Saturday, September 29, 2012


Friday, September 28, 2012


I know I don't look like one

but I'm kind of a punk'ish music lover


loooooove that song

Go on

With all of my big and caring heart I strongly recommend you watching this show:

I'm not kidding, but after Friends and Big Bang Theory that is the only comedy, that makes me laugh at the midnight with my whole voice not caring that people are actually sleeping now

and what is more, it makes me cry too

so yeah

most of the times I look retarded, because I'm laughing while I'm crying

impossibly touching comedy

with great actors

and lots of sports talks (just look at his t-shirt, it is Boston Bruins!!!)

just watch it

Thursday, September 27, 2012

he is so so so handsome

not like perfectly handsome, but interestingly handsome

my kind of beauty:)

awesome song too

I need more little stresses

that is solution to my exploding personality issue:)

I am avoiding little stresses and in the end I explode leaving close standing people with the questions in their eyes: but why didn't you tell that before:)

for real, I had noticed that: okay, he didn't tell me that, but well, I guess he was busy or okay, she forgot to tell me that, I am sure she had some serious reason

and those little brick add up to make a solid wall and then I break that wall while loosing friends

I need to confront every time I feel uncomfortable about something

I am pretty much of a master of avoiding problems:)

I will never put mascara on, if there is little tiny chance of rain (seriously, waterproof stuff is not so waterproof in our climate)

I never use lipstick, because then I will have to check it every 30 min to be sure it is perfectly even (and I love my lip color too)

I never bother, if it is raining outside, rain will ruin my hairstyle? not a problem, when they dry out, I will have wavy hair and I loooooooooooove it


so yeah, every time I see a girl looking desperately for a mirror to check her make up I just, naaaay, I'm lazy ass


or when the last bus leaves

nay, I will just walk home using old good legs

and so on

it is like the only reason that can make me panic is when I know there is absolutely no juice at home and the stores are already closed

thats the only thing, that makes me feel uncomfortable and stressed

therefore, to stabilize my inner me, I need to find constant source of little stresses

any ideas?

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

One weird morning

I don't know what is wrong with me or what is wrong with my body

today i woke up, feeling good and went to the kitchen to have a breakfast

and then like something hit me straight to my head

I sat down in the kitchen not knowing how to do anything

I looked at the fork and I really didn't know how to hold it in my head

whaaaaaat the heeeeeeeeeell

I had dropped it at least 5 times before I learn how to keep it

then it took me some time to realize how to turn on the light

or how to move a plate

I'm not kidding

I felt like those basic things were erased from my memory

and I am not going to talk about my coordination skills, because I missed a sink quite a few times before I could had been able to put my dishes there

I somehow was not scared at all

more like, okay, I forgot basic things, now I will learn them again, not a big problem

what is weird, my brain was working perfectly fine, I even had a song in my mind, which was Heartbeat by The Fray

but I'm sure that is not normal at all

the last thing that I did when I went to the bathroom and forgot to switch the light on


I left the bathroom and started to look for a switch

I had not found that

I had not found the switch that was on the exact place for 26 years of my life

it was like my seeing ability was somehow narrowed to 10x10 cm square and if I wanted to look further I had to move my whole head

I didn't like that at all

so I decided to stop torturing my brain and went back to my bed

after 10 minutes or so it all went back to normal

except for my old friend being back: Hello headache, I hadn't heard of you in two months and I hadn't missed you at all, but now you are back

I just hope I will not be dealing with it every morning

what the eff

I'm tired of living, thats true, but in no freaking way I am going to die or let my brain stop working

bring it on, bitches

lets have fun!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

New Flyleaf

she looks so dead

dead face

dead smile

dead eyes

Lacey, what had happened to you?

she used to be so beautiful

stop messing around with religion and come to the science side, we have true emotions here!

btw, how can you be all that religious, if you have tattoos? as far as I know it is forbidden and apparently is some sort of a sin in their religion

so wash your face and come to the reality!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Your song

today I'm somehow into fluffy puffy mood :)

I didn't like the movie, but I felt in love with this song:)

especially 1:30-2:30 part of it

today when I was cleaning the apartment my phone chose this song to play for me

well, just like in some movies, I started singing out loud and whirling in the room with towel and cleaning liquid :)))

and I loved that feeling, like if something inside you grows so big and so beautiful that it is ripping your chest apart

I knoooooow, fluffy puffy I am today:)

he is very handsome too:)

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Some good music


I can't explain you why do I listen to this kind of songs, I just love it:)

Local H - Fritz's corner



New Robocop

another movie of my childhood is being relaunched

this time it is Robocop

I never was a big fan of it, mainly, again, because of the noises it produces

(I think I have some issues with what I hear :)))

here is the new Robocop:

is it me, or does he look like new Batman?

do they have the same costume creators?

I dunno, for me it is like batman wearing bike helmet

but hey, at least Robocop has great car too:


What the hell is wrong with me?

there is one criminal in Alaska with a nickname Terminator, who is an addict and who breaks into houses to steal things and who even shoots people and apparently is one hell of a bad person

he was caught and now in the jail

wanna know how he got his nickname?

here is his photo:

nice scull, huh?

but here is more:

now my question: what the hell is wrong with me, if I think that his guy looks extremely interesting and not scary at all?

seriously, Jana, what the hell?



so, imagine you waking up in the morning

the sun is shining

you feel great

you open the window

and whoooooooosh:

what a wonderful view

you have a huge amount of metal right next to your house:)

I knew that the ship is really close to the shore, but I had never thought, that there were actually houses so close

so creepy

like a huge whale resting on a beach

I'm not afraid of almost anything (except for small bugs, yeti and there was something else I can't really remember now)

but daaaaaaamn

I would escape my house, if I had that view

just imagine all of the sounds, that ship constantly makes

seriously, I am not so much into Titanic movie, just because it is some sort of a horror movie for me, that moment, when ship breaks into two parts and those constant noises

freak me out a bit


and yes, the weather cast information would have been my home page if I lived there:)

juuuuust to make sure, that this monster won't hit my house at night

horror movie it is

Monday, September 17, 2012

Face me

I love this kind of songs, they make you close your eyes and your body just starts moving with the music and the words of the song

Ben Affleck

well hello, bearded god in the black coat

The brave one

I finally found a word to describe the perfect man

you know, like answering to the questions: who is the perfect man for you

and you start explaining: he must be
  • smart
  • funny
  • rich
  • intelligent
  • rich again
  • blond
  • tall
etc etc

I have plenty of people I know

different kinds

and smart one is not always the best one

funny one is not always the best one

I know now who am I looking for

The Brave One

that's all

the only criteria for me

you must be the brave one

brave enough to tell the truth, brave enough to have goals, brave enough to be initiative, brave enough to protect your family, brave enough to fight when it is needed, brave enough to admit you were wrong, brave enough to stand out for your ideas

The Brave One in everything

and that's all:)

now at least I know who I want:)

the one I can run into the street and tell: I need help, the big guy is trying to kill me, have to time to explain, get into the car

or if I pass out due to my illness, then I know for sure, he will be doing his best to bring me back to life, not panicking and crying


therefore, dear people, if I hear one more comment about "you want too much from one man" I will answer, I want the brave man, that's all

that simple it is:)

I need no more signs

I already had plenty of them


today while reading a newspaper I found an article about the web sites, that have information about jobs abroad

oookay, said Jana and saved the links in Speed Dial tab

I started to think that may be I should get German language lessons and go there

but then I got an e-mail from our university with information about working in USA, and not like you have to pay for everything, but the opposite

have you heard about this organization?

and you know what, my dreams about working on nuclear power plant don't seem too dreamy now

bring it on!

tomorrow I'm going to get my new passport, because the old one is not valid for 4 months already (yes, I'm lazy ass) (fun fact, here in Estonia passport is not a compulsory document, it is up to you, whether you want to have it or not, it is used mainly for going outside the EU)


I still have a plan to see you:)

but now it is more like a goal, not a dream or plan:)


Sunday, September 16, 2012

NHL lockout

that was expected

no hockey for now

Russian players are already signed multiply contracts with KHL teams:

Pavel Datsyuk is in "CSKA"

Hudobin in "Atlant"

Malkin and Gonchar in "Magnitogorsk"

and is not yet approved, but Tyutin, Kovalchuk and Bobrovski in SKA

I'm not into Russian players, so I'm waiting to know who will come to Finland and Sweden, to plan my next hockey trip

and somehow I'm pretty sure, that lockout won't last long

as for now:

Goooooooooooo, TPS!!!

*the colors of the team are black and white, well, what kind of sign do I need more?:)))

now I will be hunting for this jersey:

hopefully not in only L size that they have on their web site

*I won't be complaining if they add that cutie pie from the picture to the jersey


Still funny

"Posmotri kakoi etot medved' strannõi"


translation is "Look how weird that bear is"

I think that every friendship has those kind of jokes

you know, the ones, that other people don't get:)

today I got a text message from my old friend with those words:) only with those words, and I hadn't seen her in months:) and you know what? it is still damn funny:)))

I need to find that picture:)))

Friday, September 14, 2012



Finnish version of NHL started this week

apparently Estonian television providers don't have Nelonen channel where you can see the games

but well, of course they don't:)

nobody watches hockey here

nevertheless I found one site with information given in english

here it is

my boys lost their first game, but at least hey did it in the OT (so we got 1 point, congratulations to us!!!)

TPS Turku    2-3 OT    HPK Hämeenlinna

1-0  Santtu Huhtala
SHG  1-1  Ville Viitaluoma (Joni Tuominen, Jesse Saarinen)
PPG  2-1 Corey Locke (Rasmus Ristolainen, Hannu Pikkarainen)
2-2  Marko Luomala (Tuomas Santavuori, Aleksi Laakso)
PPG 2-3 Arsi Piispanen (Tuomas Santavuori, Joni Tuominen)

what bothered me, is that there was no Antero in the net

why would you do that?

but that's okay

when he will be playing, we will definitely win 85% of the games


*due to high possibility of lockout in NHL, I'm now learning Finnish players and I have to say it is one hell of a hard goal to accomplish :)

**does anybody know where I can watch the Finnish games in Internet?

***my heart have some vacancies now, so why no to put another goaltender there? meet our second netminder (who played last game) - Atte Engren

he is handsome, isn't he? :)))

Just admit it

you all tried doing that dance:


if you hadn't done it yet, just try, you will love it:)))

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I can't do absolutely nothing with it

I love them:)

billion little butterflies are dancing in my body now:)

*gone looking for Rise Against t-shirt in my cupboard



I have billion ideas about what this song may be

and I don't really wanna know the right one:)





and "you suddenly complete me" is one hell of a good line there:)

in my situation it is now the opposite:) not you suddenly complete me, but you suddenly not a part of me anymore

I have no idea, how that happened, in one moment you love somebody for years, and then whoopsie, not anymore:)

but now I'm freeeeeeeee


it feels good:)

no longer infected:)




My family

Sometimes I wish my family was boring and usual

but it is not

you can do a reality show out of it

but I can't tell you anything :)

and I am really tired of my mood roller-coaster

can I be calm blooded and stable all the time?

I am running out of friends already


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Found a photo

from my sister's wedding

do I look like I have the biggest smile in the world?

Yes I do!!!


now I can easily live in America :)

that must be a criteria  for getting the green card:)

Do you have a beautiful big smile?

Yes I do!

so I'm waiting for the card now:)

Monday, September 10, 2012

Forgot the words?

you have very little time to learn them:




yes, friends, Columbus Blue Jackets will rock your world this season!


*Leo Komarov finally got into Toronto Maple Leafs roster list ( Proof )

thats why it is now official: I HAD HUGGED THE NHL PLAYER!!!


you can be jealous

It is not like if I am pushing you

wait a second

yes I am!!!

3 days ago I was looking the jobs offers that they have in Antarctica again

I agree to go there even being simple cleaning lady

take me there!!!

but noooooooo

not fucking perfectly healthy person I am


some dreams crumbles down, while some people don't even realize what they have

the perfect health and therefore the countless opportunities to work everywhere

I don't know


I think it is much higher risk that some person will have a heart stroke, than me having some life threatening problem

but people don't change their minds

I have freaking ability to restore my health

as for now, I only have one little bruise on my leg, while week ago I had lets say, not so attractively looking leg

but noooooooo

but you have Diabetes, all you can do is to do some paper work and die in pain

aaaaaaaaa gooooo toooooo heeeeeeell

or even better

go save Arctic for me


is one normal guy out there:)

ignore the party pictures, look at this one:

Sunday, September 9, 2012


I usually buy magazines when I wanna read something besides books and newspapers

all kinds of them

fashion, beauty, science, psychology etc etc

but there are two celebrities, that make me wanna buy whatever magazine they are on the cover

Jennifer Aniston:

and Kate Winslet:

and I have absolutely no idea why is it so:) I won't buy products that they are promoting, I won't go on a diet if they offer it, I don't even like them thaaaaaat much, but every time I see one of them on the cover, my brain says "Hey, our girl is on the cover, lets buy it!!!"

and I do

I always do


my little secret:) can't do nothing with that:)

but hey, I read science magazines too, without certain covers, though

my all time favorite is BBC Focus:

I love love love love looooooooooooooooove it:)

I rarely read more than one article a day, because it is sometimes way too hard to understand the language and the translation of it, but not like tooooooo hard

when I want to challenge my brain I buy this one:

Scientific American, ooooohhhhh that mind blowing reading, when you read the page multiply times, finally come to understanding each sentence and yet not be capable of putting it together in some logical and understandable way:)

and when I want to look at some beautiful pictures I buy Astronomy Now:

that is like my favorite picture book:) when you can stare at one picture for a long time :) guilty as I am, sometimes I don't even read it, only looking at the pictures

I wish I had been able to read Nature and Science magazines, but despite my searches, I had not been able to find it anywhere in Estonia

Does anybody know where to find them here?

but seriously, what's up with those two girls? are they some sort of witches making me buy those magazines or what?

I love them anyway:)

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Battle scars

I love Lupe Fiasco and I have no problems with saying it

"Battle Scars"
(feat. Lupe Fiasco)

The wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love, yeah

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
This battle

Never let a wound ruin me
But I feel like ruin's wooing me
Arrow holes, they never close from cupid on a shooting spree
Feeling stupid cause I know it ain't no you and me
But when you're trying to beat the odds up
Been trying to keep your nods up
And you know that you should know
And let her go
But the fear of the unknown
Holding another lover strong
Sends you back into the zone
With no Tom Hanks to bring you home
Another night of fighting
On the frontline with a poem
Trying to write yourself a rifle
Maybe sharpen up a stone
To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone

I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched
I wish that I could stop loving you so much
Cause I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...

(Just leave)
You shouldn't have but you said it
(And I hope you never come back)
It shouldn't have happened but you let it
Now you're down on the ground screaming medic
The only thing that comes is the post-traumatic stresses
Shields, body armors and vests don't properly work
That's why you're in a locker full of hurt
The enemy within and all the fires from your friends
The best medicine is to probably just let her win

I wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't love
I wish that I could stop cause it hurts so much
And I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...

Cause you've set me on fire
I've never felt so alive, yeah

Hoping wounds heal, but it never does
That's because you're at war with love

And I'm at the point of breaking
And it's impossible to shake it

See, you hoped the wound heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
Hope it heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love!

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle

I'm getting better

in keeping my mood swings under the control:)

awful morning?

beautiful day!


I don't want to delete the previous post, just to remind me what not to do:)

not to be dependable on what other people think about you:)

he doesn't like me?

not a problem

I have whole Norway, Sweden, Finland, Iceland, Canada and Estonia to choose from:)))

oh you, blond men who stole my heart all together:)

+bald men

+red men


-1 blond won't make my life miserable:)

okay, okay, -2 (hellloooooooo Mr Jerkinsson, how are you doing? still lying to your woman?)

now I have another plan

but I won't tell this time which one:)

I need a notebook with title Book of plans

I wish I had somebody to keep me doing the things I want to do, because I have absolutely no problems with starting doing some crazy ideas, but I loose interest in days

and yeah, does anybody want to go to Finland to watch some bad ass hockey game with the perfect symmetry man in the net?

I'm going probably in October (may be in the end of September)

and daaamn, Kimi is still one hell of a handsome man:

Certain people

have some power over me

what is the worst part of it, those people are the ones I like a lot

it is some sort of odd dependence

the more you like someone, the more you feel like crap with them

afraid of being not enough good, not enough beautiful, not enough smart

I have a friend, who despite the years I know him, had never told me, that I look good or that I am a good person or something good at all

well except for "you are funny"

clowns are funny too, you know

and it hurts me a lot, like if I am not good for him or something like that

on the days, when I feel the most miserable, I do what I guess all girls do

Going hunting for attention


and I love our old town, because there are a lot of Finns there and I know, that they like my appearance:)

I always get some compliments and smiles and nods and smiles again:)

I love that, I feel like if I own this world on the nights like that:)

and then you come home and get a message from that friend, saying that he will be going traveling somewhere so that he will be missing some days


thanks for information

I guess my endless offerings to go out and do something together were not again good enough

or when he writes "I got a letter from Russia, I guess I need to start learning Russian"

okay, I guess I am not a good enough reason for learning Russian language because of me, not somebody from Russia

that is simply amazing, you know:)

and it huuuuuuuuurts sooooooo muuuuuch for some reason

I really hate it, when you get attached to somebody who is not right for you

the people you love the most, will hurt you the most

thats a life rule I guess:)

people, communicate more, we are not on that level yet, when you can read minds

and I will get my confidence back:)



Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The perfect symmetry man

is baaaaack

no longer injured

no longer back up goalie in NHL

no longer way away




Antero will be playing in Finland this season!!!

in Finland!!!!

2 hours from me!

so I guess I need to plan another trip to Finland:)

and yes

from now, I'm going to watch SM-liiga too (that's like NHL for Finland)

my Finnish team is TPS (Turun Palloseura) :)

Have a good season, Antero Niittymäki!

TPS, we are going to win Kanada-malja !!! (which I find being weird, you play hockey in Finland to get the cup named Canada Cup?)

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Saturday, September 1, 2012


I'm not into smoking boys, but I even saved this picture, just because of the fact how incredibly awesome he looks like:)

Little Black Kitten

it was one of the last days, that I had spent in Särevere

and while waiting for my big blue bus I noticed a little black kitten next to the post

I hope those sun rays mean that he/she will grow up into some great black cat

Text messages

I get this man

I really get him

and I completely share his point of view:

I really don't get it, when people don't respond to the texts

is it like that hard to really write something like "can't talk now" or smth like that?

it gets me mad too

like what the fuck

I asked you something, be nice and respond to the text

or e-mail

or any other way of sending a message

If I want to talk to myself I will talk to myself

If I want to get no response, I will talk to the wall

but what is strange, that when you do the same thing to the person who didn't text you back, then you will have a letter with "hey, are you mad at me" or smth like that


it is not like if I'm stalking anybody and it is not like you don't have fingers to put a text

it is not normal, that I get so angry when I don't have a response


as from now

when you don't answer to any of my text messages with a certain question in it, I won't ever text you again, from that point, I will only answer your texts and not all of them.

thats the rule now

same with the e-mails

fuck it

I'm not talking to the wall anymore