Friday, November 30, 2012

I said no

You can't really control what you see in your dreams

well you can in some way, but only few of us have time for that:)

anyway, even when I said, that I moved on from the person I loved, my dreams always told me, that I was wrong

until last night:)

I saw in my dream that person and we were meant to be married next day, when he called me and ask me where am I, because he hadn't seen me in a while and he wanted to know,do I really love him and do i really wanna marry him

and I said no

I said NO

I don't love you and I don't wanna marry you and in fact, I already run away from you and this wedding

like whaaaaaaat


even in my dreams I was able to say no to him


and I'm happy:)

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Blues - TPS

I'm going to the game!!!!

Got the ticket!!!

January 22th :)

Gooooo, TPS!!!

Monday, November 26, 2012

I am going to Finland!!!


with Viking Line this time:)

and I really hope that one lovely addition to the trip would be ticket to Espoo-TPS hockey game




Sunday, November 25, 2012


His voice is way too weird and I love it:

Friday, November 23, 2012

Lovely music

I'm trying to avoid sad songs now, and I had found this lovely love song:

McFly - Love Is Easy

in the world full of broken hearts and club songs this one may seem too fluffy puffy, but I love it


this week I realized, that I am not sure, I wanna be in love anymore:)

I met a handsome boy on the street, and he took my phone number, we texted a bit, but I understood, that I'm not sure I wanna go through that hell again

at least not now

probably not ever:)

so as for now, I'm looking for a weird relationship with meeting not more than once a week, but with the promise of not seeing any girl besides me


I would like it that way, because as those handsome men sing: love is easy:)

What kind of a magic is it?

John Frieda's magic!

dear friends, the following post is for the girls only

or for men with long hair, but if you are a man with long hair, you should definitely get a short haircut:)

like, NOW!


but back to magic

For year or so I had a strange problem with my hair, it was perfectly fine except for one lock of hair, no matter what kind of hair products I used that freaking single lock was dry as a piece of  hay, and I might had beautiful hair right after the shower, but when it got dry, that evil lock would always be there

and I had to braid it or somehow style it differently

I tried possibly 80% of hair products available here (which were not tested on animals, so no L'oreal or Garnier crap)

I literally have at least 8 bottles of shampoo right now

and I buy every month a new one

this month it was John Frieda, I had not bought it before, because I was not sure it was not tested on animals, but because I was running out of available new shampoos, I looked in the Internet and was pleasantly surprised, that it is not animal tested, yaaaaay

when I first tried it, I was not shocked with the result, the evil lock was still there (I even started to think, may be I can somehow cut it off, without ruining the hair style)

but after the second use I found out, the evil lock was gone


thats right


and all those useless shampoos must be ashamed now:)

Here is the magic for hair:

John Frieda Full Repair

if you have evil lock, like I did, you should try it :)

but now I'm using it once a week, beause it makes my hair bit too oily for my taste

nevertheless, I love it!


now I'm looking for perfect lip balsam, I am not even gonna say how many I used and have many I have now (actually, I'm - 15, none of witch suits my needs)

Can anybody suggest something good?

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Biathlon is coming to town

not like literally, but on Eurosport :)

and not next month or next week, nope, take a note, THIS SUNDAY!


The one that will be in two days


at least now I can use my big TV:)

you go, Norway!

Blue Jackets

I'm wearing my Columbus scarf again

I like the thought, that in Estonia there are probably not more than 10 people, who know who Blue Jackets are

like some sort of elite club


and among those 10 people I'm probably the only fan

but that makes me even more awesome


to believe that the worst team in NHL can win Stanley Cup

because I do

I really do

I still have mixed feelings about our captain leaving the team, but I'm staying positive and repeat, we don't need a captain, who doesn't want to play with us despite the fact how awesome he can play

so, boo you, of course Nash, but we are not mad



and here is our mister Big Smile:

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Imagine Dragons

can't get enough of them

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


oh that sweet feeling

when you feel sorry for yourself

when you are sitting alone in your room and thinking "nobody loves me, nobody cares about me, I'm ill and I'm gonna die because of that, nobody understands me" and billion other things and then going over and over and over every little mistake that you've ever made

I did that

quite a lot

well, actually a looooooooooooooooot

a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot

but when I realized, that I am over being in love with my wrong man it somehow seemed all pointless

may be that is what happens when you chose the wrong man

you feel vulnerable and fragile and every little word hurts you

so, girls, I have a little advice for you, when you feel like shit, leave your current boyfriend, because obviously, something is not right with you being two together

look for the right one


and about feeling sorry for yourself

stop doing that, there is only two ways of solving the problem: you either can do something with that or you can not do anything with that

nobody loves you? how about you? when I'm starting feeling some doubts about myself I'm freezing my mind for a second and say to myself: hey, wait a second, I'm AWESOME!!!

like, yeah, I don't look like Arabian princess, but I'm awesome with my  awesome white skin:) and every little thing like that

and for the ill people like I am, stop putting black thoughts into your mind, you either live or you die, ignore the fact that you have shorter life, after all, you may hit by a bus tomorrow, I used to be afraid, that I'm going to lose my eyesight and thought, that I would kill myself if I lose a leg, but now I am sure, I will be just as fine as today, you can not change anything about that, you just can improve your quality of life, remember, the time you are spending on self-pity is the time of your shorter life you are wasting on the things you can't even change

I hate poor people, and when they are complaining about how they can't get any job, any food or anything at all, that is complete bullshit, you are just finding an excuse for not changing anything in your life and to have a perfect reason to self-pitying yourself

you can't change anything that was said and done before

anything at all

you can just correct your mistakes and try not to do that anymore, but the fact remains the same: you did it and it is done, you can't take it back

I still have my little break downs and I still send plenty of messages to people who made me feel like crap, but now not because I desperately want it, but because they are great, just not on that level that I need :)

but be careful, being all that confident can put you on a pedestal, when you feel you are all that 100% perfect

I have a solution for that kind of problem too

this line:
You think you're smart
You're not
helps me a lot :)

so try not to feel sorry for yourself and be brave enough to move on

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Some songs are very lovely

like this one:

and I'm still a little bit stuck

I think if I could erase the past, I probably would use that opportunity, to erase some people, some things, some thoughts, some conversations, something that make me feel weak today


but that's okaaaay

everything happens for a reason, after all

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Niccolo Paganini

was one hell of a strange person even after death


I am a book worm and I read almost everything I can read and today I read a short article about Niccolo Paganini and his death

Paganini died of internal haemorrhage before he could send for a priest. Based on these grounds, there was a wide rumour that, his body was denied a catholic burial in Genoa. It was only after four years appeal to the pope that his body was allowed to transport to Genoa though it still could not be buried. In 1876, he was finally laid to rest in a cemetery in Parma. In 1893 Paganini's grandson, Attila was advised by a violinist from Czech, František Ondøíèek to view his body. After a bizarre episode, his body was reinterred in a new cemetery in Parma in 1896.

in the article that I read there were those creepy stories about his body

that he was held on the ship foe 4 years, because the major of the city was too scared to let Niccolo body being buried in his town

but then the ship crew started to complain about the sad music and deep voice from the coffin

so when Paganini friend finally got his body, he buried him under his castle (wtf about burying people in the place you live?), but then servants of the friend started to complain about the music and the lights that came out of the grave

so he was buried again in another place

and when the son wanted to see the body, because he got complaints about that there is somebody alive in the coffin he organized the process of taking the body out and while the body was degraded, the face was almost like if it was person alive

I knoooooow

what kind of books I read


Friday, November 16, 2012


Today I learned that there is probably no way to say to some man "I think your beard is impossibly awesome and you should keep it" without looking weird

can somebody tell me any possible way to do that?


people need to here more compliments and I am willing to give them

but I don't wanna be a weirdo who tells "I like your beard/stubble" to a complete stranger

help me!


*but shave the neck for evolution's sake!

**and girls, if Victoria can kiss a bearded man, you can do it too!

like this one:

I am not a big fan of crowds

I don't like meeting with a lot of people at one time

I don't like big companies

I prefer one on one meetings

or a company of three, when I'm not comfortable to be alone with certain person

but that's cool

because I used to think I am completely antisocial and I don't want to interact with people at all

apparently it is not right:)

I am a good social person:)

and I loooooooooooove going to cafes just to drink a cup of tea and to talk about little things:)

such a comfy feeling:)

Things I don't understand

why do people enjoy melting the food down?

seriously, why do you love melted cheese?

that's just ewww

I don't know, may be its because I'm not that big fan of hot food, but I always took that melted cheese out from the bun

or potato

or anything covered in it:)

I love cheese

especially Valio Atleet Light

but if I put it in the oven then my love disappears

the only food I eat with melted cheese is pizza and only because you can't take that out of it:)

another melted thing is chocolate

I seriously don't get that love to melted chocolate on a fresh strawberry

I kinda love chocolate and I love strawberries, but why would you cover endless freshness of a berry with dead chocolate

it just don't come together


in addition of being moody jerk, I'm food idiot:)

same comes to pasta with spaghetti

I don't eat it since I was a child

I still don't understand why put something so red into so yellow, then mix it and in the end you will have something, that look like red worms and the taste of spaghetti will be completely ruined

my mom sometimes tells me, that I can eat only potatoes with cabbage and spaghetti with pickles for the rest of my life and I would be the happiest person on planet Earth

sometimes I think she is right:)

I just don't like mixing the food

everything should be separated on a plate:)

or may be I have some problems with taste:)

but I'm okay with that

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


in less than a month:)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Magic and the bus

today while going home after lovely meeting with my old friend in the most wonderful cafe Kehrwieder I was in a good mood, but the people in the bus were pretty much sad and bored

and then I decided to use my imagination, to make this ride more interesting at least in my head

so the next song in my phone was Frank Sinatra - Fly me to the Moon

so in my head every person in the bus turned into gentlemen and ladies from those times, men in suits,ladies  in the sparkling dresses and little hats, and I must say, if there was a big lady tired of the life, in the clothes which were twice her size, in my head, that moment, she was gorgeous lady wearing black glittering dress and dancing with a gentleman

and the bus obviously was not the bus anymore, it was a retro styled club with live music and cigars

but then the song ended and another one came

Miriam Makeba - Pata Pata

and my old fashioned people suddenly turned into Africans

and they were dancing in colorful clothes on the white sand next to the ocean and not standing with angry tired faces wanting to get home as soon as possible

then everything turned upside down once again

this time is was Carrie Underwood - All-American Girl (I love that country girl, she is sooooooooo beautiful)

and my dancing people turned into country people, not really dancing, but more like just being all that country styled people:) and the talking on the phone boy in the bus, turned into American football player holding not a phone, but a ball in his hands:)))

then came my favorite Rise Against:

and I tried, I really tried to imagine those strangers to be the part of my music family, but I couldn't

I guess some things I don't want to share with strangers even in my mind

Rise Against is one of them:)

so if I offer you to go to their show, you should know, you are my significant one:)

and that was my way back home in a bus full of wonderful people

I know, with imagination like mine I am never bored :)

and yes, I know, my playlist is something that can't be logically explained


Monday, November 12, 2012

I'm tired

I'm really tired of living

don't get me wrong. I'm not gonna kill myself or something like that


I have beautiful life and I am surrounded by beautiful people

but I'm tired

I see absolutely no point in living

all people lie

all people betray each other

all people have same pointless lives

I won't be crying if tomorrow I know, that I am going to die next month, nope, not at all

and I get somehow jealous of people who are constantly afraid of the death, because apparently they have some reason to live

rather than just to have some fun here

or may be they are just cowards who are scared of dying, simply because of the fact they don't know what to expect next

cowards are the people who definitely need to change something in their lives

your meaningless short life is passing by and you are afraid of something

if I were a law maker, I would have gotten this law legal: if you sell drugs, if you kill somebody, if you do something illegal, that caused some serious trouble (I'm not talking about wrong parking) you won't be put in jail to chill there


my suggestion is: set them free, but with a note, if somebody kill you, your death would be considered as not meaningful and no investigation will be held

it would have been so simple, okay, you killed some girl and you won't be in jail, but rather you will be the prey for those you loved that girl and who now have the permission to kill you and imagine how little of police do we need and how little criminals there would be on the streets, because when you know, that you may be killed in any time if you did something wrong, I think it is great reason to be law abiding citizen

and may be then the amount of cowards will decrease too

and everybody will sing happy songs like "On top of the world"


but nevertheless, life won't change into something more meaningful

Definitely band of the month

some songs make you smile

he pronounces words in such an interesting way :)

If you love somebody
Better tell them while they’re here ’cause
They just may run away from you

You’ll never know what went well
Then again it just depends on
How long of time is left for you

I’ve had the highest mountains
I’ve had the deepest rivers
You can have it all but life keeps moving

Now take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take it with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

I’ve tried to cut these corners
Try to take the easy way out
I kept on falling short of something

I coulda gave up then but
Then again I couldn’t have ’cause
I’ve traveled all this way for something

Now take it in but don’t look down

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take it with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take it with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
I’m on top of the world, ‘ay
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ay
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ay
Take it with me if I can
Been dreaming of this since a child
I’m on top of the world.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

How may I help you?

yes, you

Estonian national hockey team coaches and managers

what the fuck are you doing with our boys?


here is the answer: NOTHING!!!

today I read a short article about how Russian hockey players feel pity for our team and then I looked through the results out team showed


dear Russians, you should not feel that way, you should ask the same question I am asking : WHY THE FUCK ESTONIAN TEAM CAN'T PLAY AT ALL???

and I'm absolutely not mad at the players, I am really seriously extremely mad at the managers and coaches

do you know what?

you can buy Finnish hockey jersey in the shops here, but you must go through hell to find Estonian one


they can't even sell them right

and I won't tell you about the another hell you must go through to find any information about the games


once again

How may I help you?

we obviously can't play any worse, so why not to pick me as a hockey manager?

at least I know how to use internet to put information about the games

see, I'm already better than your current staff

for evolution sake

we have great men and no team

how great is that?

Thrift shop

this is fucking awesome


loooooooooooooooove that song


Control freak

most of the times I feel like if I'm Monica from Friends

I am freakingly obsessed with cleaning

in my room

every single thing must be on its place in my room

the other rooms are used to many people, so I don't mind anything changing there

but I do remember the way my things were when I leave the room

it is not super tidy, I have my areas of chaos in the room

but the tv remote control must be aligned from the longest to the shortest on the table

 the books must be put from the widest to the narrowest

you can't put anything on my shelves unless I gave you my permisson

you can't take photographs and put them in another place

the clock on my cupboard is turned exactly the angle it is comfortable for me to watch

the monitor is placed exactly the way it is close enough to the center point of the table, but with the space enough to use monitor buttons to change some options

the wooden ship is always pointed towards the door

and so on and so on

almost everything is lined in my room

I notice the slightest displacement of furniture and I can't sleep if I won't put it back the way it was before

I guess it is some sort of illness

but i you ask me :Jana can I take this thing and put it in another place, I  would probably tell you sure, why not

just ASK


so yeah, I'm control freak

and bit way obsessed with organizing things

yes, I have billions of boxes for every little thing

but I am okay with that


Saturday, November 10, 2012

I am giving up

I still have error 8007000b and I can't do absolutely nothing with that

but what is more

I can't do dskchk

not at all

not even in the Safe mode


do you want to perform dick check after restart, YES YES I DO!!! well, f*ck it, not with my computer:)

I even manually scheduled it

and yet

not a sign of checking

I tried to do the light version of it, sort of fast check


not even that one

so for now, let it be

may be one day Microsoft guys will find universal solution

at least I hope

but hey, I fixed my chair with my lovely screw drivers set!!!

at least I fixed something:)))

Friday, November 9, 2012

Things I don't understand

why do women think that Cristiano Ronaldo is the hottest man on planet Earth?

seriously, I don't get it

yes, even with that photo, I still don't get it

I don't really get the fact how it happened, he is one of the best football players in the world

the only game i saw with him was the game, where he constantly was lying on the ground pretending he had some serious injure and 3 minutes later he is perfectly normal


I don't care how awesome you score the goals

if you are little whining coward, you will be little whining coward

or actor

and speaking about half naked men

and actors

so many years passed by

but still


is one of the best underwear ad ever:)

you go, Mark Wahlberg!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

The place I wanna go

I always had dreamed about going to the place with a lot of ice and not so many people

that is probably why I have that weird dream, to have my wedding in some ice hotel


just look at those beautiful places:

I had dropped the wedding idea away, but still have a goal to visit some of them some day

hopefully in the next few years


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Update battle

I think I will soon look through every single solution possible

it is not right, when I do SFC with the hopes of finding some serious problem, instead of being happy that "Windows Resource Protection did not find any integrity violations"

that's awesome

but it doesn't help me much with those update problems

yaaaaaay to the clean PC

daaaamn to Update failure

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

No hockey for me


obviously I'm sad, but that's okay

I will go some other day

if only I knew how to buy those damned tickets

should I stand with the sign "Will buy TPS Turku hockey game ticket" in the harbor where ships from Finland arrive?

I doubt that it is legal

But I will surely find some other way to do that

I surely will

Monday, November 5, 2012

The little girl that scares me

the one from the right:

is actually me


but I'm not lying, if I would saw that kid on the street I would had thought "well that girl is creepy little murderer"

this photography has no color because of the sunlight in my room, but I can still remember, that my sister is in the white dress with blue ornament and I'm in the pink (!!!probably the only time you see me wearing pink) fluffy costume


my sister is looking like she is just chilling, while I have that look on my face "I know what you did last summer and I will do something about that"


but I do have a cute smile:)

I have no social life

that's why I'm watching plenty of tv shows:)))

my new favorite is Arrow

yeees, another blond gorgeous man:)))

I was never a big fan of comic books, but hey, with the man like him I can watch it with increasing interest:)

brave and smart, just what I need :)

but I'm a girl too, so, dear girls, I strongly recommend you to watch Hart of Dixie, because it is such a relaxing show, you just make yourself a cup of warm tea and imagine you are in the middle of nowhere with a great company :)

I really doubt, that boys will love that show, but hey, we ignore you and pretend we are old fashioned ladies living in the present :)

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Things I don't understand

why do people love dried fruits so much?

or dried vegetables

why the hell would you even wanna buy dehydrator?

like coooooooome ooooon

look at this:

and then this:

my question is: who the hell would prefer raisins over grapes?

apparently plenty of people

and I don't understand this, not to chose the tasty watered fruit over dried piece of bad looking dead fruit

so yeah

I don't eat anything dried so much

and you can put your "but is is so comfortable to eat it out of bag" or something like that far far far away from me

like if you would buy some chicken, and eat only the skin of it

eat and drink the water, don't dehydrate it

it is not even logical


Band of the month

Imagine dragons


I love their Night visions album


Saturday, November 3, 2012


on an endless repeat:

It's a revolution, I suppose

the live version is good as well

yes, another blond with stubble


but some things never change


Friday, November 2, 2012

Nuclear power plants in Finland

Apparently they have two of those and the construction of the third one is expected to start in 2015

the second one is Loviisa power plant and if speaking the truth, I don't really think that place is suitable for me

something there just seems wrong

I don't know, may be I will change my mind, but not for now

so the only option in Finland is our old good Olkiluoto Nuclear Power Plant

therefore my goal now is to get some job there

task for tomorrow: learn how to write Olkiluoto without using google:)

To Olkiluoto!

To Finland!


just like a pleasant bonus, look where it is on the map of Finland:

Do you see what I see?

Not so far from Turku!!!

not so far from my TPS Turku hockey team!!!


It is working!!!

I don't know what kind of computer ghosts were visiting me yesterday, but today my extremely unstable computer is working perfectly stable

well except that Updates are still not available


but I'm working on it:)


possibly the only band that I like, but am not comfortable with watching videos:

that lead singer scares me


that look on his face

just like if he is soaking the life out of you


but they have great songs:)

and he has interesting voice:)

The walking dead

okay okay

I am watching that show despite the fact, that I had previously written that I didn't like it very much

and still I find the most of the characters dumb and illogical

but like possibly every sane person out there, I like Daryl:)

a loooooot


and yes, I realize, that he is not really the most law abiding citizen, but if some zombie apocalypse happens, I would gladly have some fun with him:) you know, killing walkers and saying tough stuff to people who live in a perfect world ignoring the basic survival principles


you go, Daryl!

and would you be so nice and stay human until the end of the show?


My battle with Windows Update

I'm reaching the point of disappointment with Microsoft

for months I can't install Windows updates

I tried possibly every single solution described in Internet

and yet, no improvement



but at least now my PC is working faster

but here is the thing, friends "if it works, don't touch it!"

that must be the main rule in changing anything in system

because of me being stubborn as I am, I decided to take this seriously and check as much solutions as it is possible


I have NOD 32 antivirus for keeping my PC clean, Ccleaner for dealing with cleaning (like d'oooh) registry issues and little problems and Trojan Remover for those rare times, that somebody uses my PC without or with my permission and leaving it infected:)

those progs do not conflict with each other and I thought it would be enough to keep the system running well

apparently I was wrong

I read one solution where it was strongly recommended to check the system wih good registry cleaning program, okaaaaaaay said Jana, being sure, it was all clean and perfect

well, had this result:

yes, my friends

more than 6 000 problems:) how cool is that? not at all:)

that was when my hunting instinct was awaken

I cleaned with this program, repaired the ones which needed repair, deleted the program and found more tough one

well, now it must be completely clean

surprise, surprise:

I laughed hard :)))

okay, cleaned that too and in the end got something like 30 errors, but as I read in the all mighty internet, that is normal, to have some errors

then I found another solution, where there was a list of .dll that you should re register to solve the problem with Windows Update


using the same DLL fixer I downloaded the.dll that my cmd black creepy screen told me I don't have

I hadn't found one specific dll and therefore with the help of this meme:

I downloaded .dll with the same name but with different number, hoping, that some of them may be the right one:)

and yeah, I have no freaking idea, what dll is for:))))

wanna know the result?

I still can't install Windows Update, my windows freezes at some point and you have to do the restart not in a good way and hey, I can't shut it down using usual shut down shortcut anymore and I have to use the shut down button:)))

and, as I truly believe, restore points are for the weak ones:)))

therefore, dear invisible problem, which makes my computer look like retarded, I will find you and I will delete you!


the battle continues

Thursday, November 1, 2012

What do you want from life?

That's the question I've been asking myself for almost a week

I always knew what I wanted, but somehow in October all of my plans were not significant to me anymore

not at all

so I was kinda lost

the person with no future plans

I didn't know with whom do I wanna be, I didn't know where I wanted to live, I didn't know where I wanted to work and all of the other things


not a single one

yeah, me, the girl with billions of plans, had no plans at all

but today I asked the question: what do you wanna do

and somehow the answer came to my head straight ahead

I wanna work on nuclear power plant

and I don't want to leave Europe

I am a home girl and I don't wanna leave my not so perfect family for a long time

so obviously I'm thinking, hey, what country has nuclear power plants, is located next to my country and has plenty of beautiful men and hockey? Finland! of course:)

and now I feel myself a little bit better

not so completely lost

my task for November 2nd is to pick a nuclear power plant where I would like to work (one more thing, it is pretty much an amazing thing, that they need plenty of water, therefore the sea is near)


I have a goal!