like electro crap with female vocals

I looooooove it, especially the very beginning and that rap part

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Good news for us, girls

Prince Harry is single again!!!


that is always good to know