Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Two Black Cadillacs

I have a crush on Carrie Underwood

I loooove her look, her songs and her voice


I do understand, though, that it is not her natural hair color and that eyes without heavy make up won't be so piercing

nevertheless I love that girl


in few years I will be somebody like her

proud, heartless and angry beautiful woman


but I won't dye my hair

or may be I will


I do not really understand why the hell did those girls kill the man

like come on, it is not worth living with those memories of a dead man just because he cheated

I have the soul of a killer, I know, that I can kill somebody who did something reeeeally bad to my family

but, girls, cheating husband is definitely not that case


Monday, January 28, 2013


I'm a big fan of Angels and Airwaves

and I'm not a big fan of remixes

but I have to admit, that Surrender remix stole my heart

I love the original song, but think that something is missing:

something is just not enough

and remix filled that emptiness:

Saturday, January 26, 2013


it is not a blog about handsome men, but I'm not in the right mood to write about my trip to Helsinki or the fact that Columbus Blue Jackets had great start and now are going back to being hopeless or the fact that our family is falling apart

maybe tomorrow

and today instead of that, here are some new pictures of gorgeous Leonardo:

*I'm taking the Finnish language lessons now

Friday, January 25, 2013


I like that man

Friday, January 18, 2013

The good old hockey game

it is the right time for the right song!


Happy New Season to us!!!

Espoo public transport


apparently the Barona Areena is in the middle of nowhere

and by saying that I mean in the middle of nowhere if you are going by train

as smart ass planner told me, I have to change two buses after the train to get there and it would take me approximately 40 minutes

I am starting to think that may be it would be more logical to get there by bus straight from Helsinki

but I looooooove traaaaaaaaaaaains

my ship arrives at 13:00

the game is at 18:00

I talked to the hostel people and they told me that I may check in after the game

so basically, I have 5 hours until the game starts

30 minutes I will spend annoying Tourist information office's people with billions of questions about which way should I go to Espoo and if I buy two zone ticket will it be valid in Espoo trains (it seems to me, that yes, but I need to be sure, may be it would be cheaper for me to get a student train ticket, but then again I will have to use two busses there and back, so it seems to me that two zone ticket is way more reasonable)

lets say my train departure time is 14:00, then at 14:30 I will be in Espoo

again finding the tourist information office and grabbing public transport maps it would be 15:00

I guess I should take a train, only to enjoy those little trips and may be after the game I will take a bus straight back to Helsinki

but because I will get two day ticket, I am planning to get back to Espoo, to look closely at it and then back to Helsinki to finally take that Suomenlinna ferry ride:) I didn't know that I won't have to pay for the ticket if I have the valid HSL ticket

those are my plans:)

need to find where Eckerö Line harbor is in Helsinki to get back home


aaaand if I miss my ship, then I can take Viking Line


you know

always have a plan B!




Thursday, January 17, 2013

What color are you?

Although I prefer wearing black and looking at blue things, I think my inner color is silver

it is not like the name's colors or aura's colors

or the color you like

it is more like the color you are

and not based on some test, but on your own feelings

when I get angry and defensive I feel like if the silver knifes are coming out of my spine

when I am happy, I feel like if my bones are made of silver and it is shining out

and it is not metallic gray, but soft silver

I don't know

I may not be the most normal person on planet Earth, but at least I am never bored :)


what color are you?

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Ready to go

bought tickets to the ships and booked a hostel

decided to stay true to Stadium hostel, mainly because they have rooms for women and men, not like mixed rooms in the majority

I absolutely forgot how to get there, but I remember there was a tram stop:)))

as for the ships, one Tallink and one Eckerö line, and the prices surprised me a bit

Tallink - 29eur

Eckerö - 15eur (säästukaart gives you a pretty good discount of 4 eur)

so my way there costs twice as my way back:)

now I have to find the location of the hockey arena and decide whether I wanna go by train (I looooooooooooooooove trains) or by bus

or maybe both:)

should find the prices for public transport

and public transport:)



Zero tolerance

I love this song:

but I will never support any of those "Women in rehabilitation after being sex slaves" kind of things

not even with one cent

I have zero tolerance for any kind of addicts or people with victim attitude

I do not understand why any of us should help them

that's the choice of free will

YOU decided to take drugs, YOU decided to drink, YOU decided to be a victim and YOU don't do anything to change something

but I don't hate those people, not at all

I think that if you feel comfortable selling your own body for money, that's your choice and you can do that, I will never be mean to you and I will never avoid talking to you, but the day you will go to that sort of safe house for whores I will change my attitude into zero tolerance and I will treat you like you are whore in the very bad meaning of that word (with no respect or support whatsoever)

I never had understood women who live with alcoholics and who are crying all their lives about how badly they live

it was your own choice to live like that and you may think off billions of reasons about why you can't live the alcoholic, but the simple answer is "you just want to suffer and be a victim"

be proud of who you are and what you do, even if you decided to be a whore and you will always have mu respect and support



don't get me wrong, I love my name Jana, but somehow I looooooove when people call me Yani

I don't even remember where did that name come from, what I know, that name is for men, not women and still I love it


I have an old friend, who calls me that quite often, not Yani, but more like Yaaaaaniiiiiiiii

close friends have my permission to call me that



Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Not another depressive song

it is old, but still good:

and you just wanna jump with it


take my haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand tonight

if you had seen me in the past couple of days, then probably I looked like retarded person, a little bit way too smiley

because I downloaded this song on my phone

and I know I gave it a week ago but I am going to do that again, because even if you feel like crap, that song will make you smile

especially 01:54 - 2:25

Perfect job

I decided to take hunting my future job very seriously

and because I love when everything is categorized  and organized in some system, I divided my possible future jobs:

  • Dream jobs, that I most likely won't ever get, but nevertheless I still have big dreams about it
  1. Astronaut (not healthy enough for now)
  2. Glaciologist (not healthy enough, but the chances to get that job are still a little bit higher than to become an astronaut)
  3. Astrophysicist (not smart enough and not educated for that yet, but the distant education becomes more accessible, so there is still a possibility)
  4. Investigator (I would loooooove to work in the police, because I can suggest multiply ways of one event and find the ends of one story, but I am not very comfortable with dead bodies)

  • Dream jobs, that I may have when I will earn enough money, but not now
  1. Hockey coach (yeap, still wanna have my own team)
  2. Book store owner (my little comfy piece of fantasy explosion)
  3. Biathlon athlete (can't afford the skies and the gun now and aging too fast, but still, may happen)
  4. Curling team coach and member (yeah, one day I will get my own family team of curling when I will be able to pay for everything)  
  5. Private investigator (do not have enough money to get all the licenses and equipment)

  • Dream jobs I can have, but something don't let me (by something I mean mostly driver's license absence)
  1. Environmental inspector (I still am going to apply for that job, but most likely won't get that because I can't drive and I'm going to the doctor agaaaaaaaaain to make it absolutely clear why I can't have it)
  2. Surveyor (same crap with license)
  3. Radioactive waste operator (lack of knowledge of Finnish language, no experience in that field and guess what? no license!)

  • Jobs I can have right now
  1. Surveyor's assistant
  2. Inspectorate assistant
  3. Pretty much all the jobs, where there is no need for driver's license and very specific knowledge)

  • Jobs with not defined specialty
  1. Somewhere in the harbor
  2. Somewhere in the wasteland
  3. Somewhere in some scientific lab

Those are my priorities

Now I will have to find the solution to get one of those jobs

Where do I go from here?

I hope in other Universes I will try all of them, but which one in this one?


Monday, January 14, 2013

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Too many people

know about this place now

not sure how should I react, to move or not to move

I do not write here anything I am not standing for and everything written here can be said to your face, but somehow it just doesn't feel right

well, like Scarlett O'Hara says:

I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.


I'm going to Finland!!!!!

to the hockey gaaaaaame!!!!!!

I'm never gonna get tired of saying that:)

thinking about going there with Tallink and back with Eckerö lines, because I had never used Eckerö and they just got the new ship

hello, city with unreadable maps and small city next to it:)

and I still had not booked a hostel

but may be I have to, because it is pretty cold on the streets to wander the whole night:)

see, that's why you need a back up person, who can call an ambulance if you freeze to close to dead condition :)

thinking about the same hostel I was the previous time with beautiful beds and incredibly ugly bathroom


I should probably look for something else because of that bathroom :)))

bit sad, that I won't see Mr Koivu, but well, happens:)

To Espoo!!!

Friday, January 11, 2013

Small update

noticed, that I hadn't updated my profile in a while, so I deleted all the story and change the photo to the most new one (taken yesterday)

it is dark, but well, I'm in a dark place now:)

and is it bad if I think, that the older I get the more beautiful I become?

that is like the opposite of what women should think

I guess I have the soul of an old women, thats why I love getting old


Why are you so easily offended?

I'm talking about religious people here

for me it is something like I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOU type of people when you try to explain that you don't believe in god (not with the capital letter)

I'm currently reading a book of Harry Harrison's (with the capital letters) short stories, and found this one: The Streets of Ashkelon

if you have some free time here is the link to that story to read online

I don't wanna give a short summary, because it is already really short story and I may ruin the pleasure of reading for you if I explain that

“Who created God?” Itin asked and the murmur ceased and every one of the Weskers watched Father Mark intensely. He recoiled a bit under the impact of their eyes, then smiled.

“Nothing created God, since He is the Creator. He always was—”

“If He always was in existence—why cannot the universe have always been in existence? Without having had a creator?”
“Would that the answers were that simple, my children. But even the scientists do not agree about the creation of the universe. While they doubt—we who have seen the light know. We can see the miracle of creation all about us. And how can there be a creation without a Creator? That is He, our Father, our God in Heaven. I know you have doubts and that is because you have souls and free will. Still the answer is simple. Have faith, that is all you need. Just believe.”

“How can we believe without proof?”

“If you cannot see that this world itself is proof of His existence, then I say to you that belief needs no proof—if you have faith!” 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

CBJ and look who is back

no, not Rick Nash


better: Steve Mason!!! why is he better than Rick? just watch this video:

see, an unstable goaltender who wants to play in the team is always better than good captain, who doesn't want to play in the team

but really, I am very glad to see, that Mason is, indeed, in good shape and doesn't look so chubby, I hope the words about him playing in the Summer are true and he will be our number one goaltender again

welcome back, Steve!!!

and yes, I still wanna see RJ as our new Captain:

when will we know?


And every single day

you wake up with the thought: oh, you are still alive

and every single day you wanna shot your brains out

and every single day you think: well, I may have not very healthy organism, I may have no man I truly love, I may have some overly moody personality, I may have not a single person I could call in midnight with a cry for help

but it is still worth living

and somewhere in another universe I am healthy and happy:)

I'm happy every day too, but that is more like forced happiness, because when you are running out of good things, you start loving the little ones (like that incredibly beautiful snow that we have today)

and today I will try to turn my reality into something different

more stable:)

dear people, just go and apply to some job in Antarctica while you can

caged in this sick body with no permission even to have freaking driver's license

I'm still gonna be a good example of a diabetic person, who was able to do everything she wanted

not to frighten little kids, who just recently got sick

it is not that bad

just a little bit too uncomfortable


John Frieda stole my hair

not like literally

but I got new shampoo (yeah, yeah, my hair obsession continues)

this one:

and I now declare openly: John Frieda company, I love you!


I restored my hair with their repair shampoo and now with this Root awakening little beauty I actually have hair:) not those few hair that I had, but the one that are pleasant to touch and look in the mirror with the comment, wooooooow, where did that volume came from:)

hair becomes really manageable when you use styling product too

so yeah

girls with long but thin hair, try it!

That awkward moment

when you talk all the time how much you hate electro crap and suddenly fall in love with one of those crap songs:

ironic, is not it? :)

I don't really like the whole song, but I looooove the beginning part and 01:51-02:40

but hey, I still think, that there is not a single handsome man in that kind of music, they all somehow look like junkies with dead eyes




Tuesday, January 8, 2013

No zombies


some songs are just impossible not lo love :)

it may seem like some overly attached man song, but I am somehow sure, that it is not :)

just some lovely song


Monday, January 7, 2013

Another indie crap song

that I love


It is almost over!!!

and by "it" I mean NHL lock out!

NEW YORK -- The National Hockey League and the National Hockey League Players' Association reached agreement on the framework of a new Collective Bargaining Agreement early Sunday morning.

if speaking the complete truth I'm not that over excited, mainly because I felt betrayed by the players, I still don't get it, why so much problems out of money?

you play because you love the game, not because you want the money

at least in my perfect world it is so

Additionally, these reports say the sides agreed on a salary cap of $64.3 for the 2013-14 season with the floor resting at $44 million. For this season, the cap will reportedly be at $70.2 million. To be able to meet the reduced cap number in 2013-14, each team will be allowed the option of two compliance buyouts before the start of that season, again according to reports. The buyout money reportedly does not count against the salary cap of the team buying out the player, rather it is counted against the players' share of hockey-related revenue.
I don't know, greedy whores play football, real men play hockey and all of those money talks is just too women-like bitching

it is good, that my team is not that rich:) and I want to believe they were not of those money complaining hookers, because, you know, Columbus Blue Jackets is just too awesome to care about that:)

and our captain left

yeeeah, Rick Nash was the reason I started watching hockey (yeah, yeah, big bear on the Olympics games with number 61)

I remember asking the only friend who watched hockey (from Russia) who he was and is he only playing in the Canadian team :))) she was my first hockey teacher:)

thank yooooou!!!

but we will get the new captain soon

Happy New Season!

*I'm still going to TPS Turku game 22th of January

Sunday, January 6, 2013

I don't even feel bad

and I am not ashamed to admit: I laughed like insane when I saw this picture:



Old songs that have new meanings

I'm scared to listen to any more old songs that I used to like


it is good, when you don't know the language, because every song is just a mix of fun words and easy music

like this one:

oooh, how I loved that song when I was a teen


and oooohhhhhh, how it is hard to listen now:) you know, when you understand the meaning

I guess I should stop doing that or I will be left with no old days music at all:)

but then I decided to try the songs, that were popular then, but that I had never loved

apparently I was stupid

like this gem:

I hated that song and I always switched channels when this song were on, but now I loooooove it

especially this line:

Illusion never changed
Into something real

 on the other hand, I still kinda like my favorite boys band:)

which is Five:


my favorite man was Scott, which is the one with strange hair (kinda spiky)

they were sooooooooooooooooooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute:

and even my favorite love song of those time still sounds pretty good:

okay, even today I like them:)))

Tim Burke and biathlon

well, another cutie pie in biathlon, that I discovered today:)

I knew he has been a good biathlon athlete for a while now, but I didn't know he is handsome as well:)

and it seems to me, that their whole team is full of good looking men


congratulations for 5th Place in Oberhof Relay!

and what is wrong with Svendsen,  coooooome ooooooooooon, we were meant to be first, but somehow got lost to Russia


but hooow goooood Ole Einar was yesterday and today?

the answer is super mega awesome:)

and Estonian team for the first time in the newest history was the little dark horse for the whole first exchange:)


Kauri Kõiv, congratulations!!!

one day we will win :)

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Naked people

I don't feel comfortable around naked people

not at like some naked people party:)))

nay I'm talking about for example public shower rooms, the ones that are used in the swimming pools and SPA

I just don't get it, why the hell do you have to be naked in the public shower? wear a swimsuit for evolution's sake!

and if you ask, but then how would I wash my body?

check your swimsuit, it is not completely water resistant and it stretches

I don't understand myself why do I feel so uncomfortable looking at somebody's stranger's naked body, but I do

and I think it must be a rule: if you can't be naked on the street, you should not be naked anywhere, besides your own apartment

Africans may be naked all the time, because it is simply too hot there to wear clothes, I don't mind then, but we live on the North, we must wear clothes

and I didn't get, when mothers change clothes in front of their children, and all of those "but I'm their mother, they sucked the milk out of me" is just weird, like, sooooo, thats why it is normal to be naked in front of your own child?

on the other hand I really don't get it, when girls scream "Boooooy, get out of our exercising room, we are in shorts here!!!" and that really happened, I still don't understand how shorts that you wear in the gym differ from the shorts that you wear when it is Summer, but apparently they do:))

and I don't mind when men don't wear shirts when it is extremely hot outside, as long as they can keep the distance from passing by people, not to touch them with their bare skin

I find it logical

but that is forbidden by law:)

basically, you can change your clothes in the women's changing room in front of your and others kids, but you are not allowed not to wear a shirt when it is hot outside

thaaaaaaat's cool


I don't love my body, but I like it and I love my legs, but I just ask you stop changing clothes in front of me, women in swimming pools


Dear Russian tourists

I have nothing against you, except for oooooooone liiiiitle tiiiiiiny question:

Have you heard about personal space???

Yesterday we went to our lovely Old Town to drink some tea and discovered, that there is Russian Russians invasion in our city:) literally, only Russian language was heard and only Russians were wandering with the maps

I think it is awesome, that Tallinn is so popular in this time of the year and we are glad to see you anytime you want to come, but for evolution's sake: we have plenty of space, there is absolutely no need to push people when you are passing by, that is extremely rude and irritating

may be in your big cities it is acceptable, but you are not at home, you are on the land with population total of 1 300 000 and 400 000 in the whole capital city, do you see where I am going? respect our need to have some space


that why I love when Finns ans Swedes are in town, they will pass you by on such a distance, that three of you can fit there, we do the same thing

we don't interact with stranger when we can not to:)

would you be so kind and just use our street's width just a little bit more accurate?

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Linkin Park

I loved them some time ago

my first favorite band back those days

but the last CD that I bought was Minutes to Midnight and after it, I skipped the last two albums, because I barely listened Minutes to Midnight more than two times

somehow they had lost my attention along their way filled with electro crap

I get it, you wanna experiment with the sound, but I just don't like the new sound that you created

I am old school LP fan

but I liked some of their newer songs

Castle of class is bit too one lined, but it sends me back to Crawling masterpiece

they were soooooooo yoooooooung


I would looooooooooooooove this song:

if it was not filled with those electro crap music

come on, guys, remember how guitars sound?

or drums?

or anything without being overdone in computer?

I really hope you do

The matter of time

Some days seem much longer than the others

especially when you are waiting for something

today is the endless day for me

it feels like if I am already awake for the whole week

and the day is not over yet:)

I am waiting for a letter, very important letter, the letter which will tell me if I would be able to work on nuclear power plant or not

but I already had another letter today, which told me, that I can still write a diploma

I looked something like this:
when I got it:)


but time is very interesting thing to discuss

mainly because there is no such thing as time, you can't see it, you can't feel it, you just may predict, that tomorrow will be the same, but if tomorrow our sun explodes, there will be no time for us, and if we were to be on a spaceship and stayed alive after the explosion, there will be no time for us, because basically the time is the distance, the distance that light has traveled and if there will be no visible light for us, then how would we know, what time it is? about the other stars that we may see, you obviously may see some light from them, but that would be the completely different time

so here is the question

is light moving slowly today, if I feel like this particular day lasts forever?

or is it just the matter of imagination?


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

No Wham!

I had not heard that Last Christmas song this winter!!!

not once!

Somehow was able not hearing it:)

I know it is one of the most popular songs, but I reeeeally hate it

I don't "don't like it" I literally hate it


and that is a little victory for me:)

"At least I am normal"

said the husband of one of my sisters to me



and we were not even arguing, nothing at all, he was dressing up after New Year and was waiting for my sister and right before they went away, he turned to me and said that

I don't mind being called weirdo, because I'm a weirdo, but the way he said it "at least I'm normal" was like if he said "you are the most fucked up person on planet Earth", I wasn't even talking to him that much at all

I would be lying if I say I was not shocked

mainly because I had never done anything not even bad, but just rude to him

and here you have Jana, have some fun :)

but that's okay

being normal is just the question of relativity, apparently my normality is not normal for him, but perfectly fine for me



what a picture:

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year!!!

it was all great:)

better than I expected

muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch better