Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy endings

Yesterday I realized there is no such thing as happy ending

because there is also no such thing as ending

every event in your life continues until you are dead

you may solve some problem and say it has some happy ending, but it is not true, because it continues only in different form

and there is definitely no fairy tale happy endings

somebody can't get the person he/she loves

somebody can't kill the person who took something important from him/her

not a single person gets whatever he/she wants

and you may put a happy smile on your face pretending world is perfect and you will have some fairy tale happy ending

you may do that

but it won't change the fact

there is no such thing as happy ending

except for death

death is the only ending

and if to think about it, then the most happiest people on planet Earth are suicidal people, who can choose their own ending and may be that would be their happy ending

I never felt sorry for those people, I always had been a little bit jealous

I do not force you go killing yourself, on the contrary, try to assure me, that there are happy endings

because right now I really need one

Saturday, March 30, 2013


My old good PC is dying

I can not boot it, because it instantly restarts (restart button is on its place, I checked it), I wiped the dust out of coolers, I checked capacitors, none of them are bulging

and I still have that infinite loop of restarting :)

whaaaat the eeeeffff

I need some IT guy in my life

well, I had one :) the man I liked was pretty good with computers, but well, Google almighty may help too

my niece already joked, that the glass of my coca cola is bigger than the netbook I'm currently using :))

my Enthernet connection for some reason does not work on my netbook either, so I have to solve that problem as well

I tried to reset bios, that didn't work 

from the almighty google I learned, that the problem is probably in hard drive, it must be dead

but now I assume that it is working, because I can see it using command prompt

I found the very difficult way to copy files from internal hard drive via command prompt, but it is hard for me:)

cooooome ooooon

whats next, mobile?


Thursday, March 28, 2013

I'm not a gamer

but still play some games:)

today I saw this picture on 9gag:

and I did that too!!!


but I played those new versions of GTA only several times, because I did not like it, I'm die hard GTA 2 fan:) Play Station 1 GTA 2 fan:) the oldest school:)))

remember that game?

I still play it when I have opportunity:)

all of those tanks, limos, firetrucks etc

and at some point you do try driving safely:) oooooh, how many hours I spent playing that game:) and I had no idea, that people use some cheat codes, like why do you need them, enjoy the game:)

I was not a very good player back then:) it took me months to understand, that there is a save point at every location:))) I didn't know that and played every time hours to try to reach the needed result:))) and I still don't use those save points:)) but at least now I know they exist:)

Right now I'm playing some old game that I found on my shelf, I guess one of my sisters took it, I have no idea who and why:) the game is Titan Quest

it is old action RPG game, but I love it

got stuck in epic level with Megalesios the Telkine

that damned piece of stone always kills me, now I just got new equipment and will try to kill that telkine once again:)

and that is basically all the games I play:)

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Thirty seconds to Mars

guess who is baaaaack?

like d'oh

Thirty seconds to Mars, obviously :)

I'm not a fan of this song, but somehow I listen to it for the fifth straight time already:)


put something cosmic and you have my attention :)

our planet is indeed beautiful


take no more

take no more

I'll take no moooooooooooore :)


Monday, March 25, 2013

Heard an old song on the radio

and I still know every word of it:

and you are not real Linkin Park fan if you hadn't at least once tried to scream "Come on" on the full voice and silently every single time you hear that song

the song that blows you up from the inside

with yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou


good to know, that after all of those years I still love that song:)

I should find my old Linkin Park cd's in the closet:)

and I should really go to their concert

Identity crisis

feel like I'm slowly going insane

my head is complete mess and learning Finnish language doesn't help much

basically I am thinking on 4 languages


when I'm walking into room I'm starting naming every item in the room in Finnish language, while thinking about something in Estonian and singing some song in English mixing with Russian sentences

I'm not even gonna try to explain what is happening when I'm going to sleep

it is like constant white noise with clearly defined sentences in four languages

what I heard may be year ago or one hour ago

and it is boiling in my head

slowly turning me into insane person

I should try meditation to clear my head

because that is not normal

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Monday, March 18, 2013

My new dancing song

I love it I love it  I love it I love it

*I absolutely do not like the lyrics, but I just love the way that song forces you to dance :)

I do not trust religious people

at all

I think every religion was made to cover your own mistakes

to put responsibility to god figure

and when I hear, that some of the people I know are religious I instantly assume they are unstable, that okay, so, you are not sure of yourself?

imagine a killer

religious one and atheist one

what would religious killer do? after getting caught he will tell that god is all forgiving, he will pray and he will get forgiveness and if that happens that victim's family is religious too, then there will be no problem, because God took her to the better place for a reason

if would be like two-faced killer kills some girl and two faced family tells that happened for a reason

what the eff

the killer that is atheist would say, that he killed her because he wanted to and for the rest of his life he will suffer for that, because he will not be praying to all forgiving god, but rather slowly dying inside knowing he did something terrible

and the family of that girl will do every possible thing to make his life even worse

therefore I don't trust religious people

how can you trust somebody, who needs somebody to tell him/her what is wrong and what is right, don't you have that ability to understand that without church or god or everything?

is not it like the whole point of living, to build that safe environment for yourself?

but you are not sure whether are you capable of doing that or not and therefore you use the help of religion

I don't need to live under the pressure of gods will to punish bad people, because I already know, that I am completely responsible for my every action

not my family

not my friends

not the people I know

not religion

just me

and it makes me sad, that people decide to put that responsibility to somebody else


you know

everything is happening according to gods will

start thinking already!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

When I get my car

note the word I used - "when", not "if", still am trying to get the license


when I get my car, one of the most listened car songs will be this one:

And I always dreamed of classic cars and movie screens
And tryin' to find some way to be redeemed
Bring a dollar with you, baby
In the cold, cold ground
the acoustic version is probably even better:)

You know you are good

when you get "Tosi hyvä työ" in the end of your paper

the problems that I have is that I sometimes forget to double some letters and forget to put dots

there is just too many dotted letters in one word:)

but I'm awesome nevertheless :)

Saturday, March 16, 2013

I just can't get enough of them

and by them I mean The gaslight anthem


I didn't like the song, when I heard it for the first time

but today, while going home by bus I was listening it in my phone and when you sit motionless listening to this song, the meaning of it comes to you and you fall in love with it

therefore, if you don't like it from the first time, try again, just shut your eyes and try to feel it

it is worth it

My life is a complete mess

I need to put it back on track

no diploma this year,

but I will write the best diploma of the university next year

no work now,

but I won't be tired when I move to Finland

no good knowledge of Finnish,

but I already know 1000 +/- 50 words (yeeeees, thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat many)

no boyfriend,

but at least nobody is lying to me

no bright defined future,

but at least I have a future


everything is not thaaaaaat bad:)

I am just in urgent need of new Estonian walking buddy, because I am not using Estonian language as much as I did before

any volunteers?

Friday, March 15, 2013

I love the way he pronounces it

while staring at my own beautiful gray eyes it came to my mind, hey I hadn't seen the man with the most beautiful cold eyes in a while

Kimi, of course:)

I have no idea


love it

Guess who is curly again?

this is not a trick question

me, obviously:)))

I'm the master of painting background black, don't I, don't I???

but hey, at least I use old good brush of black paint:) I have no nerves to use other functions

and look at me, I reflect direct sunlight like a snow, why would I use something else:)

and yes, I'm proud to be white

I love being curly:)

Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Gaslight Anthem and Rick Nash

I can't help it, but after listening to The Gaslight Anthem - Biloxi Parish

this part got stuck in my head:

And all of our heroes were failures or ghosts
Burned out in brilliant explosions alone

I'm not lying, but now, every time I see Rick Nash I look at him and see sparkling brilliant body, that is about to explode into million little brilliants

our hero, that was failure

Hotmail, noooooooooo

I know, that I'm probably the last person in Estonia using hotmail, but still, I loved it from the very beginning

until today

like what the hell

one moment it was old good hotmail, the next moment new ugly outlook

and they didn't even ask me or give me any notification letter, that "Dear Jana, we love you as much as you love us, but due to some technical issues we are no longer supporting hotmail service and we are very sorry, but we have to force you using outlook from tomorrow"

that would be nice

but nooooooo

came out of nowhere and today I spent hell of a lot of time trying at least to make it look more comfortable

hadn't changed much and why the hell would you add auto sign-in option to web messenger WITHOUT being able to sing out of it, was it like too hard to do that (or leave it as it was before), because now even when you just wanna check your e-mail you automatically sign in into messenger and if you wanna remain polite, you have to answer to the people who write you, that sorry, I'm busy

like coooooome ooooooooon

I already receive messages from the future, because of some problems with time zones and winter time, I checked everything in the settings and all the numbers are right and I still receive letters based on summer time

I love you, I really do

but after that outlook switch and messenger crap I'm starting to think, that may be you don't want me and I should change you

sometimes loving something is not enough

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Passive agressive songs I love

The post of "ooooooh" moment

I don't like reading books about love

neither do I like watching love movies

because all that is fictional piece of lies

that never happens in real life

but today I was reading Glamour British march issue (yes, I read those kind of magazines) and read little wonderful stories that filled those missing parts in my brain in understanding relationships

here are my favorite parts (you should definitely purchase that issue):

And it was not him, it was not the face. It was that I couldn't get comfortable around him. Did he make me feel secure? No, probably not.
and another one:

It's amazing how much passion can be inspired by someone vaguely not wanting you back.  I was in a relationship with just such a vaguely uninterested man at a crucial time in my life (...) But the pain of that break-up stayed with me. It makes me want to put an arm around the broken hearted and say, "It's rotten." But it will get better. I promise it will, as long as you let go of Mr Ambivalent and start the search for the person who will love you back. 
the last part, that I put in bold shocked me

it was so easy, so simple and so right

seriously, I heard a sound of a falling blade of my mental guillotine and it cut the man I loved from the unrealistic plans that I had

now I have unbearable silence in my head, but hey, that's the time for regrowing rotten heart, is not it?

and that is how a small article in a popular magazine can change your life

no more Mr Ambivalent

"kinda like you" is no longer an option


And the question is

to watch or not to watch?

I love Psych, but I still have that irrational fear of yetis

I guess watching that would probably be good gor me, because obviously, there will be no yeti for real and may be that will decrease that level of fear for me

like why the hell am I still afraid of yetis?

Monday, March 11, 2013

What a voice

I am just melting down

For those about to rock




do not think, that I'm not watching hockey:)

I do, but like every fan, I was afraid to scare the luck off


so I had not wrote anything about that:)

the last two games with Detroit I was watching live (in the Internet, of course) and I think I will have some gray hair pretty soon, that many nerves were killed those nights:)

but at least now every one knows, that we are not the worst team in the world:)

suck it, rick

and we do not have one bright star, nay, our whole team is equally amazing:)

I'm sad because of Mason, though, with the game like Bob shows, he probably won't get much game time now :(

but hey, we won five games and Bobrovsky named NHL's First Star of the Week of Mar. 4-10 and that is huge:)

Sergei Bobrovsky #72 of the Columbus Blue Jackets steps onto the ice for warm-ups before an NHL game against the Detroit Red Wings at Joe Louis Arena on March 10, 2013 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Dave Reginek/NHLI via Getty Images)

Sergei Bobrovsky #72 of the Columbus Blue Jackets celebrates a 3-2 shoot-out victory with teammate Ryan Johansen #19 after an NHL game against the Detroit Red Wings at Joe Louis Arena on March 10, 2013 in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Dave Reginek/NHLI via Getty Images)

and I cried, when I heard the ovation, that Ohio fans gave to Columbus when the game with Detroit in Ohio was ending with the 3:0 win

felt like if I had been there too :)

Columbus Blue Jackets, we love you!


Rapist and killer and the man I worked with

today I was reading newspaper and noticed small article about serial rapist and not yet confirmed killer

usual stuff, but that was the man I worked with on one road construction

I knew that he was serial rapist since half year ago I read another article and I actually saw it in the news, that police was looking for him

that time I was shocked, because I was the only woman working on that road construction and nobody told me, that he already was arrested years ago for raping some young girl

don't you do some sort of a criminal record check when you hire somebody?

and now he is in jail for another rape and police suspects him for killing one underage (17) girl

I'm sort of confused, I worked with him and I had never noticed anything suspicious about him (except for his tattoos, I knew the meaning of some of them, but I thought, well, may be he just liked the picture, without knowing what does it mean in criminal world)

therefore I make it as an official statement: I know nothing about people and I can't tell who is good and who is bad

but hey, at least he was not a surveyor

because surveyors are just too awesome to do something bad :)

I just wanted to tell you, that be careful with people you are working with

some of them may be killers

*I won't post his name, because I really hope, that that dumb ass dies in the jail without being mentioned in the history (I know, he is already in the newspapers, but I just won't be helping with that)

Endless cycle of stupidity

that is how I can name my current emotional condition

same man

same feelings

same shit

only that now I don't see him in my future, us as a family


but somehow somewhat I want him just in this specific part of my life

but the story will always be the same, I like him, he kinda likes me, but not in that way


I even counted in my mind possibilities of dating him and the result as my cold mind told me is extremely close to the zero:)

yeap, science bitch:)

I just wish I got attached to somebody else

he is not even thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat special, but I somehow stuck just on him

but that's perfectly fine, I'm definitely going to move to Finland and in the land of beautiful handsome white men there will be no time to think about "what if" crap:)

I do not feel hurt this time though

not at all

just confused, like my mind tells me: "Jana, you little piece of awesomeness, I gave you the possible results of probably every alternative reality with every possibility (including him falling in love with me and me turning into dinosaur) and there is no freaking way you are going to be together, and face it, you don't like him that much now too, why the hell do you still thinking about it"

the answer is easy - I'm in my endless cycle of stupidity and I can't break it yet

but hey, I got over rick nash and I will surely get over the man I used to love too:)

and I love Gaslight Anthem:)))

And I dance with your ghost. But that ain’t the way…
I can’t move on and I can’t stay the same.

And all my friends say…

Hey, turn the record over.
Hey, I’ll see you on the flip side.
There you go, turn the key and engine over…
Let her go, let somebody else lay at her feet.”

Saturday, March 9, 2013

After Earth Trailer 2

The only movie I'm waiting for:

and I love M. Night Shyamalan for doing those funny things with my brain


You confuse courage with recklessness

and one of my favorite lines of all the movies ever made:

Danger is very real, but fear is a choice

I don't like people who are constantly asking for help

don't get me wrong

I don't mind when people need help with some problem

everybody need help at some point of life

but I just can't stand those ones, who are asking for help on a daily basis

with every little single thing

there is probably some special category of people, who can't decide probably anything in their own life

who constantly need help for living their lives

I don't get it

it seems like if you are not happy with your life, but you are too scared to change anything

but why do I have to be responsible for your problems?

my oldest sister knows, that I'm her the very last option, if she for some reason needs somebody to watch over her kids, I'm not rude, but nobody forced you to give birth to them, and after two times in a row, she probably read from my face, that I won't be doing that anymore

I'm definitely the worst sister ever

but well

they all know, that if they reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally need help from me, I will help, but without joy and happiness

I stopped being kind, when people started using me



is baaaaaaack!!!

the coroner guy is still awesome:)

We Did It When We Were Young

I'm slowly dissolving into this song:

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Gorgeous Kate

I love her


The day I see this live will be the day I die:

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Greenland seal

I'm ready

I'm feeling like I'm ready to move out and work in Finland on permanent basis

learning Finnish helps a lot

now I look for familiar words on every product I buy or even on my poster from Rise Against concert, now I know what perjantai and maaliskuu mean:)

I ditched my diploma and will finish it next year

I guess I am just too tired to study

except for Finnish language:)

therefore, according to my plan, in two/three months I will be working in Finland

in the land of beautiful white men and hockey:)

Monday, March 4, 2013

Every fan has his own ritual of celebrating the win game

I have mine too now


it is new, but by far it is working

after every win game I buy a lottery ticket

you know, the fast lottery one, when you have to scratch the silver thing off

and 2 times of 3 that worked

I knew why one time it was not true, because I changed the winning ticket from the previous game to the new one and I hadn't won that time

so I updated my ritual with one line: always buy A NEW lottery ticket after the winning game, do not use the ticket from previous time


Dear Columbus Blue Jackets, I need more wins from you to test my theory!


For those about to rock!




2:1 OT

we wooooooooooon!!!!


and this game was in very suitable time, so I didn't have to stay awake until 3 AM

and I love it

because Columbus is my team and I looooooooooooooooooooooove the way they play:)

but I wrote about that so many times, that instead of writing  it again, here are some photos:

Cody McLeod #55 of the Colorado Avalanche and Dalton Prout #47 of the Columbus Blue Jackets fall to the ice during a fight in the second period on March 3, 2013 at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. (Photo by Kirk Irwin/Getty Images)

Mr Big Smile:

Vinny Prospal #22 of the Columbus Blue Jackets is congratulated by his teammates after scoring a goal during the third period against the Colorado Avalanche on March 3, 2013 at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. Columbus defeated Colorado 2-1 in overtime. (Photo by Kirk Irwin/Getty Images)

and sometimes players look like superheroes from comic books, just look at Tim:

Sergei Bobrovsky #72 of the Columbus Blue Jackets makes a save as Tim Erixon #20 of the Columbus Blue Jackets pressures Paul Stastny #26 of the Colorado Avalanche during the third period on March 3, 2013 at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. Columbus defeated Colorado 2-1 in overtime.

lovely photo:

Artem Anisimov #42 of the Columbus Blue Jackets celebrates his game-winning power play goal in overtime against the Colorado Avalanche with teammate Tim Erixon #20 of the Columbus Blue Jackets on March 3, 2013 at Nationwide Arena in Columbus, Ohio. Columbus defeated Colorado 2-1 in overtime. (Photo by Jamie Sabau/NHLI via Getty Images)

Sunday, March 3, 2013


I hadn't even reached the end of the sentence, when I started to sing the song:)

the one that in the Rock

the Rise Against one:)))

as far as I know, the rest of the genres are simply made up lines

I would not say, that Rise against is rock, though

but neither would I say that the metal line suits for every metal division

so in general this picture is right:)

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Russian biathlon


this is awkward, but remember how many times I told you, that Russian athletes are doping whores and should not be allowed to participate in any sports, especially in the biathlon



he is just too handsome to hate him

meet Dmitry Malyshko

the only Russian biathlon athlete I don't hate

the only Russian biathlon athlete I don't say "MISS, YOU DOPING WHORE!!!!" when I see him shooting :)))

I don't say anything, I am just enjoying the view:)))

Friday, March 1, 2013

Simon Baker

how can you not be in love with that charming man?

I like the video much more than print ad, but it is not that bad as well