Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy 2012!!!

I hope you dance

You see, some songs were written for smile

some for tears

some for some crap

but this old song:

makes me smile and cry at the same time:)

I don't know why, but when I listen to it, some single tear is always dancing on my cheek

not like the sad tear, but the opposite of it:) I know, this song suppose to be sad song, but for me it means something rather happy and powerful

yeah, I can be such a whining girl sometimes:)

*and wow how handsome Ronan looks like in that video

my second favorite song from him is this one:

Turn a spark to a flame,
Make a wish, close your eyes, won't you start all over again.

Dear Columbus Blue Jackets

I love you:)

love you, love you, love you:)

if there is one thing I can be sure of, it is that I love you:)))

and ignore all of those talks about how you can't play

you are the best team in the world

and our Mason is back:

Steve Mason #1 of the Columbus Blue Jackets makes a save against the Dallas Stars at American Airlines Center on December 29, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

I wanna give him welcome-back hug:) he hadn't played so well in a long time

He even got to top three compuware stars

see, our Scott Arniel had some point in holding him

Sanford, don't worry, I love you too:)

on the opposite, our fragile Wisniewski is broken again, but he will recover very quickly:)

because he always does

get well, James!

I don't know how to explain that

the feeling of belonging to something or somebody

it just feels right:) you don't have to change anything, you simply accept it as it is, with the good and the bad:)

and you can't even explain why this particular team (Columbus Blue Jackets), why this particular person (you), why this particular band (Rise Against)

the only thing that scares me, is that I'm afraid it can disappear in one moment with no reason at all

it came out of nothing and will it go back there?

I really hope it won't:)

We Will Win!

Dear Northug

move your beautiful ass to Estonia, because I'm planning to prove that you are not a human being but a bio robot

FIS Cross Country World Cup in Estonia



for 2 days:)

to be a part of ski madness (my heart still belongs to hockey and biathlon)

today got the ticket, this year I decided not to wait for the company, like I already had missed plenty of opportunities to go to World Cup, because I had waited for somebody to come with me, but since it is "screw-you-my-life-is-shorter-than-yours-and-I'm-not-gonna-waste-it-on-waiting-for-you" year then I'm going:)




on the other hand, it still freaks me out, that I'm starting to do things on my own, rather than hoping to do them together with somebody, but well, may be my The Only One had waited for this time to come:)))

after all, may be he is from another country:)




I guess I should look for the hotel room

The Ring

Today I was going through billions of my boxes and in one lovely box I found this ring:

The ring of friendship:)))

One in Estonia, One in Russia and One in Belgium

I guess I always loved making presents:)))

that was my new years gift for the girls from old Russian Linkin Park channel


awwwwww, the words on the ring are: Dignity, Honor, Friendship (I didn't came out with the words, in fact, it was my first sort of omg-he-is-so-awesome-i-love-him boy's idea:)))he is probably still awesome, at least I hope he is, because that word combination is to be proud of

I still keep contact with the girl from Russia (the-one-who-was-in-Sweden) but not so close to the second girl, since she moved to Belgium

I think I should wear it again

So much to remember:) so much to be grateful for

therefore, once again, I'm not a freaking stalker:)

and if I'm making compliments about anything or giving you a gift, it doesn't mean I'm running after you and want you to be mine, it only means I'm grateful for something

it can be some little tiny thing, like holding a door for me, but if that moment for some reasons stayed in my brain and made me smile, I feel the need to do something back:)

and I love the process of choosing gifts, you have to put a thought in it, because I'm not the one who will buy you some tie or beauty product (if you don't ask for it)

so, girls, We are awesome:)

and we will meet someday, all three of us!


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Life cycle in country songs

I love country music, and you can put your judgmental looks back to where you took it, I'm not gonna kill my love for those simple songs

it is like you can find a song from one country artist to every possible life situation

your boyfriend cheated on you?

here you are, listen to this song:

you already broke his car?

well it is time to ruin his social life, so here is this one

Songs like this one
That tell the whole world
Just what a jerk you are

sweet revenge:)

from the heights of my 25 years I can say, that I have never met somebody, who I can call jerk

like for real, okay, some boys hurt me, some boys made rude jokes about me, but I don't think, that those people are jerks, they were not thaaat bad, simply bit childish

I guess I'm surrounded only by the good people:)

so, then you start to erase all of those memories to move on

here is the song for this:

You had my heart, now I want it back
I'm starting to see everything you lack
Boy you blew it, you put me through it
I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it

after it, you all that brokenhearted meet a nice guy

here is the song for that occasion too:

the sweetest song ever:)

When I believe that nothing lasts forever
You stay with me, keeping us together
And make me feel like I never ever wanna give you up
'Til now, I've always been a quitter

You rescued me
Saved my life just in time
Saw past all my issues and scars
And made me try

have you seen my savior? tell him, I need him:)

now you know your soul mate, and it is time to spend some more time together:

Gone by morning light
Somewhere we won't ever get caught, ever be found

long story short

here is the wedding:

here is the family:

and here you can put a lot of good lovely songs, but in the end it will all come down to death:

I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe


whole life cycle in the songs of one country artist:)))

Monday, December 26, 2011

Kindness overdose


if you are wondering the song is: Matisyahu - One day

I loved that song for a long time already, but with this video now I love it even more:)

and yes, there is such thing as Kindness Boomerang:)

or karma:)

and I promise to be more kind:)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Mind blowing movie


for a long time I hadn't watched movie, that left so many questions and open space for imagination

"Love" is that kind of movie:)

not like with Shyamalan, when your brain is working non-stop

but when your imagination creates the movie, having the same base script:)

every single person will understand this movie in his/her own way

pleasure to watch, but if you are more into romantic comedy and brain free action movies, then you surely will not like this Love movie at all

I love it, love it, love it:)

at first I thought it would hard for me to watch "Love" because of this actor:

because he reminds me of one particular person, and if speaking the truth, my heart really started to bit faster every time I saw him:) but not in a bad way, but in a good:)



Meet the most handsome man on planet Earth for this month:

Gunner Wright

Hot with a clear face:

Hot with a stubble:

not so hot with a long beard:

the most hottest man on Earth in the "Love" movie:

may be it is because I loved his character, smart spaceman with a sense of humor and perfect symmetry body and evil smile:) I know he has darker eyes, than I usually prefer, but well, sometimes it just happens:))

and I know by tomorrow I will forget his name, but today he is the most handsome man:)))

I really loved the movie and I really have to buy it now

and I'm not talking about the music, because you all know, Angels and Airwaves are one of my favorites and I started to sing along to every song I've heard in the movie (btw, there is only music, without any words used in that movie, like a karaoke:)))

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Oh those crazy Estonian Russians

Estonians are like normal European people have Christmas and New Year, where New Year celebration is not so important if compared with Christmas (even being all that atheistic)

but I'm from Estonian Russians people:)

so lets count, how many celebrations do we have

1. Obviously catholic Christmas (24/25 Dec). Not so popular, but a good reason to have a little family meal. we do not give presents on this day.

2. Russian New Year (from this year, 22.00 31 Dec, used to be 23.00) widely celebrated, fireworks start after Russian president will say his speech. Like a normal celebration, food and drinks and talks and fireworks, only that you are celebrating with another country:)))

3. Estonian New Year (00.00 1 Jan) the celebration continues after our own President speech, and by this time, almost everybody go out and either watches fireworks or using them:) time to open presents!:))usually among Russian Estonians it is organized so, that the older people will stay at home and young people will go to their friends after 1 or 2 hours with their families. It is that you have to spend some time in the New Year with your family and only after that you are free to go where you want to go:)

4. Christmas (7 Jan) Christmas for orthodox people

5. Old New Year (14 Jan) yeap, old new year:)))and it is not, like if we had forgotten, that hey, we have a new year now! nope, it is because when the Russians switched their calendar, the church decided not to reschedule its old one so the New Year in old Julian Calendar will happen after 13 days or at 14 of January, in my family it is not a celebration day, but I know plenty of others who celebrate it as if it was the real New Year

so we basically have 5 holidays instead of 2:)))

yeap, crazy Estonian Russians:)))

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all of my religious friends!

Vegetarian people

I know, I know, it is a joke, but seriously, when I tell that I don't eat meat, they look at me like if I was some monster:)))

and oh those endless tries to put some meat on my plate

do people have some contest "make vegetarian eat a piece of meat and we will pay you 1 000 000 eur?"

it seems to me so:)

but on the other hand, why do vegetarians always say something rude about meat-eaters

if speaking the truth, I know several vegetarians and most of them always try to change other people minds and become really rude, if they can't do that

I know you care about animals, but acting like an animal will not help at all, calm down, and stop saying rude things about people who are not vegetarians

I stopped eating meat not because I've heard something from angry vegetarian on TV, but because I simply realized it is not necessary for me (and because I started to have some trouble with staying healthy in the mornings after I ate some meat:)

and because I don't like majority of domestic animals

so, dear meat eating people, stop looking at vegetarians like we are mad, and dear vegetarians, stop telling bad words about meat eating people.


Friday, December 23, 2011

The geek in me

is singing so loud now:)

I already love this movie:)

and you know where to find me, when it will be shown in theaters :)

Far Over the Misty Mountains Cold,

To Dungeons Deep and Caverns Old,

The Pines were Roaring on The Heights,

The Winds were Moaning in the Night,

The Fire was Red, it Flaming Spread,

The Trees Like Torches Blazed with Light.

I have goosebumps from that song

so powerful

A Christmas Carol

I love Jim Carrey

I really do:)

so, while I was gaining my Christmas spirit, I decided to watch that animation

I hadn't watched it yet, because I'm not that big fan of animations (I don't cry, where you suppose to cry while watching movies, and it makes me sick, that even watching all those fluffy puffy cartoons, I don't cry either:( it makes me feel, that I'm robot, but I cry a loooooot in the moments, where nobody cries:))) yeah, I have my own scale of "to cry or not to cry")

anyway, while watching that animation, I cried

not because "we all gonnaaaa diiiie", but "cuteness overdose" :)))

I felt so sad, when Scrooge life were shown and laughed so loud, when he made jokes:)))

like a roller-coaster: one minute you laugh, the next one you wanna cry

and I had read the book and watched old movies based on it, but still, it touched my heart, Scrooge's life and how he had changed it

what I really liked was the quality of that animation

sometimes I even thought that it was a real movie, like seriously, look closer at the dancing scene, every person on the background was drawn so precisely, that you can see how their hair move and they are not plain figures, but they have real gesticulation, so even such a picky viewer as I am, was impressed:)

I loved it, loved it, loved it

gonna watch it soon again


I do not recommend that animation to kids under 10, I'm not gonna lie, but sometimes I jumped of my chair out of fear:) and because of that incredible animation, some figures look reeeeaaalllyyyyy scary (like that big black horse)

10 out of 10

Old languages


"you knooooow, I'm the bookworm" part 2

I found one old book in the depths of Internet, which was written in old Russian language

like really old

1899 to be exact

and what was surprising, I understand almost every word of it, of course they are written differently, but somehow you can easily find the new meaning of this word in your head

here is one page of that book:

theme of the book is bit weird "Undying glory" and it is about Netherlands and how they fought for their freedom

I liked this part:

translation is:

There also were tall, slim Varangians (*or Vikings), with blond hair and blue or gray eyes and with soft white skin, the same Varangians, whose ancient law said: "Varangians will remain free until the wind will blow from the clouds"


they had some issues with understanding how the wind blows, but they were aaaweeesooooome

another reason to love northern people:))) it seems to me they hadn't changed that much in terms of will to stay free:)

Nuclear power plant

you knoooow, I'm die hard bookworm

I'm bit ill now. so I read everything I can read:)

today I was reading one book from 1970

about how awesome and powerful soviet union scientist are

so, there was one essay written by professor Aleksandrov, where he wrote about future energy sources

the significant part of his essay was dedicated to nuclear power plants

he compared how fast those are built in USSR

and how he was proud of Chernobyl one (one of the most powerful)

then he answered question about how safe those stations are

he even wrote, that "the chances of some serious accident in the nuclear power plants are smaller than the chance, that tomorrow a huge asteroid will hit into the Earth"

I'm wondering what was he thinking about 16 years later

and do we have to wait for an asteroid now?

*I still want to live next to the IV generation nuclear power plant

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Remember this

House - Ladder - Stick + Hugging Alfa

what the hell does that mean?



Hello in Japanese


House - Ladder - Stick + Hugging Alfa

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I'm into winter mood lately

Finnish man

black humor is my kind of humor:)))

they don't drink thaaaaat much, don't they?

I'm not blind


my eyesight is perfectly fine with no new problems and I'm not gonna be blind any time soon (unless I will run into fork with both of my eyes) :)

so I'm back hunting for my license


Monday, December 19, 2011

Growing up

That was hell of a nerve-wracking year for me

I never could imagine I could be so hysterical

like whaaat

the calm like a stone Jana had so many emotional breakdowns this year that it is hard to count them all

I'm sorry for everyone, who was hurt during those

I guess my unresponded love was not the only one, who needed to grow up

what I understood, is that at some point, you start depending on some person's opinion so much, that every word she or he had said, can affect your life

or broke it into billion pieces, like it was in my case:)

what I also understood, that happens only when you have low self-esteem

and when I know the problem, I solve it:)

today I know how good I am:)

and not only from my point of view, but also from the people I don't even know

and when you get that confidence, you realize, that

okay, I'm clumsy, if I can hit into the table, I will hit into the table and in addition throw all the things I have in my hands down

okay, I'm not the most beautiful person in the world, but somehow I feel like I am, when some man tells me compliments and now I do think, I am beautiful:)

okay, I'm not the most normal person in the world, but I do have beautiful mind and therefore you will never get bored with me

okay, I'm not the most healthiest one, but you will never know, that I'm ill, unless I will tell you that myself

okay, I'm not the most stable one, but what you can be sure of: I will never betray you and cheat on you or leave my family

okay, I'm not the girly-girly one, but I even if I love hockey so much, I can do (and I love doing those, except for ironing) all of the things women have to do at home

okay, I love Rise against so much, but sorry, that thing will never change

okay, I love being alone, but I will always find the time and space for you

okay, I'm not the most punctual one, but I'm worth waiting


see, that is what I call: Jana got her confidence back

I'm pretty much amazing:)

so growing up was necessary for me too


it opens the doors, that I had closed long time ago

and I am so so so sorry for my behavior, I acted like a kid who thought she was in love


and shame on me for that hysterical breakdowns, it wasn't worth it

it is good to be confident:)

and I promise to the world: I will never ever run after some boy

I never was a good runner, after all:))

Am I blind?

Why do doctors always want to bury me alive?

Today I almost got my permission for getting driver's license

but then she changed her mind


because according to the ophthalmologist (= eye doctor, if you don't know that big word) I am going to be blind pretty soon


when I saw that doctor, she told me that everything is perfectly fine and there were no signs of any problems

and I guess after I left, she wrote to my card that I'm freaking almost blind person


I feel, that I have no new problems with my beautiful eyes, they are staying at the same minus mark for I don't know how long

and now I have to be blind...

dot dot dot


I don't know, I don't trust doctors at all, but they have to have some serious reasons to play with me like with some toy

like okay, I got that, when I had issues with my nose, they told me, that according to the x-ray I must have not been able to breath, but then I went to another doctor, and she gave me a prescription to some hell of an expensive drops and in 3 months I came back, because I still had troubles with breathing, so I had to have another x-ray

and well, well, well, she told me, that they had mixed up my x-rays and the one they were using last time, was in fact the very first one, that I have some years ago, and the new one, showed that I needed to have operation right now, but, hey, the last one I did, showed, that I had absolutely no problems and the only reason I have trouble breathing is because I apparently had broken my nose in the childhood (what I don't remember at all), self-healing much?

that was the day my belief in doctors died:)))

mixed up results, when you have digital results about everything I had ever had

that's way behind my understanding

so now I must be dead and blind

and I'm not

I think I should sue them all

tomorrow I am going to that eye doctor with the same old question "WTF???"


Such a lovely picture

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Look who is back!

My Bjoerndalen won a silver medal, yaaaaaaay

you may think he is old, but he is still hell of a good athlete:)

Ole Einar, you are the best:)

*for some reasons I don't like Fourcade brothers, for me it is even better if Russians win (and you know how much I don't like their biathlon athletes), than Foucade

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Toshiba hard drive

I don't know what I did to my portable hard drives, but even my eldest Toshiba decided not to work anymore

but I was not ready to loose yet another hdd in one year

one thing stopped me for a while: how to open a hard drive, with no screws in it, like oookay, I see where it is closed, but I was not sure is it allowed to open it simply like that, with force

thats why I love youtube, you can find every possible manual there:)

and if you are wondering: it is working now, but I have no idea, what I did exactly:)

simply put those things which in my point of view were not really attached enough:)

so at least I got lucky with that:)))

*I must learn those schemes, they are fascinating

**well, now it seems to me that my toshiba looks like one eyed robot, who wants to kill me

Millennium trilogy

I'm having Millennium trilogy evening today:)

watching three movies in a row

I'm not yet finished, but, girls, here is one hell of a good reason to watch the third movie (The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest):

Aksel Morisse

aaahhhhh, those beautiful eyes

and he is playing the doctor:)

you know, the kind one:)

once again



The First One

I was always confused of people who love repeating: I'm always the first one in everything

I do have broken mind, so for me you must be more specific in details

It is good to be the first one in business when you come out with some breakthrough idea

It is good to be the first one to cure the cancer

It is good to be the first one to won an Olympic gold medal in hockey for Estonia

but you must be afraid to be the first one in everything

there is always the first victim of a serial killer

like you can live in safe neighborhood and don't lock your doors, because there never was a problem bigger than stolen car

but there is always the first one of victims

and if you are so into being the first one, it can be you

there is always the first infected person

have you ever noticed, while driving in the bus, there is always the first one to start coughing and then like some little epidemic happens, the closest to the coughing man starts coughing too, then some man in the other end of the bus and then like in some zig zag trajectory, where in the end half of the bus people are in some way infected and the rest have the latent form of it.

because of that one person, who for some reason decided to use public transport while being so ill

my question is: Do you really wanna be the First One in Everything?

I think you should reconsider it

Google fun

Oh those incredibly talented people in Google

try this one

1. Go to Google

2. type:

let it snow

3. and watch how the snowflakes are slowly filling the screen:)

thank you, Google


Thursday, December 15, 2011

I somehow refelt in love

with my country:)

I don't know why, but I do feel like it is my home (if there is a home for a girl with no specific nationality)

my new obsession is desire to buy a land

it doesn't matter where and what kind of

simply to know, that I have my own piece of Estonian land:)

I should do that

buy the cheapest and the smallest one to start with:)

I still need to get a job though


10 Years - Wasteland

that is the reason why you should prefer this kind of music over some techno/electro/artificial computer crap

you can almost feel him and his band like if they were playing in your room

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The queen of right attitude songs

is Kelly Clarkson

and really don't like that she produced hell of a lot "I'm so broken, let's cry together" songs lately

but the old strong Kelly is baaaack

such a lovely yet energetic song:)

and cute

those dancing people are cute:)


I can't even imagine who was that man, who broke her so much, that for years she sings songs about painful break-ups

my favorite song is obviously

but she has plenty of those

so yeah, Kelly is awesome:)

even for a person, who doesn't love popular music so much:)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I'm running out of ideas

I knooooow

how is it possible:)

but when every freaking day you make some presentation you start noticing "hey, I used some similar ideas in the previous one"

so to find something new in my brain, well, it takes now more time

and no, I will never make plain text presentations

it is not my style:)

less text, more pictures!

anyway, producing ppt(x) takes a lot of time

today I talked with exchange student, she was showing her architectural project, and in the end she told me, that I have strange imagination, because I saw a dog with glasses and a ear piercing when it was some building sketch:))whaaat? I really thought it was a dog, may be after all I'm not that run out of ideas

but I kinda got lost in all of the rest world, except for hockey of course, Columbus Blue Jackets are still unstable, but I love them anyway:)

what else, what else

may be I should ask for forgiveness from a person from our group, that I am always asking questions while he makes is not because I don't like you or your presentations, it is because I listen to it carefully (i guess i like your voice) and you always (!) have an answer for me. and there are not plenty of people, who have answers to my questions:)

why I don't say it in person face to face? because I gave up the idea of understanding Estonian men:)so if I came with a talk, you are so awesomely good in answering my questions, then I don't know, what may happen next:) I guess people here think, that if somebody tells something good to them, they want to have something back. may be the list of rules how to behave in different situations were given shortly after the birth, but due to my time management issues, I didn't get that one:) anyway, at least I don't get an enemy or a person, who may think I'm stalking him:)so I'm keeping the distance:)

had no time for watching any movies, have nothing new in the musical world, so I'm running away to make another freaking presentation:)

it is funny though, that I still sleep 3-5 hours a day and most of the time I'm feeling myself great:)

I guess after sleeping for such a long time, awakening was the right thing to do:)

but I have to add some music, so here it is:

If I was to die tonight
Would it tear you apart?
Would you yell it from the rooftops down?
Until it's over, and you're older

I feeeeell so aliiiiive toniiight

and yes, dear Shaun, get a haaaaaircuuuuuut


Saturday, December 10, 2011

Words of wisdom from Gandalf the Grey

"I liked white better," I said.

"White!" he sneered. "It serves as a beginning. White cloth may be dyed. The white page can be overwritten; and the white light can be broken."

"In which case it is no longer white," said I. "And he that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom."

I'm normal!

at least in some way:)

yesterday I read one Russian newspaper, which basically consists of the stories that readers send

and there was one, about a man, who was betrayed by his woman (as he thought)

long story short: the man was married to a woman, who after some time lost interest in him and they lived together because of their kids, but his wife was no longer interested in anything her husband did. so he found a lover, they started to see each other and working together, that woman helped the man to expand his business and he started to get much more profit. they even had a kid together, as that man wrote, he never really cared about what that woman did and rarely saw his kid (of course not supporting him financially)

and then, one day, out of nowhere, his lover left him and his job, after some time, he got to know, that she created her own company, and the majority of clients that that man had, left him and started to work with her.

so the man was all that furious, like, why the hell women are so selfish

and after that letter there was a response from psychologist, she answered, that it was not the woman who left him selfish, but himself. and then she wrote about how women usually love: they fall in love with the man, try to help him in everything, try to make his life easier etc, but when they realize, that the man doesn't care about her as much, then all hell breaks loose. they started to have breakdowns and then suddenly, because of some little tiny thing, all love is gone in one moment, so that happened with that woman, one day she realized, that she had enough and without trying to put the broken love together, she left it and moved on, obviously very successful, if her ex man lost his clients.

so yeah, I'm normal, if I felt the same ignorance thing in one day:)



and at least he never said that he loves me

and never felt that way too

so I guess it was completely my mistake for letting myself falling in love with a person who from the very beginning said, we can never be more that friends


but well, at least I know I can love:)


and I'm still having epic fail "yes to everything" plan:))

yesterday, when I was going to the bookstore for another Harry Potter book (in English this time, and no, I'm still not ashamed admitting, that I love Potter books), there was a snow storm with a strong wind, but you knoooow, I love snow, so I was going all that happy and smiling (which was hard, because the wind wanted to take me away from the surface) and then some Chinese man (in his 30's-40's) came towards me with the same smiling face that I had, and apparently wanted to have a conversation with me, saying, that I am the only smiling person here:)aaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww, how adorable:) but I answered thank you, and went away, only after some time, it hit me, that, daaaaaamn, may be he needed my help to find something in my city

I probably should put a note on my hand "SAY YES!"


Friday, December 9, 2011

I forgot


I forgot about my holiday

The 8th of December Day:)

therefore, happy belated 8th of December Day!!!

for those of you who forgot what the hell is that day about:

The Eight December Day is the scary calendar day

it sounds as awesome in Russian:

Den' vosmoe Dekabrja - strashnõi den' kalendarja

and even in Estonian

Kaheksas detsembri päev on õudne kalendripäev:)


the point of the day was for you to be careful, because nobody knows what can happen that day

something bad, obviously:)

yeah, Happy belated 8th of December Day!!!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Counting days

8 minutes of future

I really don't know why the hell do I like those books and those movies so much

it is not my usual pick (no spaceships, no Universe, no time travel, no science)

only deeply rotten society

but that somehow hypnotizes me

After watching that movie I probably would run directly to the shower to wash that dirt off

but yet I can't stop thinking how mind blowing those books are

even if keeping in mind all of those awful things that people did there

I love Larsson's books

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

It is so much easier

to smile all the time now:)

for some reason I sleep 3 to 5 hours a day (well, yeah, for some reason basically means that "Jana, you have to do all of your school tasks not in the very last moment") :)

but for the past two days I feel like there is a fresh soul in my body

the old one, used and broken, died

or may be I should use "reborn" or "reconstructed" word:)

now when I'm driving back to home, I smile like some crazy person staring at the window and noticing all of those little beautiful things

and it is finally snowing in Estonia



may be it is because of the snow, may be it is because of letting go the past, or may be it is because I picked up my pride and made it stable again:)

anyway, life is beautiful!


I still have that creepy feeling of the death standing next to me, but well, I can deal with that:)

just dance with the snow like I do

Dear Columbus Blue Jackets

First of all, you know that I love you, so here is my usual "you are the best team in the world!!!" part:

MONTREAL, CANADA - DECEMBER 6: R.J. Umberger #18 of the Columbus Blue Jackets celebrates his second period goal with teammates during the NHL game against the Montreal Canadiens at the Bell Centre on December 6, 2011 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. (Photo by Richard Wolowicz/Getty Images)

I wanna hug R.J for that smile:))) They should organize "The most happiest smiles in the hockey world" club with Prospal:)

It is like no matter how long do they play that game, each goal that they score brings those sincere smiles to their faces:)

I still miss Steve Mason, and I hope he is doing perfectly fine, but Curtis, you are an amazing goalie and we love you:)

and yes, WE WOOOOOOON!!!


yeah, yeah, but

today I wanna give the rest of my hockey love to my third best team Carolina Hurricanes

just watch the highlights:

and I know, that I somehow always choose some outsider teams to be my favorite

but in that video you can see the reason why

because they play with the whole heart until the very end

Dear Carolina Hurricanes, I love you for you never ending will to win

until the very last seconds you played like there will be no tomorrow

it is easy to be the fan of Vancouver or Boston or Washington, because they often win, but you will never see that desire to win in them, thats why may be I love those outsiders

outsiders for the majority part of hockey fans, for me, they will always be my hockey heroes:)))

As a conclusion:

Columbus Blue Jackets, until the end of NHL you will have my fan love and I will never leave you or change you for another team (yes, even if my Captain Rick Nash for some reason leave the team, I will stay with you)

Buffalo Sabres, I like you, but if Ryan Miller leave the team, I will leave with him

Carolina Hurricanes, you are my little perfect fighters:)

today we had a test in English, and when I had the oral part of that test, guess what were we talking about with our John?


Finnish goalies in NHL:) and it was hard not to shout in amazement: You know at least something about NHL!!! when he agreed that there are plenty of Finns in NHL and their goalies are amazing:)

we have the most awesome English teacher in the whole world:)

I love Columbus Blue Jackets:)

and Buffalo Sabres

and Carolina Hurricanes

and Mmmmmiiiiiiiikkkkkkkooooooooo Kkkkkooooooooiiiiivvvvvuuuuuu


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Again and again and again


and I'm melting like a snow on a sunny day


not their best performance

but oh that perfect voice


and that moment at 2:27 still give me chills:)

I love them:)

NHL news

like whaaat

yes, there will be no Eastern and Western Conferences anymore

with the high possibility, starting from the next season there will be 4 of them (as for now A, B, C, D)

New Conference alignment

not that bad for Columbus:)

Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Minnesota (Miiiiiiikkkkkkooooooo Kkkkkooooooooivuuuuuuuu), Nashville, St.Louise, Winnipeg and my Columbus

4 best teams from each conference come to playoffs

Stanley Cup is sooooo gonna be ours

What is life?

this morning, when I was going to my bus stop there was some young man with the paper in his hand, that he wanted to give me

with the words What is life?

I didn't take that (yeah, another yes to everything fail, I'm starting over again)

because I already knew the answer:

What is life? Life is me.

do I have god syndrome?

yes I do:)))

but look at it from my point of view. I'm one of those people who believes, that when you close the door to some room, that room doesn't exist anymore, until you open it again, then it will recreate itself as I see it.

so, if I am not alive, that means there is no life at all.

therefore, life is me.

as much as life is you, for you

I promise I will talk to that person, if I see him again



have you ever noticed, that when you add . after each word in the sentence, that sentence instantly become more complicated and each . add some feeling to it.



I finished my unfinished business and I was wrong about the need to see that particular person

because apparently I didn't need that


well, because after reading another letter with I have no time for you, I have nothing to say to you and all of that crap, the first thought that came to my mind was "Aaaaa grooooow uuuup":)))

that is the magic word combination "grow up"

when I'm mad at somebody, I usually say "man up!", "find your balls where you left them" etc

that shows, that even if I'm mad, I consider that man to be the good man:)

but when the first thought is "grow up", that means that basically for me that person is simply a big kid

and I don't love kids

*I don't say grow up to the men who plays with helicopters with remote control (those toys are aaaweeesoooomeeee)

and you can be not brave enough to be the man, but you have to be responsible for your words and actions (without running away with the words "It will not change anything")


now it won't

so, dear friend, you are incredibly wonderful person, and very handsome, and quite smart and I had really good reasons to sorta fell in love with you, but that's it. You will always have some place in my heart, but that place now is in the cold memories part:)

like my favorite Breaking Benjamin sing:

I forgive you. Forget you. The End.

Sincerely yours,


(with the capital J)

and Thank you

Monday, December 5, 2011

Time management

is not for me:)

I don't know, why the hell I'm always late

I love repeating "Every lateness has its own story"

a person can't be late with no reason




when I finally come on time, then I usually find out, that we don't have a lecture:)))

like cooome oooon, epic time management fail

how did I miss those letters, that our group head sends to us, in what she writes about the timetable

I should be more organized

and read letters really carefully

and buy myself some planner




thats my plan:)

and I bring back my two old plans and canceling the previous one (about being all that positive crap)

So, yet again, No made in China and Yes to everything (except for illegal stuff and alcohol, those are big big no)


yeah, at least it was not ship:)

today for the very first time in my life I woke up shaking of fright

basically that's why I decided, that I don't want any unfinished business in 2012, because I think those thoughts and unanswered questions affect my dreams

about the nightmare

it was scary, I was in some fancy house (three-storeyed house on the beach) and there were plenty of men, who I don't know in my real life

so we were talking and eating and simply having fun, when one of them started to change in the face and became some sort of zombie

but he was fast and he had brains, so he started to chase me and I had to climb the walls to escape from him, when I got to the top, the scenery changed and now I was in the hospital with three men and that zombie was not alone anymore, there were at least 10 of them, so we were closed in one room, trying to understand what to do next

long story short

zombies were not completely lost, they had to take one aspirin pill (yes, simple Aspirin) to become human again

one zombie I remembered. he was thin white man with black hair and he tried to eat my face(in my dreams zombies started eating human from the face), but I kissed him, and because I had aspirin in my mouth I put it to his mouth and he became human again

and basically for the whole nightmare I was looking in the cupboards, on the shelves, in the fridge, looking for aspirin pills to save them all

it is hard to describe that feeling, when you know that you are running out of time and you can find what you are looking for

so yeah, not the greatest dream in the world:)


One number can make your day

If it is number 61


I got that number, when I gave my jacket to wardrobe in the hospital and the woman who works there gave me 61:)

I guess she didn't realize that little thing changed my day


freaking number 61 was all I needed:)

Three questions

To you

and you know who you are, because apparently you visit this place sometimes (although not a single soul in my world knows your name or even that you exist, except for my blogspot visitors, but I doubt that they care about you so much, that they will come and break your nose, but, hey, American friends, I love you anyway:)!))

I can't do that without you

Those three questions are burnt in my brain

and because I don't want to do anything with you anymore, I need these questions to be answered, so I could finally close that door and put three row brick wall around it, so that I can finally erase you completely from my memory and move on (and no more even hockey talks)

therefore you have the time until Christmas to move your ass to my city and answer it face to face, or I will come to your city and will make it even worse

I want my new year to start without that destroying self eating crap and I'm planning to get my self-confidence back with no exceptions


1. Why you were always telling me how alone and lonely you are, when you already had long term girlfriend? (and I know, that I asked you not to tell me about your girlfriends, but not to tell about her and lie about being alone is two completely different things)

2 and 3. Why you wrote me that letter about her, when you knew, that that would hurt me extremely badly? Why the hell wouldn't you just shut up and let me go, why did you put those billion knives to my back, instead just letting it go away, without ruining my believe in people and in you particularly? you knew that I sorta loved you, so why hurt me so much with no reason

and you can send thousand emails with answers, but it is not enough for me, find your dignity, come here and say it to my face.

see you soon

Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Sound Of Winter

well thats weird

here is the thing:

I am not obsessed with words (average lyrics)

I am not obsessed with the music (not the best)

I am not obsessed with his voice (like d'oh, where is Gavin and where is Tim)

I am definitely not obsessed with men (I don't trust men with long hair (yes, it is either you have short hair or no hair at all:))

but somehow today I'm obsessed with this song

with no apparent reason

Die Haaaard!!!

Die Haaaaaaaard!!!

"What are you talking about, bitch"


My New Year's wish: to watch all 4 Die Hard movies in a row with the person I love or friends I care about:)

Die Haaaaaaaard!!!


never gonna get tired of "Friends"

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Foo Fighters

I don't like 90% of Foo Fighters songs

but the rest 10 are amazing

I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whatever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever, whatever
Forever, whatever

I see Finland

in my dreams almost every single night


it is like if I'm already living there

I'm learning Finnish language now, but lately I started to think, that if I move there, then I will betray my lovely Estonia (even though I will come back here for sure)

so, like always, Jana is confused

to move or not to move

for the previous question to go or not to go to the graduates meeting, I decided I was not yet ready to see that one particular person and hey, like always, he never told me he was in Tallinn, well, I guess when somebody doesn't want to see me, I can provide that:)

*even though it hurts

**really badly

but thats okaaaay

I guess

at least I had my epic test win:)))

we had the test in quality management that day and like always I was the last one to appear (note to non-Estonian people, Estonian people most of the time are on time, they have that thing, that if a meeting must be at 10.00, they will come at 10.00, not at 10.03) and I usually appear at 10.07:)

so I was the last one to start and the first one to finish:)

because I know for sure, if I start over checking the answers I will make more mistakes

and well, got "excellent" on it:) although it must have been 4+, but due to that I was the first one and I was sitting right in front of him (here is the negative side of being late, the only desks free are the very first ones) and he saw, I was not cheating, so I got 5-:)

like yaaaay

express test:)not more that 10 minutes for everything

I like that

what else

I'm curly now

somehow the longer my hair grow, the more curlier they get:))

so my favorite hairstyle now is not straightened hair, but messy curly hair:) yeah, I almost forgot where my comb is (sometimes I look like homeless person, who just woke up in the middle of garbage mountain, but I loooooove it)

and if I add to my messed up curls some made by curling iron curls, then it appears like if I have not that bad hair:)))

what I don't like is that yesterday some guy tried to introduce himself while hanging out of his car and screaming something like "nice to meet you"

I dunno, like really, do girls answer to that sort of crap?

because I definitely am not:)

but I would lie, if I tell you I didn't like that at all

because, after the person who you may be loved told you, that you are basically ugly while your sister is the most beautiful girl he had seen in a while, well, feeling beautiful is what I needed:)

even if that was some stranger in the car:)

Here is the song, for you, boys:

1. You've got to take it kind of slowly.
2. You've got to hurry up and make your move.
3. You've got to tell her that she's pretty.
4. You've got to be the perfect gentleman.

simple truth:)

I love Estonia

because the main news in the news last week was our Christmas tree


The Falling of Estonian Christmas Tree

and how can you not like the people, who forget about crisis and crimes and everything else, when the Christmas tree felt down twice

I guess Estonian people really are nature worshippers

Friday, December 2, 2011

Young the Giant - Cough Syrup

It seems to me I'm in some indie mood tonight:)

Life is too short to even care at all

Nick Brandt

Feel the power

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Happy New Winter!!!



Wednesday, November 30, 2011


So I'm dancing in the ashes of the bridges I burn

Speaking about tomatoes

Attaaaaaack of the killer tomaaaaaatoes


even today that song makes me laugh:)

but don't make jokes about tomatoes

or one day they will get their revenge

sing along: atttttaaaaaaaack of the killer tomaaaaatoes

Look who is back

Apparently I missed the epic return of Blink 182

I didn't like their first single, therefore I put this one:

Blink 182 - After Midnight

I can't get my feet up off the edge
I kind of like the little rush you get
When you're standing close to death

and yet again, Tom is awesome:) you can throw rotten tomatoes at me, but I do think, that Angels and Airwaves with Tom are waaaaay better than Blink 182 (although Blink have a lot of good songs too)




Goooooo, Bjoerndalen, Svendsen, Berger and Boe


Ole Einar looks so interesting on this photo:

Almost forgot about this


now it is better:)

But what the hell are we searching for?!