Friday, January 28, 2011

Space minute

Yesterday one friend (the same girl with whom we were in Sweden, Lena) gave me link to this video:



For your information

If you want me to be silent and motionless for hours, then all you have to do is give me something about space

How do people live without any interest about what is above their heads?

I always knew, that I live in the whong time

I probably must live either in 18th century or in 23th

18, because that was the time, when woman cared only about their families

without even thinking, that they have some brain too

Why not 17 or 19?

cos in the 17th, there were not enough comfortable things

and in 19th woman started to think quite a lot

In 23th, because then I will probably travel in the space

It is only you and endless silent space

Black holes

Supenovas

Planets

May be even aliens

Wanna be there

Take me there



The farthest and one of the very earliest galaxies ever seen in the universe appears as a faint red blob in this ultra-deep–field exposure taken with NASA's Hubble Space Telescope. This is the deepest infrared image taken of the universe. Based on the object's color, astronomers believe it is 13.2 billion light-years away. (Credit: NASA, ESA, G. Illingworth (University of California, Santa Cruz), R. Bouwens (University of California, Santa Cruz, and Leiden University), and the HUDF09 Team)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

To go or not to go

I don't really like football (or soccer, however you like to call it)

I used to like it a lot

But after discovering hockey

It seems to me that football is really slow game with 11x11 girls on the field, who cry all the time

Sorry

And why the hell you still don't have video-goal judge?

It is 2011 already

Oh, wait a minute

Of course, if you have video-goal judge, then you cant sell goals to those who offer more money

Yeap, money making business is not a sport in any way.

So if you want me to be a fan, you should really allow video-goal judge

You know, the one, that awesome boys in ice-hockey have for years now:)

I love hockey:)))

About to go or not to go

Estonia-Uruguay

I probably will go

Cos you know, Estonian team, country pride etc etc

But I don't know

Slow game, a lot of crying girls on the field (of course not our Estonian players)

a lot of people = good

a lot of drunk people = not so good, while having not that big of a body

So, to go or not to go?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

John Constable

I dont get arts

I dont get why people spend 10 000 000 euros on some painting

On some piece of canvas with some paints on it

The buy it, than they put it in some dark place, where no one can find it

For whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

But

Yeap, there will always be some but

I love John Constable

I really do

The first time, that I saw his paintings in some art book i fell in love with him

He is simply my person:)

So you can understan now what I felt, when I had known, that there will be exhibition of his works in KUMU (our Art Museum)

Of course I was there:)

And do you know whaaat?

Now I love him even more:)

His brushstrokes, his color selection, the little part of his soul in every painting

And surprisingly, he used bit darker colours than I expected

The only thing that made me wanna laugh there like insane was the name of one painting:

"Landscape with a Double Rainbow"



Yeap, I'm the part of lost youtube generation, where "double rainbow" stands close to "bed intruder"

:)))

John had a loooot of beautiful paintings, but internet images simply cant show you all of its beauty

I hope you will see it someday

Time to write some crap about museum too

Well, museum itself is really really really amazing

Its building is simply beyond ordinary:)



The light, the floors well everything is good there:)

Except for people

Dont get me wrong

People working there are all polite and nice

But it is like the whole building is filled with zombies

kinda creepy

people with no emotions or facial expressions

One thing I never really understood

Is why the hell people spending their lives on studying useless thing like paintings, literature etc

I do understand, that if you have some time, you take a book and read it and then decide whether you like it or not

BUT WHOLE LIFE?

You dont create anything new yourself

You dont build anything

You dont save anything from anyone

You simply spend your life making some conclusions whether he used dark blue color on that 1cm of paining or not

Write some books about how he supposedly painted it

etc etc

my simple question is : for what?

Get a real job, art theory creepy people

I really liked "Classics of Estonian Art from the Beginning of the 18th Century until the End of the Second World War" There are plenty things to watch and like

But I really hated "Estonian Art from the End of the Second World War Until Re-Independence"

If on the classics there are a lot of light, colours, feelings, plots etc, then on the reindependence exhibition there are a lot of ugly, dark, feelingless, useless, empty paintings

Except for one

But I already forget the name:)

I guess I'm not that "ah how beautiful this painting is" type of a person

More like: "That is good, that is not" :)

I'm engineer:)

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hockey

WE WOOOOOOON!!!!

AGAAAAAIN!!!!

My boys are slowly getting back to being amazing:)

Two last games:

3:2 (OT) with Florida Panthers

Have you seen the highlights?

It is like some magic ghost helped them to get that puck out of the net:)

That moment is on 4:40

Or maybe it wasnt ghost, maybe it was Marc Methot:)




5:2 with St Louis Blues

You know what?

As long as my boys will continue winning, I dont care that they let 0:2 and only after 0:2 they start playing well

:)

and 5:2 with Blues is much better than OT win:)



Rick Nash is my Captain



(Photo by Joel Auerbach/Getty Images)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Have you heard about personal space?

I don't like people, most of them

And I don't like when some person, whom I don't know, touches me

I usually enter the public transport the last one, cos I don't want someone to accidentally push me

But the thing I never understood, is why the hell are they standing so close to each other, when they are going to leave the bus

I'm not talking now about rush hours, when there is just too much people, and you simply cant do nothing with it

I'm talking about half empty bus

Okay, I get it, that you are getting off the bus on the same bus stop where I do, Buuuuuuuuuuut I have the rest of the bus empty behind me, why do you stand so close and even push me, is it like that extra second, that you get by standing soooo close to me will save your life or whaaaaaat? The bus driver doesnt even notice whether youre standing neck-to-neck with me, or like some normal person will do, 2 steps behind me

So why the hell are not you keeping the distance?

The same for the shops

Youre standing there in line

Probably the perfect way to stand:)))

But yet again, will those 2 meters save your life and soul and time? you put your products and step away a bit, why are they always standing, like if I'm going to, I dunno, hit them in the face and take their products to buy it myself?

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT PERSONAL SPAAAAAACE?

Just keep the distance, if you have free space to do it, be a good person

:)

Weird question

Lets imagine, that you are gonna make some sort of multifruit juice drink

Create your own containt proportions

For example:

orange 12.5%,

pineapple 8.8%,

mandarine 2.8%,

passion fruit 0.8%,

banana 0.3 %

And create your own package too

What would you place on the cover?

I guess some mix of fruits, with orange and pineapple in front of all

So, my question: Dear, Põltsamaa Felix, why banana?



And I'm not even gonna comment the picture, cos I'm already got used to it:)

But WHY banana, if you have only 0,3% of it?:)

I should think less

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Where is snow when you need it?

Yeap, it is +2 and the snow is melting faster, than I'm getting ready to win the World Cup

Kinda sad

Dear Nature, I really need a little bit more snow and -5

Lazy week it was

Didn't even bother to write something here

Well, I passed all of the exams

I need a plan

Everything is better with bluetooth the plan

Almost for a year Thursdays were my "Friendly days"

You know, when you want to hit someone's face into the table, but all you do is smile and nod as you agree to everything that person say

Sometimes I even managed to do that

So I guess I should name each day

I will think about that and will try to put it all right

Columbus Blue Jackets still loses, but Rick Nash is still my Captain

Lars Berger finally won a start (so my hopes for him were right)

I've bought Larsson book in Russian and probably will buy in Swedish too, and you can call it obsession

People are still nice and kind

Some of them are even nicer than the others

My plan for tomorrow is probably to finally visit Constable exhibition, but I'm not really sure yet

Yeah, restart my brain, and hello big plans again!:)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Wells, Crichton, Larsson

Do you remember, that I'm bookworm?

Of course you do:)

Wells, Crichton, Larsson are those, who won my mind

Every single piece is pure genius

I don't really remember, what book was the first for me written by Wells, but after some minutes reading it, I definitely was already in love with him

Again that thing, if you like something, you feel it from the start:)

Wells make my brain work faster, he wrote so, that you can read every novel between the lines too.

My fav novel is "The first men in the Moon"

Yesterday I read the short story "The Star"

I am sure, you've already heard about Nibiru planet, which supposedly will destroy our planet

Well, here you can have a short story written in 1897 with almost the same plot

I guess Wells was some kind of an alien:)

The Star

"If you fell down yesterday, stand up today."

"If we don't end war, war will end us."

"We all have our time machines, don't we. Those that take us back are memories...And those that carry us forward, are dreams."





Michael Crichton is like another alien:)

Who else could think the idea of Jurassic Park?

Yes, that was my first book from Crichton

Or if speaking the truth, firstly it was a movie:) Then I decided to get know, who on the Earth can think off such an exiting but yet realistic story:)



He had such a warm smile

Unfortunately he died too young (66) in 2008

It is impossible to explain, why do you like something or someone so much

Again that "it just feels right" thing

So, I can write an essay here, about how amazingly awesome he was

But I will not

Read some qoutes and decide, whether you feel him or not

"It's better to die laughing than to live each moment in fear."

"What makes you think human beings are sentient and aware? There's no evidence for it. Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told-and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare. Other animals fight for territory or food; but, uniquely in the animal kingdom, human beings fight for their 'beliefs.' The reason is that beliefs guide behavior which has evolutionary importance among human beings. But at a time when our behavior may well lead us to extinction, I see no reason to assume we have any awareness at all. We are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion. Next question."

"The planet has survived everything, in its time. It will certainly survive us."

If we're gone tomorrow, the earth will not miss us

"In the corner store we pulled fat bottles of water from the shelves. No one thinks it's weird that we have to buy clean water, and that's how I know we're going to hell. "

"Human beings are so destructive. I sometimes think we're a kind of plague, that will scrub the earth clean. We destroy things so well that I sometimes think, maybe that's our function. Maybe every few eons, some animal comes along that kills off the rest of the world, clears the decks, and lets evolution proceed to its next phase."

Genius

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

NHL All-Star Game

Congraaaaaaaaaats to Rick Nash for getting into the All-star player Fantasy Draft!!!

My Captain!

If I had my own fashion awards

Then I will call the first one: The most well-dressed men's lower body part

I knooooow

How awesome is that?

That probably would be the most weirdest fashion award evaaar

So

"And the most well-dressed men's lower body part goooooes toooooo ta da da ... Lupe Fiasco! Congratulations to the winner!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n31XQPUyv2g

And I have to admit, that i loooooooooove his flannel shirt too:)))But the lower body part is perfect

As in the new video



If only he could manage to do his upper body part as perfect as his lower is:))

Monday, January 10, 2011

Phrases I like

Stand up for what's right, even if you are standing alone

Exams

Chemistry

chemistry

chemistry

Cola light

chemistry

chemistry

chemistry

YouTube

chemistry

chemistry

chemistry

Cola light

I have a wonderful evening:)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Biathlon rules

Houston, we have a problem

http://www4.biathlonworld.com/en/downloads.html

Yeap, when did they make up so much rules?

It like you run, then shoot, then run, then shoot and finish

Sometimes you run more, sometimes you use more bullets

But obviously biathlon people looooooooove making rules:)

It will take me a lot of time to read and remember it all

But after my chemistry and environmental physics exams I will do it

Even between preparing to exams

Cos I dont really have much time left

I probably need you

And by you I mean a man, who is stronger than me

I had a nightmare tonight

Agaaaaaaaaaain

But this time I was like really scared

Dunno why

I often see sinking ships in my nightmares, and I'm always on that ship, and while everyone is dying I always survive

But tonight it was different

We were on a tram (google it, if you dont know how does it look), and when we were leaving it, I stepped into something soft, and I already knew what it was, but still screamed NO NO NO, and asked my friends to tell me, that it wasnt what I expected it to be. But I was right, it was dead bird

And then suddenly all become dark, no sunlight, no snow, only screaming and running people and awful metallic sounds. I hope you've read H G Wells "war of the worlds". Something like that

I think logically even in my dreams, so I offered to wait a little, cos in that book *SPOILER ALERT* it died after some time, because of the earth microbes. you see, aliens didnt have an immune system

But obviously, they were not from the book. I saw how they killed people, not because they needed to eat, but only because they wanted to see how they die. And they were not like from the book, they were more like small UFO with metallic hands. So imagine what sounds of screming people I had in my head

And then suddenly I was home, all covered in someone's blood, cos yeah, I always try to help, shaking and crying and at home, there were my family, and it was New Year's time. They were drinking and discussing, that we should cover our windows, so that UFO cant see us. Then I saw report on TV, and there were a looot of people celebrating new year on some town square, they were so happy and suddenly dead

Can you get tired of screaming and crying in your dream? Probably you can, cos after all of that bloody mess I woke up

And you know, the first thing I wanted to do was to hug somebody and cry on his shoulder, while listening how he says, that it all gonna be all right

Yeap, so much for being a tough girl

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Voices in my head

I cant sleep for almost three days

Everytime I close my eyes, all of the voices are coming back

And no, not only in my mother tongue Russian, but in Estonian and English too

I never have an empty head

There is always something, that distracts me

My thoughts, your thoughts, your voice, their voices, my plans, my dreams

No silence for me

Sometimes I wish that for an hour I could have an empty head

Just to remember how awesome that used to be

But nooooooooooo

Here you go Jana, here are your world supremacy plans, here are your space plans etc etc

It is like a constantly working computer in my head

I guess it is good

It shows that my brain can work

But sometimes, simply sometimes, I wish i can turn it off for an hour

Yesterday

If someone asks you, name one song, with a title "Yesterday"

What would you answer?

I guess 95% will say Beatles - Yesterday



Lyrics

Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

You can throw rotten tomatoes on me now

But I always said and will always say, that Beatles is waaaay waaaaaay waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overrated

They have some not so bad songs, but I still dont get why the hell are they considered to be some sort of music icons

I've listened to almost all of their songs

And not more than 5 is still on my playlist

Yeah, out of all those endless CDs of screaming girls love songs

May be I dont have a heart, but may be I simply has my own opinion on everything, no matter what millions of people think:)

So, if you ask me to name a song with a title "Yesterday" I will answer: Staind - Yesterday



Lyrics

You don't know what you've put me through
That's okay, Ive forgiven you
But in some way
Hope it fucks with you
Hope it fucks with you

That Im okay and Ive made it through
But who's to say what you're going through
Ill say no names, though Ive wanted to
Isn't it strange how it seems like

Yesterday
A boy and already afraid
Locked deep inside
My place to hide
To hide from how you made me feel
And I wonder
How's your brother
Did he end up fucked up like me?
Lost in himself
Crying for help
It's safe to say

I learned to live without a pride
Just a shell, with me stuck inside
A prison, not a place to hide
Not a place to hide

But Im okay and Ive made it through
But who's to say what you going through
Ill say no names, though Ive wanted to
Isn't it strange how it seems like

Yesterday
A boy and already afraid
Locked deep inside
My place to hide
To hide from how you made me feel
And I wonder
How's your brother
Did he end up fucked up like me?
Lost in himself
Crying for help
It's safe to say

Yesterday
A boy and already afraid
Locked deep inside
My place to hide
To hide from how you made me feel
And I wonder
How's your brother
Did he finally pull through like me?
Finding himself
Not needing help
I'd like to say

Way deeper song, than Beatles have

You can call me heartless, but omg how awesome this part is:

You don't know what you've put me through
That's okay, Ive forgiven you
But in some way
Hope it fucks with you
Hope it fucks with you

The whole song is like a huge ball of emotions

I love Staind

And have almost all of their songs on my playlist

So I guess I think that Staind is much better than Beatles:)

Sorry, Beatles fans

Sometimes it is hard to say good bye

To the people things you like

I guess I have a thing, about not replacing old things with new one, until it will absolutely stop working

Like with my mobile

Meet my head friends

Headphones



My old headphones started to make some not so cool tricks, so I decided, that it is time to replace it

You know what, I HATE MY NEW HEADPHONES

I spent almost 3(!) hours to get some sort of a good sound out of it. And I failed, no matter what options I changed, the music still doesnt sound the way it used to perfectly sound, except for pop songs, strangely enough, put some pop crap sounds good, but yeah, I dont listen to that kind of music too much

And it is heavy as if I put a brick stone on my head, and it squeezes my head no matter how much I change spacing

But yeah, it has 6m wire, so congrats for that

As you may notice from the photo, my old one was repaired with my handy hands with using adheisive tape (I should really read some books about fixing the thing you like by using some real tools), and guess whaaaat, it still sounds better that the new Philips one.

So I'm going back to my old taped Sony headphones:)

Lesson to learn: Stay true to your friends (even if it is not a person) till the very end, and even after that, try to bring your friend back to life:)Cos it is worth it

My Biathlon

Okay

I have a little problem with my plan of becoming a new biathlon star

And no, it is not, that I'm 24 and still can't ski:)))

While searching for the pair of skis, I realized, that I have absolutely no idea, whether there are some certain rules how wide and long and light must the skis be, or not, I guess there are, otherwise they will not be looking like clones:)))

And what if I dont want to wear those skinny suits, like I have some problems, when every part of my body is covered with a material which almost squeezes every cm of my body

Yeah, thanks

:)))

So if anyone knows if there is some sort of a Rule Book for biathlon athlets, then I will gladly use that information

I will ask Google myself too, cos you know, I'm not banned there:)))

Sincerely Yours, Next Biathlon Star

:))

*I probably should put that line as an autosign to my emails

:)

Friday, January 7, 2011

Music I like

Corpus Christi

Somehow, those religious bands know how to make good songs

We are not like you, my friend, yooooooooure sooooooo weeeeeeeak



Lyrics:

This is all out war
Born into this struggle
We've become the things we hate
No longer will we
Be the downtrodden - beggars at your gate.
To - all that we own
We've been given - over as slaves

We are the - resistance

What made you think that we would bend so easily?
(We're not like you)
We're not like you, my friend.
You're so weak.
(We're done with you)

Our entire lives we've been told we have to buy your lies.
But all that will gain us are things that we can't take with us when we die.

Your narrow perception
A weakened device
Your veil of deception
Now falls from our eyes

What made you think that we would bend so easily?
(We're not like you)
We're not like you, my friend.
You're so weak.
What made you think that we would bend to suit your greed?
(We're done with you)

We are the - resistance

What made you think that we would bend so easily?
(We're not like you)
We're not like you, my friend.
You're so weak.
What made you think that we'd ever be slaves to your greed?
(We're not like you)
You're so weak
(We're done with you)

Your veil of deception
Now falls from our eyes
We'll never be your possession
You'll never get out alive

Say hello to the next biathlon star

In other words to me!

Yaaaaay

Anger is my motivation

So I was so angry, that our women biathlon is so deep down in the dark place

That I decided, to become the first biathlon star in Estonia

Cos, yeah, why not to:)

I'm 24, I cant ski and shoot yet

But as Ive already told you, I'm angry, and that means that I will win first of all my country Biathlon cup next year

With no coaches, sponsors etc useless people

Obviously in my country competiton is so low, if we cant make 4 person team:)))

So, yeah, see you next year

Now I need to earn some money for buying skis:)))

Cos I dont owe it yet:)

Don't worry, I will keep you informed

So that you can see the rise of 25 years old biathlon newcomer:))))

Biathlon

Germany, Oberhof

I've lost probably all of my nerves, watching this World Cup

I almost missed it, cos I rarely watch TV and thats why I dont really use tv-programm

So the first start for me was Women 4x6km Relay

First of all: where the hell is our Estonia team?

You see, I do realize, that we are really bad in biathlon, but rly, RLY, REALLY????????????? From the population of almost 1,3 mln, or approx at least 100 000 women of appropriate age, you cant find 4 more or less capable gils to ski and shoot some damned small black rings?

Secondly, you have 10 targets, and +6 more bullets. And still you manage to do a lot of penalty laps. HOW? France 2nd place - 3 more laps; Ukraine 4th place - 5 more laps, Russia 5th place - 8 (!!!) more laps. You can now speculate that the weather was awful, snow was awful, wind was afwul etc etc etc. A shuuuuut uuuuppp, obviously, if you are good athlete, then you are good athlete. Ask Sweden girls for some advice, I guess. Congrats to Sweden for being 1st!




Today I've watched Men 4x7,5km Relay

Not live, but still

I like men's starts much much much more:)

Do not bother to ask something from me, if I'm watching Men's:)))

At least we have a team there:) Ended being 15th, but still we are better than USA, Poland, Kazakhstan, Slovakia, China, Bulgaria, Finland, UK and Latvia:) so yaaaaaay to us:)

While watching starts, Im usually sitting on the couch, the more intense it gets, the more I'm getting closer to TV, already standing:))I cant do nothing with it:) I applaud, when my fav shoot perfectly, and scream something like "no, no, no, no, SCREW YOU, damned boy, miss, miss, miss, miss" :) And yes, you can call me weird, but I always wave back, when someone is waving to the cameras:))

Yeah, so, about that start. Sorry my Russian friends, but I was happy as a child, when your Ustyugov missed all 5 trgets and used all +3 and still had to run 5 penalty laps. It is not like I got something against Ustyugov personally, it more about that time, when your team was full of dope zobies, who claimed that they were clean as a glass, until it was proved, that they were doping lovers, then they suddenly stopped commenting anything. You see, I simply dont like liars, like really, really. That is why now I associate your team with Big Fat Liars

Congrats to Germany!

Finish was sooooooo adorable:))all of those little jokes with your team mates:)high five, or it was more like low five:))And I really like watching the athlete crossing the line with flag, even if it is not Norway:)



I was mad as devil, when I saw how awful my Norway boys were doing, buuuuuuuuuut, my little sunshine Bjoerndalen took them to the third place from out of nowhere:)

And yes, no matter, that my biathlon heart belongs to Norway, I do think, that Czech Republic 2nd place was well earned.



Images Copyright: IBU/Eberhard Thonfeld

I will not comment today's men's sprint, cos you maybe will be watching it in replay bit later, so no spoilers for you:)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Phrases I like

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

My favorite song

You can wake me up at 3AM, and ask me "What is your favorite song?" and I will answer you without any doubt Rise Against - Savior

No matter how awesome their other songs are, or Angels and Airwaves's songs, or Linkin Park's songs or 30 Seconds to Mars's songs or even my last music love Corpus Christi's songs. Savior is simply the best

I sometimes wonder, how easily something become my favorite. Like M Night Shyamalan is my favorite director, Rick Nash is my favorite hockey player or Savior is my favorite song, I just know that it is:) There are no doubts, that just how it is, you dont even think about it, you simply feel it:)That's yours:)End of discussion. No matter what other people think



Lyrics:

It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten
what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them
as the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping
through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten

there is no reconciliation that will put me in my place
and there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds
but seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you
like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear
so tell me now

if this ain't love then how do we get out?
because I don't know
that's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
that's when I told her I love you girl
but I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have

but the day pressed on like crushing weights
for no man does it ever wait
like memories of dying days
that deafen us like hurricanes
bathed in flames we held the brand
uncurled the fingers in your hand
pressed into the flesh like sand
now do you understand?
so tell me now

if this ain't love then how do we get out?
because I don't know
that' s when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
that's when I told her I love you girl
but I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have

one thousand miles away
there's nothing left to say
but so much left that I don't know
we never had a choice
this world is too much noise
it takes me under
it takes me under once again

I don't hate you
I don't hate you
so tell me now
if this ain't love then how do we get out?
because I don't know

that's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
that's when I told her I love you girl
but I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have
I don't hate you
I don't hate you, no

Learning from other's mistakes

I've always hated that phrase:

"You should learn from other's mistakes"

And why the hell is that?

Consider me stupid, but I will always learn only from mine

Imagine that one scientist decided to gave up his studies, cos another scientist from country far-far away had a huge explosion. Like according to "learning from other's mistakes" crap the first scientist must cancel everything, cos, you know, he is learning:)But they will never do that, cos you will never know exact situation, that happened in the lab of the second scientist

Maybe he simply forgot to wash his hands before touching something in his lab

It doesnt mean, that the first scientist will do that too

So when someone tells me, that "ou, you shoulnd do that, cos, you know, that girl Insertsomenamehere, so I was working with her and she tried that and she had nothing, so it is pointless, I trust that Insertsomenamehere, so dont be stupid, and learn from other's mistakes"

Aaaaa, shuuuuut uuuuup

Never, never, never, there can never be the same situation, the same conditions, the same everything, that will 100% lead to the negative result.

Yes, I'm one of those, who will fall from the roof, over and over again, till she/he finally will understand what do you need, to not to fall but to fly.

Words of wisdom from Jana: Never be afraid to look stupid, as long as you believe that you can fly, keep searching for the right answer.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Why M Night Shyamalan is awesome and you are not

I simply must do this

I really dont understand why people hate Shyamalan movies so much

Coooome ooooooon, every single scene in his movies means something, there is no between main scenes filling time crap

I do believe, that I'm not the one, who gets his movies. I actually feel how my brain starting to work faster while watching his movies

So I pronounce "Why M Night Shyamalan is awesome and you are not" as permanent post theme here.

Today I'm bit lazy, so I will only show you 2 of the best love scenes of all times for me

Yes, those that are in "The village" And i do think, that the village is one of the most romantic movies. No matter what you think:)





I know, that Joaquin doesnt speak clearly enough, for those, whose language is not English, so here you are:

Ivy Walker: When we are married, will you dance with me? I find dancing very agreeable. Why can you not say what is in your head?

Lucius Hunt: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night.

And if you dont find this scene one of the most beautiful "aaaaaaaawwwwwwwww" scene in the world, then you should really consider getting a new heart:)

Being Estonian

I don't know what does it mean: being Estonian

or Russian

or American

or simply a person with one certain nationality

the most hardest question for me in some kind of questionnaire is: What nationality are you?

I dont know

Like for real:)

Yes, I was born in Estonia, but my family tongue is Russian

and in my family, there mixed a lot of blood:) My granny was from Siberia, my grandpa was like pure Estonian, my second granny and grandpa were from the people, who lived next to the biggest lake in Estonia and they were native there and somehow, they ended having their own language, some mix of really old Russian and non existant god only knows what:))like whaaat, I knooow:))

so I cant say, that I'm Estonian, and I cant say that I'm Russian too

Estonian people have one good song, which is called "Eestlane olen" or in english "Estonian I am"

There is a good line:

To deny your own nation is like selling yourself into slavery.

You can imagine now, how do I feel when some Estonian starts talking crap about Russian, or some Russian starts talking some crap about Estonian. Yeap, my head wants to explode, cos I have both blood

Btw I always answer "What nationality are you?" - Estonian

Even if by blood Im not

So, dear people, stop mixing your blood:)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Music I like

Sometimes i feel like I was an American worker in my so called previous life, who lived in 1930-75



I love this song

Tennessee Ernie Ford - Sixteen Tons

Hello Euro!

Since this 2011 year we have euro now

I always thought, that saying good bye to the krones will be full of sad emotions

Cos we really had one of the most beautiful money in the world

Buuuuut, somehow i hadnt really noticed any sign of that sadness

So we have now a lot of coins, but they are kind of cute, paper money are ugly, but yeah, it is only money

First day was hard, looking on the prices in shops, like whaaaaaaaat, why "," is in the different place?

You see, all of our prices now are divided by /15,6

So it makes false impression, that the prices droppped so much and you can buy more

No, you cant:)

In my country there is a 2-week transition period, while you can pay for goods using both krones and euros. 10 points for that:)

Probably the only thing, which I dont like about euro (apart from ugliness) is how it is pronounced. You see, in Estonian krone is "kroon", so it has a long pronunciation, but most of the time you are holding your lips like as saying long "o". Weeeeeeeell, try to pronounce "euro". Do you feel it? it's like you are chewing some sort of a chewing gum:)afwul

But we will get used to it:)

Monday, January 3, 2011

Picture

Today my niece sent me a picture

With the words: I think you will find yourself there

Here it is:



If speaking the truth, I laughed like insaaane:) For those of you, who do not understand Russian those three kittens are thinking :"I wanna get fish!; Wanna get mouse!; Wanna get milk!" And the black kitten thinks "I wanna rule the world":)))

Yeap, I'm that dark kitten for suuuuuure:)))

And we will rule the world.

My last pathetic post, I promise

You know, I'm done with "hello to us"

Lets talk about physical beauty

I never had that classical beauty, for the most time of my life I was considering myself even as being ugly

But sadly enough, the more angrier I get, the more I love myself

About a month ago I woke up and when I walked past the mirror (we have a lot of those) I suddenly stopped with WTF look, like for the first time I actually liked what I saw, having bed hair, sleepy face and snail sneakers. So I stood in front of that mirror for about an hour, and surprisingly the more I looked, the more I liked myself, I have awesome gray eyes, amazing hair, which change its color depending on the light, it can be almost blond as well as almost brown, white teeth without using whitening crap, like really nice smile, and I have slender body without even doing exercises, and omg how much do I love my arms and butt:) I have some issues with my skin, but it is almost gone now too. But somehow, having all that, it simply is not considered being beautiful when put all together. Cos it is all real, and real thing now are not good:)

It scares me sometimes, that I already always thought that I have really beautiful mind (=brain) and now I love my body too. So I cut off now like almost all of the boys I knew, cos they are not as all-sufficient as I am now.

I do understand, that 99% of you will always choose colored blond girl with colored lenses, colored eyelashes, colored lips and with fake tan and wind in the head, over me. Maybe I'm too lazy to be that fakely colorful, maybe I simply prefer white and black. But it still hurts sometimes to see how the person you think you know well is like in the same 99%. But all I need is to find that my 1%. Ignoring the rest 99. Well thats a challenge:)

As much as I dont understand that colorful crap, I really really dont understand what the hell is going on with the boys our days. Like cooooooome ooooooon, why the hell are you even thinking about buying shiny things, be a man, dammit. This year in my country, I dont really know how, but among boys is really popular wearing shiny jackets. LIKE RLY??? maybe thats why I'm into hockey that much now:)My bear-like boys:)with big bodies and huge strength

Pure physically I have 3 things that really attract me:

  1. Blue/gray/green eyes

Kimi Räikkonen ice-cold eyes, like thaaaats what I call perfect




I'm so sorry, brown eyed boys, I never really look into your eyes, cos I feel like they are trying to steal something from my soul and simply like drawn me into the black hole. With light colored eyes it is more like exploring something: ice, snow, sky, water, snowflakes. But dont worry, I'm not gonna stare into your eyes like insane:)cos i find it extremely uncomfortable, if someone doing it with mine.

2. Arms

Yeap, whole arm, begins near the neck, ends with fingers. I cant really explain what kind I like, but if I like really do not like your hand, then how the hell can I allow you to even hold my hand?

3. Back

Yeeeeah, thats the part i like the most:) Back part:)))




I guess it is something like sacrospinalis. You see, that indentation part. And yes, you can call me weird:)

So that was my opinion on modern beauty:)

I hope I will not die alone

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Hockey

Hello to us!

I spent my New Year's night watching Columbus Blue Jackets game, and I was wearing the fan scarf all of the evening, so I will have New Year's pictures with it:)

We woooooon that night 3:0. Like whaaat? just kidding, we might had won that game with 3:0, but somehow won it only in overtime with 4:3, having 3:0 at one moment. I guess my boys relaxed bit too early in that game, but still we wooooooooooooon:)

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Also we have new third jersey now



And remember: I like you.

Being diabetic

Hello to us!

As you probably already know, I have diabetes for almost all of my life (since I was 11)

I'm 24 now, and you have no idea, how I'm tired of all of those comments

NO, I AM NOT AN ADDICT

I do understand, that many years ago our syringes probably looked like the ones, that addicts are using

But explain to me, how can you even suggest that this is for drugs:




It even has a name on it

and we DO NOT do our injections into the veins

But yeah, you still can make those stupid jokes about "Are you an addict, hehehhehehe?" if it suddenly fell out of my purse. Cos that is soooooo matuuuuure...

Being diabetic I never really understood why people are so afraid to die, cos obviously my life is fully dependent on that insulin. If I suddenly realize, that I dont wanna fight for my life no more, then I dont even have to commit a suicide, all i have to do, is stop using medicine or stop eating. Not for weeks, but for most is about 1-5 days. If i will stop using insulin, but continue eating as much as usual, then after some time my organism will be so full of sugar, that I will constantly want to drink water, simply subconsciously to wash that sugar of my body, then I will start feeling sleepy all the time, and once I simply will not wake up, cos I will fall into a coma, and after that I will die. But if I will use insulin, but stop eating, then it will all be much shorter, If I will have my medicine at 8AM without eating, then at about 2 PM my hands will start shaking and my brain will start shutting down, and by shutting down I mean slowly stopping all the functions, just to save some energy to keep me alive, my thoughts will be messed up, I will say something, that I dont want to say, but simply cos it was right now on my mind, my body reactions will be slow, so if you know some diabetic, you can probably find in her/his wallet a paper with words: Im not an alcoholic, I have diabetes, and if I react strangely, please, call a doctor. That condition usually lasts for an hour, after that, when my brain cant hold my body in vertical position no more, I will lay down, probably laughing, and after a short time fall asleep and then again in coma. Funny life, isnt't? Surely I need all of your stupid jokes.

But the worst part is that you sometimes simply cant wake up. No matter how much you had eaten the night before, sometimes your brain just cant wake you up, cos your body is simply too tired of all of that. I had a lot of those mornings, when I woke up sitting in the kitchen, with some candy or juice in my mouth, havent remembered how I got there. It usually are my parents, who managed to woke me up, they all the time say, that I fight, that I dont want to eat nothing, that I scream sometimes, and I cant remember absolutely nothing and the first thought in my mind is always the same all the time : please, please, please, let it be nightmare. but it never was. So I guess sometimes I get tired of that endless fighting for life.

You know, that Jana cant be Jana, without testing her body:) So no matter how easily I can die, I always think of something to try on, which is usually forbidden for diabetics. Doctors always said to me, that if I injure my skin, the blood wil run for a long time, well, bullshit, I had pierced my ears many times and I have my lip pierced too, so, as you may notice, i'm more than alive. They told me, that it is extremely not recommended to have a tattoo, because of that slow self healing process, yeap, i have three for now, and I'm not going to stop with those 3. Still alive. I worked on the construction sites as surveyor, being all covered in mud, climbing like a squirrel on the top of walls, running on armature, having late dinner or not having them at all. Cos I eat really well in the mornings, so therefore i can eat 3-5 candies during the work day, and work normally until 7 PM. See, it is not that awful, as your doctors may say. It is the matter of you and your brain, how to deal with it.

So, would you be so nice, and stop making stupid jokes about the syringes and feeling some sort of a pity for me, cos I'm ill. I dont need that.

And remember: I like you.

Happy New Year!!!

Hello to us!

Happy 2011!

That was probably one of the most boring New Year's celebration for sure

It is not right, when you enjoyed cooking more than the party, doesnt it?

Have you ever had that feeling when you are sitting with your family and the only thought in your mind is "do we really have the same genes?". cos they were like totally different people compared with last year. But I guess people cant change all at once, so it is probably me, who somehow became another person.

More indifferent and emotionless

I'm so tired of all of the drama

Family, friends, people I hardly know, and somehow I'm that one, who is solving all of the problems, this year I was overreacting so much, that it finally exploded in me, and now I'm bit like a robot, but for now, I'm absolutely fine with it. I just wanna live in the forest

Buuuut the cooking part was fuuuuun :)

Blowing eggs off the shell was incredible:))))it looks so stupid, but it woooorks

We have sugar, salt, flour etc etc in the unsigned jars, so it was quite a challenge to find a baking soda there:)))it was something like: yum, thats sugar for sure, and yummy this is sugar powder, and waaater, waaater, gimme water, this is the saltest salt in the world:))now this looks like a soda, lets add some vinegar to test it:)so finally we realized that we didnt have baking soda at all, so it was an emergency "WE NEED BAKING SODA!!!!!" run to the shop, while it was still open, but fortunately niece, that had to go, met one of her friend's mom, and asked her to lend some for us:)

We were making a cake, using internet page recipe, so there were a lot of step-by-step pictures, and it was pretty obvious, that she was doing it without using blender, so we started doing it by hand too, buuuuuut, in 5 minutes it was more like "screw it, we are going to use blender":))

But after all, all of our food went pretty well and delicious:)so it was worth it:)

Me and my niece now know how to make one cake too:)

Dont worry, I'm gonna plant at least 3 more trees this year




And remember: I like you.